How to effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast

Disconnected couples, happy couples
Source: Flickr, photo by
J.K. Califf

Some times in your marriage, you may wonder about how to reconnect with your spouse both physically and emotionally for things to get in place again.

 

 
Connection in any relationship is that wonderful thing that binds you and your partner as couples; this shows the extent of the intimacy both of you is able to sustain after you have passed the early stage of your relationship.

 

 
Perhaps now, you have realized how the day to day activities of life, filled with stress, chores, work and taking care of your kids have created a great vacuum between you and your spouse, and have made you to focus on the negative side of your marriage, instead of the things that brought you together as husband and wife in the very first place.

 

 
Now understand that the disconnections I am taking about do not mean that both of you don’t love each other as before, no the love is still there, however you have seen how it is almost impossible for the two of you to express your love.

 

 
Maybe, by the time you are through with the work which takes you out in the morning and brings you back late in the evening, coupled with the getting the groceries from the store, getting the children back from school and getting dinner ready for the family, then you have little or no time to kiss, hug, and even have conversation as partners becomes a forgotten issue.

 
You know exactly what am talking about. : )

 

 

 

But you are not alone: everybody is guilty of this; even the happiest couple has in one time or the other fallen for this.
Meanwhile, if you have not witnessed it in your own marriage, then may I congratulate you, because you are just having your honey moon.

 

 

 

Maybe your marriage is just two months old.

 
I said this because I know it is inevitable in any relationship.Though different couple experience it in different ways; but no matter how you experience it, the fact is it is not the end of the road.

 

 
Just understand that you have the power to restore hope and confidence in your relationship.
We can change whatever we are not comfortable with if we want to.

 

 
In this article, you are going to learn how you can effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and make you marriage stronger than it was before.

 

 
But firstly, let us look at those things that can make couple to be disconnected in the first place, and the ways disconnections can manifest.

 

 
One of the famous marriage research john guttman and the wife Julie guttman for 25 years now have conducted a study in their “love lab”, using some married couples, which were placed in an apartment and where closely monitored using video and questionnaire.

 
The reason for this research was to learn more about how couples thrive in their marriage, and more especially to understand the reasons that could make partners feel distance from each Other.

 

 
From the research, four things were identified to be the reason why couple will feel disconnected in their relationship.
Here they are!

 

 
Criticizing your partner:
Being defensive:
Contempt:
Act of stonewalling:

 

Resources:

How to communicate effectively in your marriage

 
When these become so much in a relationship, there is no doubt there will be clear manifestations of..

 
Avoidance attitude: when there is a shutdown or detachment between couples, they start avoiding being close with each other, and avoidance works opposite to the goal of marriage; because it make couple to give up their strength for developing their marriage.

 

 
Most of the avoidance attitude starts from the unsettled disputes or aggressions in the marriage.

 

 

 

Interrupting: Couples stop being a good listener, now they are ready to interrupt the other even at the middle of conversation. As we know, the ability to listen to your partner is one of the main habits possessed by the happy couples.

 

 

 

Secret keeping: Disconnection brings distrust between couples, and when there is distrust, couples resolve to keeping secrets. Trust is one of the main traits of keeping a successful marriage. No marriage can thrive without that, and keeping secret make things worse.

 

 

 

Nagging: One attitude that is pure detrimental to marriage is nagging. Nobody wants to be nagged, but when there is a detachment among couples, there will be disagreement, and communication will not flow the way it used to be.

 

 

 

Couple then starts nagging each other, because they believed nagging is just that better way to be understood.

 

 
Lookout for problems: Disconnection makes couple to always be on the lookout on how to blame the other. Relationship thrives more when every couple become positive of the marriage; but when blames and problem seeking overshadows trust, then marriage starts crumbling down.

 

 

 

 

– Threatening:I have seen marriages were spouse threaten themselves at will. It’s either the wife is threatening to leave the marriage, or the man is threatening to leave the house and everything for the wife, just because of little quarrel.

 

 

 

Source : Flickr, photo by Sarah Fagg
Source : Flickr, photo by
Sarah Fagg

The worst thing you could do in your life is to use your own tongue to destroy your marriage.

 

 
Remember what the word of God said about tongue. If you really know about the power of what you say with your mouth, you will be careful about what comes out of your mouth.

 

 
I will advise you to say only those things you want to see; and forget about any type of threat.

 

 

 

Telling lies:Another way disconnection in relation manifest is through lies. Couples resolve to telling lies to each other, simply because they are now taking each other for granted. One thing about lie is that once your spouse notice that you have been telling lies; he /she will never trust your words again.

 

 
Resentfulness:This is another way disconnection manifests in marriage; resentment undermines the quality which marriage should be instituted and which entails loyalty, trust, and love.

 

 

 

The bible said something about putting away every malicious bitterness. in the book of Ephesians 4:31.
When you harbor resentment, it will hurt your marriage, because it will make other things to stop working efficiently.

 

 

 

If you see any of these behaviors in your life, then you have to make up your mind to start reconnecting with your spouse, before things go out of hand.

 

 
One of the effective ways to start the reconnection journey is be in charge of all your actions. It doesn’t matter if your partner is adamant about the whole issue, just go ahead and start.
Here are few tips to guide you

 

 

 

How you effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast. Tweet this

 

 

 

Redeem yourselves from the effect of time: One reason almost all the couples want to give for disconnection is time.
When the day to day activities have taken all the time meant for the partners to stay together and enjoy their relationship.
But you can redeem yourself from the whole effects of time as I am going to show you in a minute.

 

 

Source: Flickr, photo by Aamer Javed
To redeem yourself from the grip of time simply means to invest your time properly in other to get the best from it.
Tell me: How would you feel if you can.
– You can have more quality time with your spouse and children.

 
– To make your schedules and follow it and not others.

 
– To have the things that are more important be done without being trifled.

 
– Free yourself from clock.

 
You will like it eh! : )

 
Now let me show you how.
Here are steps you can follow to make the best use of your time.

 
Now take a note pad and a pen and
– Write down those things that must be done, write those big tasks and the small tasks. Just write them down as they come to your mind.

 

 
Your proprieties in life: What are the things that are most important to you in life? If you are still trying to be balanced in life, then there are so many things you should not let to be a priority over your health, both physical and mental.

 

 
Remove the non-important items: This part of the step will be more important to you if you don’t understand where to start from your list.

 
What you will want to do here is to look at your lists and look at the items that are more important than the other, and set them in the other of their priorities and you should try eliminating the ones that are not supposed to be included in the list.

 

 
Delegate some of the tasks if possible: I am not asking you to dump some of your responsibilities, but there may be someone who can do them better and faster than you. So why not let him or her take the responsibility, so you can focus on other items.

 

 

 

Select some item that can be done by you and your spouse: It can be fun when you do household projects together; as a family, do the cleanings, cutting of weeds and other tasks together.

 

 
And finally is to stop procrastinating: The best way to get something accomplished is to start doing it immediately. Though starting a thing is the hardest step, but it pays to start immediately than to start later. Procrastination can steal your time if you let it.

 

 
When you are through from time, another step to take in reconnect with your spouse is to

 
Remove some thoughts from you: When you take another look at the list of the ways disconnection manifests in a relationship, you will clearly understand that they are all triggered by the thought will have about our companion, about yourself and about your relationship.

 

 
It will be best if you could purse now, and consider most of those thoughts that made you criticize your spouse in the time past.

 

 
What did you think was the main trigger of your action? How could you say your spouse was angry from the way he / she looked at you?

 

 
Now consider turning around those negative thoughts, so that instead of blaming yourself for being responsible for how your partner feels, then think of the best practices to change your thinking and then your behaviors and your emotions will follow suite.

 

 
Get intimacy back:Being at intimate relationship with your spouse simple shows that you have fully let your spouse into world completely. At this point both of you can share in your hopes and dreams as well as worries.

 

 
When intimate relationship exists between couples, that shows that every partner feels protected and safe too.

 

 
You have to develop a whole heart trust with your companion.
It is the secured environment which was brought by trust and confidence that triggers touch and caress which makes every partner feel good.

 

 
Another way you can develop intimacy in your relationship is by being kind. Study shows that kindness is one of the reasons for building a strong and happy home. So learn to show kindness and respect to one another.

 

 

 
Make your marriage a priority: Let your family be the first thing that matters to you. Let it be obvious from the way you talk; reduce the using of I and me and use more of us when you talk.

 

 
Understand that the wedding was planned together; you said the vow together even in the presence of many friends and the marriage license was handed over to you together, so why would you start living alone.

 

 
It is imperative you make efforts to increase and reinforce a new sense of togetherness as well as guarding and protecting it.
Have your marriage in mind anywhere you are, and anything you do and establish healthy and strong boundaries around your relationship.

 

 
It may not be easy when you want to work on this, but it is worth doing.

 

 
Try taking a day off and share the day together:Nothing can be compared with when couples have the whole day to themselves without distraction. They will have more time to share quality time together.

 

 
They will talk about the family and how to move it further. How much time have you spent with your spouse for the last week, last month even since this year? Just purse and think it over. You will realize that the reason you are feeling disconnected is because you have not done what you are supposed to do.

 

 
Now consider scheduling a time when you and your spouse could just cease the day just the two of you. Tweet This

 
Set up a daily marriage check attitude:In business, you need to check your stock often to know how the business is fairing, sometimes; you need to check yourself to know how you are doing health wise.

 

 
Now it is very important you adopt the same attitude in your marriage. It will help you to know where you are failing as couples, and how will get back at your feet again.

 

 
Conclusion:

 
If your marriage is experiencing disconnection presently, then it is because you have not done what you are supposed to do as couples.

 

 
But have in mind that it is not the end of your marriage. When you look at my check lists for couple’s reconnection, it will clearly dawn on you that you have some conflicts that were poorly treated.

 

 
Look back and try to imagine what they are and start working on it.
You absolutely have nothing to gain when your marriage is in shamble; but you have a lot to gain when there is joy, love and happiness.

 

 
Start reconnecting with your spouse now and watch your marriage move from glory to glory. Tweet This
It is up to you now.

 

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Read My Personal Happy Marriage Story and Learn from it Too

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Today, I want to share a very important story that will inspire all my readers. I want to share my personal happy marriage story.

 
I decided to write this story with regards to so many questions I get from my readers. I have no reason to doubt that this story will inspire someone to start writing his or her own happy marriage stories or maybe when you would have tried some of the tips I have written down here.

 
It all started in 2014, when I made up my mind to get married. I had long lists of what type of woman I want to marry.

 
1. Tall
2. Fair in complexion
3. Beautiful
4. Quiet
5. Church going type
6. Hard working
7. A good cock
8. Prayerful and so on.

 
The list was actually so long.

 
But let me tell you one thing that will give you the shock of your life now; I was not able to get half of the things in my list, and yet I can prove to you that my spouse is the type of woman every man will want to have.

 
Now this is why I said this: never think you will get up to hundred % of your own list if you are still searching. It takes stepping into the water for the water to divide. You know what I am talking about?

 
In 2005 ( 10 years ago) I met and married my darling wife (cherish). One mistake I made at that time was believing that I know everything there is to know about marriage, but even the fundamentals of marriage were so strange to me.

 
Now this is what happened next.

 
After going down the isle and saying the “I do thing” Life started; yes! life of a married man. It was a new life altogether. Everything changed, more responsibilities added. I was doing the superman. I thought I could make things happened on my own. But things where crumbling very fast. One day I decided to hand everything over to God. I let Him take over from where I stopped, then everything started changing and taking shape again.
Then we learn t what I did not know before, and could not even know had I not handed everything over to God.

 
Here are the things we learned

 
Pay close attention to all am going to share here. Those are where my happy marriage story started.

 
(1) We learned that marriage is a union of two different people who came together bringing two different unfinished businesses:-

 
These unfinished businesses were the things that created so many problems in our marriage at the early stage. We also learned how to work on our maturity, and then slowly, our relationship began to to mature also.

 
(2) There where every need for us to change as life changes:-
When one decides to grow, there is every need to adapt to the different stages of life, and to also know that different stages of life comes with different gifts and challenges to marriage. Until we recognized these, we started making adjustments and then we started growing with each stage we passed.

 
(3) We learned and accepted each other:-

 
We both came to the realization that we have different views to the same opinion. Most of the things that triggers my wives love and joy were not the same things I feel. The things I am sensitive to also were different from my wives. When we found out that we could not change each other, we accepted ourselves the way we are.

 
(4) We learned the importance of saying of saying “ I am sorry”:-

 
One thing is certain in every marriage; there must be quarrels and uproars. However, there is every need to quench the fire immediately even when you are not the course of the problems.

 
All these are the different things I learned and also inculcated in my marriage that gave me the reason to write this my personal happy marriage story.

 
I sincerely believe that someone has been able to learn something from this article.

 

Bonus reading

 

What Makes a happy marriage

 
PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO ADD YOUR VALUABLE COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS

How to Have a Happy marriage with a narcissist

Happy marriage with a narcissist. husband and wife, love, divorceSo many articles have been written on how to have a happy marriage, but not on how to have a happy marriage with a narcissist. Today, I am going to give you a clear and easy steps how you could do just that.

If you are reading this article now, that means you a probably married a narcissist, your friend or someone you know married one, you are planning to marry and don’t want to marry someone like that. This write up will solve your problem.

However, if you are not sure of who a narcissist is, and then let me tell you a little about it.

Who is a Narcissist? –

A narcissist is someone who is always very full of himselves(self-importance) they love to dominate in thing like prestige, vanity and power. One thing about them is the inability to understand the damages they are inflicting to others around them or even themselves.

I am sure you now have a little knowledge of who a narcissist is. Does that describe the character of your man? Then you have nothing to fear. The step by step tips will guide you into having a successful and happy marriage your narcissist spouse.

   Steps to have a happy marriage with your narcissist spouse

Write down your reasons:-

It is not an easy job to live with a narcissist, but if you have made of your mind not to leave that narcissist you love, then you must take a note pad and a pen and write down 3 reasons why you love and not want to lose him or her.

These are the lists you will continually look at when the going becomes though and then get refreshed in the things you have planned to have in the near future time..

Your list may look something like this

  1. I have made up my mind to stay with my spouse through good and bad times.
  2. I know that my spouse is a wonderful person and will be superb in near future.
  3. As I remember the love that brought us together in the beginning, I promise to stand firm in my marriage.

Tell God About it:

You must know that only God has the power to change situation. Prayer is the only weapon we have to talk to God so why not tell God about your spouse’s challenge and believe things will change. It will definitely change.

Know what to negotiate with your spouse and the best negotiating style to adopt:

One thing the narcissist believes is that they know everything, and never go wrong. There may be some behaviors that will repel you, what is best for you to do is to overlook it, just allow it to slide.

Whenever you want to talk about anything, you must know the best time to do so and the best strategy to use. Always start your negotiations with the key convincing words. You have few minutes to get his/her attention. Never argue.

Tell your spouse how your marriage is slowly going down because of his/her lifestyle.

Don’t be surprised to see your spouse responding slowly to what you said.

Upgrade your self-esteem:-

It is obvious your self-esteem is challenged because your narcissist spouse is constantly wanted to have his ways every moment and not yours. Nevermind, just bring out your “Note” and you will remember that you are bent on having a happy marriage with narcissist.

Choose to say nice things to yourself at all time. That will help to re-affirm your faith in your spouse.

Rapping up

You must always understand that the change may not be imminent, but you are sure the change must come since you are committed in doing the things you are supposed to do to stay happily married with the narcissist you love so much.

Read Also

Role of a husband in building a happy marriage

What makes a man happy in marriage

 

Discover how having a Happy Marriage Depends On a Happy Wife

happy marriage, marriage a happy marriage, happiness in marriageIf you are looking for steps to a happy marriage, then you must understand that having a happy marriage depends on a happy wife

Have you found out one way or the other that your wife is not that happy again? Maybe from her countenance, you have found out she is no more cheerful as she used to be in the earlier days of your marriage. You have noticed that she feels unhappy now and maybe frustrated when she thought of what has become of her life. You can as well tell from her steps and actions that things are not rosy with her any longer.

As her husband, you are interested in helping her in any way to get over it, because you know that her happiness is your happiness and that every happy marriage depends on a happy wife.

In this article, I want to show you some very important steps that can help you make your wife happy again.

Researchers said that the very first key to a marital success is all about woman’s feelings and emotions; this simply indicates that the happier your wife is, the better your marriage will be also.

Women tend to do more in their marriage when they are happy and satisfied with it. Choosing to make your wife happy is all about making her life much better.

For accepting to be your wives life partner, it is now your concern to devote more time and attention to knowing the ways you can make her feel good and happy at all times.

Women usually feels happier when they are sure of their husbands care and appreciation of whom they are.

Make your wife feel loved by validating her on daily bases, show appreciation for those little things she did. Give her some surprises like flowers, write deep emotional notes and secretly hide them where she will see and read then, tell her how wonderful she looks whenever she put on a new cloth. This will make her feel more loved and they are the little things they need from their husbands.

Women as the weaker vessel they are always wanted to be sure that their husbands are there when she needs him. Make your wife understand that she is protected from the attacks outside because you are the husband. I said this because most men neglect their families, and prefer to do more outside than in their homes. Always have in mind that a happy marriage depends on a happy wife before taking any step.

Another important way you can make her happy is to give listening ears to her every time she has something to say. She will want to know how much you value what she says. So forget any distractions and listen to her. You can ask questions if need be and wait for the answers. Make her understand that the conversation is more important to you as well.

You can easily make your marriage a strong and a happy one using these few guide lines listed in this write up. It may not be a quick fix, but gradually you will see things changing and her happiness and joy returning back to her.

It is all up to you to take action now

Don’t Forget to Leave a comment in the Comment box bellow

You May Also Want To Read The Roles Of A husband in Making a Happy Marriage

 

 

15 Important Steps to Building and Sustaining a Christian marriage.

images1Marriage is sweet when is built and sustained in a Christian way. It is said in the book of John 16 v 33 “ I have told you these things that in me you may have peace, in the world you will have troubles.

That verse of the scripture simply shows that any marriage that is not connected to Christ would surely not stand the taste of time.

 

These are the steps you must take to build your marriage and make it a bullet proof.

 

Start your marriage with God and in God

If you are still searching, then the best thing you must try to do is to commit every step of your way to God. Let him have the pre-eminence of everything. Proverbs 3 v 5 say’s” trust in the Lord with all your heart and learn not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your part.

 

If you are already married, it is not yet too late for you. You can still ask God to take over from where you are now. Remember it cannot be done by your power or might, but by His Spirit.

 

Pray together always as family

This is the most important thing to do. You must pray for your family and with your family. Bible said ‘pray without season”. Do not let your prayer be only when there is trouble.

Always have your family devotions. Commit all to Him and things will move smoothly.

Depend Only on Gods Plan for Your Marriage

Be sure to search the scriptures, every day to know the plans of God for your marriage. It can only work for you if the Lord has said it. Jeremiah 29 v 11 said “For I know the thought that I think towards you, thought of peace and not of evil. That is the reason why you must give it up for Him alone.

 

Say only those Things you Want for Your Marriage and Do not Say the Opposite/ Negative.

Always be careful to say those things that are consistent with the word of God as regards to your marriage. Remember what you say is what you get. The Bible said in Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life (are} in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof”.

Always be careful so you do not jeopardize your marriage with the ill words that may come from your mouth.

 

Wife Submit to Your Husband and Husband Love Your Wife.

This is not a negotiation; it is a command from God.

God would have said wives try and submit to your husband, but He gave a command because that will be the only secret to a happy marriage.

Men you have a very big task here. You must love your wives. Your love is for her alone. It is not meant for another person. If your marriage must be bullet proof, then this command must be kept to the last.

 

Be Faithful to Your Spouse

Try everything you can to stay faithful to your spouse. I used the word try because I know so many challenges may come that will make you want to cheat. Never compromise, never give room for suspicions.

Trust

Always trust your spouse in all things and at all times. Never let it out. Even when it looks like trust has been broken, continue to trust.

Share quality times together

It is not just about spending time together, but spending quality time together. Make each of your stay together a very memorable one.

Forgive your Spouse every time

To err is human but to forgive is divine. Learn to forgive your spouse any time he or she does wrong to you.

Do not deny Sex

Do not think of denying sex to your spouse. It can make him /her look for somewhere else to get it. Also remember that the bible said that it can only be with the consent of each other.

Talk about your challenges

Take some time to discuss your problems with your spouse and bring a plan to resolve it. Never sleep without settling your disputes.

Never bring third Party into Your Marriage.

There will always be problems in your marriage. They are inevitable, but how you settle it is what matters. Remember you must not invite an outsider, not your mother, sister or even friends. It is a family issue and must be settled by the two of you.

Be contempt with what you have at That Moment

Always be satisfied with whatever stage you are in your marriage. Hebrews 13:5 “ Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such thing as you have. Never look at what other people are doing in their marriage and think of introducing it to your own. It will only bring problems to you and your spouse

Remember you are trying to build a Christian marriage.

Have open conversation

Communication is very important in every marriage. Absence of it brings quarrel, mistrust, infidelity. And then divorce.

Be thankful all The Time.

Be appreciative to any little thing your spouse did for you no matter how small it is. You can only receive another if you appreciate the first.