What are the importance of marriage counseling? And how can marriage counseling help couples? If these are the questions in your mind now, then you are reading the right post.
After your honeymoon, you have discovered so many things that are giving you great concerns about your marriage and spouse. You have found out some disparities between you and your partner, and that marriage is not as easy as it looks.
This is not the time to quit and also not the time to quarrel. At this point, you should look for a solution and how to bridge the gap. Thankfully there is a way to deal with the issue.
Seeing a marriage counselor is the next option to get your marriage and your partner back again.
The question now is,
who is a marriage counselor? And how can you find a good marriage counselor?
Forget visiting a counselor, Save your marriage yourself.
A marriage counselor or therapist is someone who is trained to help couples deal with many issues in their marriage. The therapist’s interest is to help couples identify things that are negatively affecting their marriage, or things that can affect their marriage in the future.
You may not need to visit a marriage counselor if things are working well in your marriage, however, if you see these signs, then it’s time to visit a counselor.
Signs You Need To Visit A Therapist:
When Every Thing Seems Fine
Visiting a marriage counselor or therapist is not only when you are having issues in your marriage, but most people think so. You can visit a marriage counselor any time whether things are okay or not.
A counselor will help you discover the impending dangers that haven’t yet manifested. Most times, when you think that your marriage is stable, that’s when you should look well, probably a lot is happening underground.
The counselor will help you understand those vacuums and then tell you how to get them filled.
When You Have Stopped Communicating:
Communication is the pivot that pulls every area of marriage. When you see couples that know how to communicate effectively, you have seen a successful marriage. Meanwhile, when communication ceases or becomes ineffective, that’s a sign to visit a therapist.
The worst of it is that many couples don’t even know when their communication skills have failed. if you are such a person, if you feel there is something wrong with the way you and your partner are relating, visit a counselor.
You Are Afraid To Talk:
If you find yourself becoming too afraid to talk to your partner about some important issues, that is a sign.
Everyone should feel free in a relationship to talk about anything, like sex, money, your joy, pains, annoying habits. When you or your partner stops sharing those things, that signifies insecurity.
You can visit a counselor and describe these things to him/her and they will help you find a solution to that.
You Are Keeping Secrets;
Keeping secrets is another fast marriage killer every couple must be aware of. The truth is that everybody should have privacy, meanwhile. when you keep secrets, it is a red flag that you need a counselor.
Because one day, if your partner finds out about the secrets, he/she may feel cheated and unhappy: this will cause a great breach of trust. Seeing the counselor will help you out, especially when you start noticing it.
You Withhold Affection As Punishment:
Check if you or your partner restricts affection when you have a little quarrel with each other, if he/she does, then that’s a big sign you need to see a counselor. The couple that relates well knows that affection is the backbone of every relationship.
I have a friend who takes offense in every little thing; immediately he will start keeping his distance from the wife. That’s a sign of immaturity. If you are like that, then you should see a therapist.
The therapist will show you the better ways of reducing your conflict which works better than silent treatment.
You Are Bent On Changing Your Partner:
Successful couples are the ones who after everything have accepted each other the way they are. Marriage starts having problems when you and your partner refuse to accept each other.
Thinking that your partner needs to change in so many areas like dressing, eating habits, and many other things are pure signs you need a counselor. It is good to expect a change from your partner but trying to force him/her to change even his/her “basic traits” is a sign things aren’t good.
Those signs show that there are hidden issues, unhappiness as well as dissatisfaction. This is a good time to see a therapist for counseling.
You Have Extra Marital Affair:
Extramarital affairs can be related to betrayal. Once you indulge in it, it means you are replacing your partner with someone else. If you do such, you will need to visit a counselor for advice.
Continuing with it can harm your marriage in a twinkle of an eye. The therapist can help you get back trust.
15 Of The Importance Of Marriage Counseling To Note.
1) They Will Show You The Proper Ways To Communicate-
One of the importance of marriage counseling is that they help you to open communication. Their main duty is to get your communication back to the way it was when you were still dating.
A good marriage counselor understands that one of the biggest marriage issues is communication and so once you get to them, they will evaluate how effective your communication is.
From there the counselor will know if one of you is making the whole decision while the other is just kept in abeyance or one of you is not sure how to effectively communicate this or her feelings.
Whatever the communication problems are, the counselor will find that out; but the best part of seeing a counselor is that now you have a third party who is trained to help you get communication back on track again.
A good therapist will not point the finger or be one-sided when they are giving you counsel about your marriage, they will be neutral in their judgement because they want to help you achieve your goals.
They will listen to you and from your description, they will give you some advice on how best to get your communication back.
2) Help To Deal With Your Misunderstanding-
You and your partner are different people with different ideas and opinions and that’s why there’ll always be disagreement. It may not happen at the beginning of your marriage, but will when your relationship start matureing.
The marriage experts have also proved that fights and disagreements are not signs of a failing marriage, instead, they will strengthen your marriage again.
The problem is when you fight or disagree consistently over the same issue. That’s where the therapist comes in. It is the job of the counselor to help you identify what the causes of the constant fights are.
they will also help you know what your partner expects you to be so that things will work efficiently. The truth is that you and your partner learns to respect each other’s views and opinions, it will be easier for both of you to have a common ground.
3) You’ll Be Able to Get The Spark
You are guaranteed to get your marriage back up again after visiting a marriage therapist. This is because they are specifically trained for the task. From the series of questions, they will ask you, they identity the chief causes of your marital problem.
From the diagnosis, they will know the best tools to deal with the challenges. Unless you didn’t see a qualified therapist, I assure you that you will get results.
You can get the spark back after seeing a therapist.
4) They Will Help You Deal with Your Long Term Problems-
Another importance of marriage counseling is to help you solve some long-term problems that look insurmountable.
These problems have been there a long time. You quarrel many times and the same issue and you haven’t been able to solve it. The good news is that no situation is without solution and especially when you love each other.
Many times, it doesn’t take much to deal with marital issues, it may just take a little trick from each other and things will become normal again.
The marriage therapists know how to handle these types of issues pretty well. All you need is to open up to the counselor. From there, he can decipher what best approach to deal with the matter.
No matter how long the matter has lasted, you can get a brand new marriage after visiting a therapist.
5) If One Or Both Of You Cheated, The Therapist Will Help You To Facilitate Healing:
Cheating is one action that kills both the marriage and the couple cheated upon. This is because cheating is seen as a betrayal. Meanwhile, cheating is not the end of the road, because It can be dealt with.
If you or your partner has struggled with infidelity, the effect can be overwhelming and detrimental. This is because love and trust have been seriously affected, and it is always had to heal when you remember the lies that were told in the process.
The impact is always severe and it takes time to get the broken trust back again after that. Thankfully, the therapists are trained to help couples deal with infidelity and build back trust.
They will help you to go through the emotions of the hurt until you are out of it. Again. The therapist will remind both of the importance of being faithful and trustworthy. He may also give you some take-home assignments to make sure that the healing is imminent. After all this, you will embrace the importance of marriage counseling.
6) He Will Help You Evaluate The Behavioral Pattern Of Your Partner.
The counselor will analyze you and your partner critically, to understand the root of your issues.
From the manner of ways you are explaining your lights to the counselor, he will be able to grasp the behavioral patterns of both of you, once this is known, the counselor will then be able to find suitable healing for the issues.
7) Tell You When To Leave The Marriage:
Some problems may be hard to solve, not that it has never been solved before, but some couples find it hard to let go. When a marital issue is not resolved on time, it may eat deep into your marriage, and the only alternative is separation.
Once the Counselor discovers such, he/she will advise you to call it a quit to avoid other problems along the way.
How To Locate A Marriage Counselor Or Family Therapist:
You should be careful when selecting a counselor to visit. Choose someone well trained in that aspect.
Start By asking your friends and relatives. Many of them would have used a Counselor before and could recommend one for you. It may not be easy to ask for a recommendation from friends, because everyone thinks that it is only a troubled family that sees a counselor.
Don’t be shy to ask, because at last, you will be able to save your marriage because you asked.
To understand how to locate a worthy counselor, then read this post.
Conclusion:
The importance of a marriage counseling is enormous, at least they will help you to get your back again. If you follow some of my steps here, you should be smiling again.
You have to be open to the counselor about the type of help you need, if not you can’t get the required Help.
The counselor is not a mind reader to know your problems, but when you describe your changes, they will find a solution for you.