How Important Is It To Prioritize Sex In Marriage?
The first thing that’s usually affected when anything goes wrong in a marriage is your sex life. Most times the reason is simply: busy schedule, tiredness, stress, etc, and to put it simply, couples will say that they are not in the mood to have sex. But, no matter the reason, there’s a need to prioritize sex in their marriage.
According to George Bloomer, in his book” looking for love,” ” sex was designed to reinforce the soul ties between couples.
That means you must always have sex to build that great bond in your relationship, whether you like it or not.
The question now is, how should you prioritize sex in marriage?
Don’t worry, because, in this post, you will learn everything you need to know about sex and how to have the best of it in your relationship.
Before that, let’s look at the reason for the lack of sex in relationships.
Causes Of Lack Of Sex In Relationships.
There are loads. of reasons why your sex life can decline. Let’s identify them and find solutions to them too.
Reason for lack of sex, one
- When These Is A Mismatched Libido. What does mismatched libido mean? It simply means there are discrepancies in your sex drive as a couple.
A survey conducted in 2015 shows that eighty percent (80%) of couples testified of this “desire discrepancies.”
The truth is that libido normally goes up and down over time and so many things like stress, aging, health condition, etc can be the chief cause.
Moreso, libido is just fluid which is why it prone to change with the mental and physical health of an individual.
It is also not bad when your libido would not match your spouse’s, but it becomes a thing of concern when it pangs.
However, you shouldn’t fret if you are not on the same page about sex with your partner. You can get over it by taking some simple steps.
Check out these powerful ways to improve your libido. It is easy and effective. Check this out.
- You Don’t Talk About Sex. Communication matters in every relationship, so you shouldn’t play with it. That means if you haven’t been communicating properly, then start today.
Talk about everything that needs to be discussed and more especially about your sex life. Feel free to let your partner know your fantasies. Tell your partner your hotspot, your weak point as well no go areas.
This helps him or her know where to concentrate to satisfy you sexually. I know it not easy to talk about, but you must do so if you want to improve your sex life.
- Stress Can Also Cause Lack Of Sex. Stress can sniff sex out of your mind if you are not careful. For example, if your mind is on how to pay your bills, take care of your children and their school fees, sex will be the last thing on your mind.
Excessive stress can cause your body to release a high level of cortisol and therefore damper your desire for sex. The best way to deal with this is to cut down on things that stress you.
- Criticism Can Cause Lack Of Sex. You may be ignorant of this, but if you constantly criticize your partner about their low sexual performances or other hurtful remarks, you are causing a big problem to your sex life.
Don’t cause another problem for yourself and your relationship with critics. Accept your partner completely. Avoid hurtful remarks and citicism by all means.
Fear Of Not Being Able To Perform In Bed. This is another big reason for the lack of sex in relationships. Fear of not having a full erection or not performing well sexually can make you give up trying.
Probably you’ve had some bad day and you are not sure what happens next; you may be affected by that. The solution is to get that off your mind and get intimate with your partner anyway.
Some Chronic Health Challenges Can Cause Sexlessness In Marriage.
If. You or your partner is having some health challenges like diabetes, and other chronic illnesses, it may be hard for him or her to respond to sex. That’s another good cause of dead bedrooms.
How Often Does An Average Couple Have Sex?
Arguably, there has never been a clear answer to this question. Different marriage therapists have different views as regards the question.
While some said once a week, others said twice a week, and some seven times a month.
Meanwhile, through a study conducted by David Schnarch, Ph.D. using 20,000, it was gathered that only 26% of them hit the 2 times in a week test, while the rest has sex once a month or twice (source).
“But frankly, Dr. Peter Kanaris, a sex therapist, and a clinical psychologist based in the USA have advised couples not to depend on the average to measure their sex frequency.” (Source)
You should rely on what works for you as a couple. If it is possible to have more than 3 in a week, then go ahead, if not find out how much time is possible and communicate with each other.
Just know that your marriage is sexless if you have sex less than 7 times in a year.
7 Reasons To Prioritize Sex In Marriage Now.
We have come to the important reason for this post, and that is to show you why you must not joke about sex in your relationship.
If you are ready, then lets dive in.
1) Quit Making Sex The Goal.
That sounds funny, isn’t it? How can you not focus on sex when you want to improve sex in marriage? The truth is that the way to improve sex with your partner is to focus on improving intimacy first.
You have to try and give your relationship a boost and watch how other things fall in place.
Do other things that are not related to sex like hugging, kissing, and holding hands.
Nagoski called that “sex break” and she reiterated that you and your partner should agree on not having sex for some time, and just concentrate on (6 seconds kiss daily) as specified by john Guttman until the pressure is off.
Although this looks trivial, yet it is a great way you can reconnect with your partner.
According to this study by scientists, caressing, kissing, hugging, and snuggling, all create more than magical moments and they can also improve your overall health.
So use kissing and hugging to reignite intimacy back into your marriage.
2) Have Sex Discussions.
Like I said in the introduction of this post, so many things can cause your sex life to decline. Meanwhile, having discussions about sex can help you to rejuvenate it back.
Although it is not that easy to talk about sex with your partner, that’s almost the easiest ways to improve sex in your marriage again.
The reason why I call it best is that from your discussions you will know what your partner wants or detests during sex. It is possible that what you thought interests your partner does piss him Or her off.
If you learn that during your sex talk time, you will be able to know what works or doesn’t work.
Know that you shouldn’t talk about sex at any time you choose. If you want to have an effective sex talk you should know when and how to do that.
Here’s how to have an effective sex talk.
- Don’t Make It A Surprise Discussion. Don’t just start talking about sex with your partner, and don’t talk about it in bed. Choose a different place to do that important discussion. Take your partner out for a coffee or lunch and then introduce that to him or her.
- Say One Thing At A Time. You want to have an effective sex discussion with your partner, then don’t speak more than one thing per conversation. Forget about other problems and just talk about your sex life and how to make it better.
- Know The Basic. The type of questions you will ask will determine the success or failure of the discussion. Once you know the basics, you will ask the necessary questions.
3) Take Proper Care Of Yourself.
Another important key to boosting your sex life and that of your relationship is to take proper care of yourself, the reason is that if your health isn’t good, your sex life won’t be either.
So focus on yourself and make sure you are strong and active. Eat well, have enough rest also and most especially, exercise. If you are buoyant, take a trip to anywhere to rest.
Exercising regularly and eating well will keep you fit and you will have good strength to perform during sex. Therefore don’t neglect yourself if you want to be good.
4) Set The Atmosphere For Sex Before The Sex Time.
It is not enough to just get home from work and demand sex from your partner; You have to till the ground to be fertile, I mean to make the atmosphere conducive for good sex.
Set the mood early, even when you are around. Call your partner many times and enquire how they are fairing. Send romantic text messages.
Hug when you are around and express how you have missed each other for a long time.
Of course, this will create a better connection and.good atmosphere for good sex.
5) Be The One To Initiate Sex.
It is nobody’s job to initiate sex other than the other. Both of you are on the job together so don’t leave your partner to be the only initiator. I challenge you to take up the initiating job from this moment. It is not so hard to d
For Example. Hold your spouse’s hands very often, hug, and also do whatever you feel will make your partner feel desired (women in particular love this).
Another good way to do this is to create time for other intimate acts like an embrace and holding each other for a long time, whispering a sweet word to their ears, messaging their hands or foot.
Then plan some romantic dates with your partner. Not necessarily about going out, you can have a wonderful date at home.
6) Don’t Compare Your Sex Others.
Do not compare your sex life with other people’s sex life or what your friends old you. When it comes to sex and how you play it in your marriage, that depends on your agreement with your partner.
There is no stipulated rule on how to play it well. You only have to agree with your partner on what to do and not do.
If you stark comparing your sex life with what see in movies or read from the book, then you are making a great mistake.
There are people who know about sex better than you do and they are ready to offer some helps to you if you seek help from them.
Therefore if you have done all you know and your sex life isn’t getting better, then seeking help from them will be a good decision.
Here are they.
See your Dr if your problems are vagina dryness, erectile dysfunction, etc, they will give you the best solution. Meanwhile, if you find it hard to communicate effectively with your partner, it will be best to see a marriage counselor.
If it is about your sexual problems, then seek advice from a sex therapist and get the solution.
Sex is the vitality of every relationship, that’s why you shouldn’t neglect it. Therefore do whatever you should do to keep it strong. If you are having challenges about what to do, follow the steps written down for you in this post.
You will surely get things back again.
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