if you have betrayed your spouse before and looking for ways to rebuild trust in your marriage, Then here are a few tips to help you.
Trust is an indispensable recipe for any successful relationship. But you’ll agree with me that many people struggle so much to keep their faith.
Researchers said that no matter how we proclaim our honesty, we are not close to what honesty portrays, we are far from it
studies conducted by Dr. Bella DePaulo show that almost everyone lies in one out of five of their interactions every day.
Couples are not an exception in this as well; they also lie and deceive each other.
The result of all these lies is a huge withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account of trust.
A famous marriage researcher John Guttman after investigating some couples from all over the world found betrayal and broken trust as the most significant cause of issues between couples.
If you have withdrawn so much from your trust account and wish to make a tremendous deposit again, then in this article I will show you great and actionable ways to rebuild trust in your marriage.
If you are ready to learn, then follow me closely as I show you
3 Actionable ways to rebuild trust in your marriage.
#1Consistently Remain Faithful:–
The best way to rebuild trust in your marriage is to not break the trust in the first place, because they’ll be no need to rebuild what is not damaged.
But, what does faithfulness mean to you? Is it just about not doing wrong to your partner, not cheating on him/her? those are steps in the right direction.
However, faithfulness is not just a lack of infidelity. It means more than that.
Faithfulness also means being faithful to your words.
Many people have lied so much to their better half that their partner finds it very hard to believe anything they ever say.
Faithfulness means that your partner can always count on whatever you say, are ready to keep your words to the last letters.
You are not keeping those words just because you want to keep the rules of trust, but because you recognized your partner’s trust in you and her willingness to respect it.
That’s the reason you made a promise to fix the bulb in the kitchen and, do it, or promise to take him/ her out for a walk at 6 pm and fulfill it as well.
Promise and failure can destroy trust in a relationship like nothing else does.
Faithfulness also means learning and understanding your partner so much so you know how he or she responds to situations like
– pains, stress, happiness, sadness.
Maybe he/ she likes to be alone at some moments or needs a shoulder to ease tensions.
Knowing all these makes you accept each other the way you are, and makes you not try changing each other.
Now you know what being faithful to your partner is all about, how do you consolidate faithfulness in your marriage?
Get close to God:– in the scripture, we are instructed to get close to our God so He could get closer to us too (James 4:8.)
Always understand that without God, you can’t do anything. If we keep God at a distance from our relationships, then we will see things falling apart and we will be growing apart from each other too.
We get closer to God by simply renewing our minds constantly with the word of God, praying without ceasing, and having regular communion with God.
- Get close to your spouse:-Since you decided to settle down with your spouse, it’s also important you do everything to be close together. Let that be your number one priority.
- Mind your thoughts:- What you think always determines who you are. That’s why you should always mind what you think about it.
Take for instance, before someone cheats, it would’ve been properly deliberated up before execution. It’s our thought that leads to what we say or does. So be responsible for it.
- Take care of your actions:- The next step is to take care of your actions. All your actions are not carried out all of a sudden, you did them because you carefully thought about them.
When you browse pornographic websites, you chose to, when you slept with your secretary, you chose to, and when you switched your television to a sports channel, you also chose to. in other words, you can choose not to do all of those.
If you can control what you think, do, or say, then your partner will trust and respect you always. What a sweet home you’ll have.
#2 How to rebuild trust in your Marriage
Accept your Wrongs and apologize:– If eventually, you breached the trust in your relationship, then it is necessary you accept what you did and then bring all the information about your Wrongs to the table and solve it.
One way to completely overcome your trust issues is, to be honest, and also willing to bring the matters to the table, so everyone knows what the issue is because any issue about trust can’t be settled by only one person.
Taking responsibility for your actions and genuine repentance have great power to rebuild broken trust.
So if you are interested in rebuilding trust in your marriage, then try to be as much open as you can so your partner could also be free to ask questions they have in mind.
Joseph Cilona PsyD, a clinical psychologist who is based in New York said: ” it’s good to be conscious of sincerity even if it requires admitting that it might be helpful”. So give all information out and be very willing to trash it out once and for all.
Here are ways to apologize
The fact is that your partner is no more comfortable with you and your actions, and that has made him/her extremely stressed and angry and now you feel sorry and also want to apologize, then here’s how to go about it.
- Don’t let it linger:– Though it may not be too easy when you want to go and tender apologies for whatever you have done, the truth is that the longer you wait, the faster things get worse.
- Give your partner a chance;- In as much as you don’t have to wait for so long to say you are sorry, you also have to give your partner little time to show his/ her grievances before responding.
- Apologize by yourself:- It will be better to do so by yourself and face to face as well, don’t send messages, email, or send someone to beg on your behalf.
- Pressure him/her:- you have the reassure the one you cheated on always that such will not happen again.
- Don’t blame, just explain:- it’s possible some problems in your relationship contributed to your breaching of trust. However, instead of blaming your marriage, and your spouse, then just take time to explain your dissatisfaction with certain things, so both of you can deal with all issues to avoid future occurrences.
#3/How to rebuild trust in your Marriage
Choose to Change:- You are very sorry for your mistakes, and you have asked for forgiveness and received pardon as well.
However, things may not work out again if you go back to your mistakes another time. And so the best for you is to decide to change completely.
But, depending on the situation that caused the breaching of trust, you’ll have to find suitable solutions or ways to make up.
For example – If it was caused because of infidelity, then you have to be sure to clear all doubts, it may cost you to retrieve all your passwords, both your mobile phone and emails. You may need to always leave your phone on the center table.
If it was the inability to fulfill promises, then you’ll have to set some reminders for all your promises.
The best thing to do at this point is to completely restrict yourself from doing those things that usually initiate betrayals to your partner, this is simply because your partner will be more confident when there’s evidence of sincerity and honesty from you.
You must know that not all trust can be rebuilt.
Sometimes it is destroyed and nothing can be done about it and sometimes it takes so much time to be rebuilt that the couple becomes tired of waiting, Laino says it takes at least 6 months to 2 years to rebuild trust.
My advice to you is to keep trying as long as you can, but if things didn’t work out after some time, then find another alternative. However, the points I made, are enough to guide you to try rebuilding your marriage.