How to effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast

Disconnected couples, happy couples
Source: Flickr, photo by
J.K. Califf

Some times in your marriage, you may wonder about how to reconnect with your spouse both physically and emotionally for things to get in place again.

 

 
Connection in any relationship is that wonderful thing that binds you and your partner as couples; this shows the extent of the intimacy both of you is able to sustain after you have passed the early stage of your relationship.

 

 
Perhaps now, you have realized how the day to day activities of life, filled with stress, chores, work and taking care of your kids have created a great vacuum between you and your spouse, and have made you to focus on the negative side of your marriage, instead of the things that brought you together as husband and wife in the very first place.

 

 
Now understand that the disconnections I am taking about do not mean that both of you don’t love each other as before, no the love is still there, however you have seen how it is almost impossible for the two of you to express your love.

 

 
Maybe, by the time you are through with the work which takes you out in the morning and brings you back late in the evening, coupled with the getting the groceries from the store, getting the children back from school and getting dinner ready for the family, then you have little or no time to kiss, hug, and even have conversation as partners becomes a forgotten issue.

 
You know exactly what am talking about. : )

 

 

 

But you are not alone: everybody is guilty of this; even the happiest couple has in one time or the other fallen for this.
Meanwhile, if you have not witnessed it in your own marriage, then may I congratulate you, because you are just having your honey moon.

 

 

 

Maybe your marriage is just two months old.

 
I said this because I know it is inevitable in any relationship.Though different couple experience it in different ways; but no matter how you experience it, the fact is it is not the end of the road.

 

 
Just understand that you have the power to restore hope and confidence in your relationship.
We can change whatever we are not comfortable with if we want to.

 

 
In this article, you are going to learn how you can effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and make you marriage stronger than it was before.

 

 
But firstly, let us look at those things that can make couple to be disconnected in the first place, and the ways disconnections can manifest.

 

 
One of the famous marriage research john guttman and the wife Julie guttman for 25 years now have conducted a study in their “love lab”, using some married couples, which were placed in an apartment and where closely monitored using video and questionnaire.

 
The reason for this research was to learn more about how couples thrive in their marriage, and more especially to understand the reasons that could make partners feel distance from each Other.

 

 
From the research, four things were identified to be the reason why couple will feel disconnected in their relationship.
Here they are!

 

 
Criticizing your partner:
Being defensive:
Contempt:
Act of stonewalling:

 

Resources:

How to communicate effectively in your marriage

 
When these become so much in a relationship, there is no doubt there will be clear manifestations of..

 
Avoidance attitude: when there is a shutdown or detachment between couples, they start avoiding being close with each other, and avoidance works opposite to the goal of marriage; because it make couple to give up their strength for developing their marriage.

 

 
Most of the avoidance attitude starts from the unsettled disputes or aggressions in the marriage.

 

 

 

Interrupting: Couples stop being a good listener, now they are ready to interrupt the other even at the middle of conversation. As we know, the ability to listen to your partner is one of the main habits possessed by the happy couples.

 

 

 

Secret keeping: Disconnection brings distrust between couples, and when there is distrust, couples resolve to keeping secrets. Trust is one of the main traits of keeping a successful marriage. No marriage can thrive without that, and keeping secret make things worse.

 

 

 

Nagging: One attitude that is pure detrimental to marriage is nagging. Nobody wants to be nagged, but when there is a detachment among couples, there will be disagreement, and communication will not flow the way it used to be.

 

 

 

Couple then starts nagging each other, because they believed nagging is just that better way to be understood.

 

 
Lookout for problems: Disconnection makes couple to always be on the lookout on how to blame the other. Relationship thrives more when every couple become positive of the marriage; but when blames and problem seeking overshadows trust, then marriage starts crumbling down.

 

 

 

 

– Threatening:I have seen marriages were spouse threaten themselves at will. It’s either the wife is threatening to leave the marriage, or the man is threatening to leave the house and everything for the wife, just because of little quarrel.

 

 

 

Source : Flickr, photo by Sarah Fagg
Source : Flickr, photo by
Sarah Fagg

The worst thing you could do in your life is to use your own tongue to destroy your marriage.

 

 
Remember what the word of God said about tongue. If you really know about the power of what you say with your mouth, you will be careful about what comes out of your mouth.

 

 
I will advise you to say only those things you want to see; and forget about any type of threat.

 

 

 

Telling lies:Another way disconnection in relation manifest is through lies. Couples resolve to telling lies to each other, simply because they are now taking each other for granted. One thing about lie is that once your spouse notice that you have been telling lies; he /she will never trust your words again.

 

 
Resentfulness:This is another way disconnection manifests in marriage; resentment undermines the quality which marriage should be instituted and which entails loyalty, trust, and love.

 

 

 

The bible said something about putting away every malicious bitterness. in the book of Ephesians 4:31.
When you harbor resentment, it will hurt your marriage, because it will make other things to stop working efficiently.

 

 

 

If you see any of these behaviors in your life, then you have to make up your mind to start reconnecting with your spouse, before things go out of hand.

 

 
One of the effective ways to start the reconnection journey is be in charge of all your actions. It doesn’t matter if your partner is adamant about the whole issue, just go ahead and start.
Here are few tips to guide you

 

 

 

How you effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast. Tweet this

 

 

 

Redeem yourselves from the effect of time: One reason almost all the couples want to give for disconnection is time.
When the day to day activities have taken all the time meant for the partners to stay together and enjoy their relationship.
But you can redeem yourself from the whole effects of time as I am going to show you in a minute.

 

 

Source: Flickr, photo by Aamer Javed
To redeem yourself from the grip of time simply means to invest your time properly in other to get the best from it.
Tell me: How would you feel if you can.
– You can have more quality time with your spouse and children.

 
– To make your schedules and follow it and not others.

 
– To have the things that are more important be done without being trifled.

 
– Free yourself from clock.

 
You will like it eh! : )

 
Now let me show you how.
Here are steps you can follow to make the best use of your time.

 
Now take a note pad and a pen and
– Write down those things that must be done, write those big tasks and the small tasks. Just write them down as they come to your mind.

 

 
Your proprieties in life: What are the things that are most important to you in life? If you are still trying to be balanced in life, then there are so many things you should not let to be a priority over your health, both physical and mental.

 

 
Remove the non-important items: This part of the step will be more important to you if you don’t understand where to start from your list.

 
What you will want to do here is to look at your lists and look at the items that are more important than the other, and set them in the other of their priorities and you should try eliminating the ones that are not supposed to be included in the list.

 

 
Delegate some of the tasks if possible: I am not asking you to dump some of your responsibilities, but there may be someone who can do them better and faster than you. So why not let him or her take the responsibility, so you can focus on other items.

 

 

 

Select some item that can be done by you and your spouse: It can be fun when you do household projects together; as a family, do the cleanings, cutting of weeds and other tasks together.

 

 
And finally is to stop procrastinating: The best way to get something accomplished is to start doing it immediately. Though starting a thing is the hardest step, but it pays to start immediately than to start later. Procrastination can steal your time if you let it.

 

 
When you are through from time, another step to take in reconnect with your spouse is to

 
Remove some thoughts from you: When you take another look at the list of the ways disconnection manifests in a relationship, you will clearly understand that they are all triggered by the thought will have about our companion, about yourself and about your relationship.

 

 
It will be best if you could purse now, and consider most of those thoughts that made you criticize your spouse in the time past.

 

 
What did you think was the main trigger of your action? How could you say your spouse was angry from the way he / she looked at you?

 

 
Now consider turning around those negative thoughts, so that instead of blaming yourself for being responsible for how your partner feels, then think of the best practices to change your thinking and then your behaviors and your emotions will follow suite.

 

 
Get intimacy back:Being at intimate relationship with your spouse simple shows that you have fully let your spouse into world completely. At this point both of you can share in your hopes and dreams as well as worries.

 

 
When intimate relationship exists between couples, that shows that every partner feels protected and safe too.

 

 
You have to develop a whole heart trust with your companion.
It is the secured environment which was brought by trust and confidence that triggers touch and caress which makes every partner feel good.

 

 
Another way you can develop intimacy in your relationship is by being kind. Study shows that kindness is one of the reasons for building a strong and happy home. So learn to show kindness and respect to one another.

 

 

 
Make your marriage a priority: Let your family be the first thing that matters to you. Let it be obvious from the way you talk; reduce the using of I and me and use more of us when you talk.

 

 
Understand that the wedding was planned together; you said the vow together even in the presence of many friends and the marriage license was handed over to you together, so why would you start living alone.

 

 
It is imperative you make efforts to increase and reinforce a new sense of togetherness as well as guarding and protecting it.
Have your marriage in mind anywhere you are, and anything you do and establish healthy and strong boundaries around your relationship.

 

 
It may not be easy when you want to work on this, but it is worth doing.

 

 
Try taking a day off and share the day together:Nothing can be compared with when couples have the whole day to themselves without distraction. They will have more time to share quality time together.

 

 
They will talk about the family and how to move it further. How much time have you spent with your spouse for the last week, last month even since this year? Just purse and think it over. You will realize that the reason you are feeling disconnected is because you have not done what you are supposed to do.

 

 
Now consider scheduling a time when you and your spouse could just cease the day just the two of you. Tweet This

 
Set up a daily marriage check attitude:In business, you need to check your stock often to know how the business is fairing, sometimes; you need to check yourself to know how you are doing health wise.

 

 
Now it is very important you adopt the same attitude in your marriage. It will help you to know where you are failing as couples, and how will get back at your feet again.

 

 
Conclusion:

 
If your marriage is experiencing disconnection presently, then it is because you have not done what you are supposed to do as couples.

 

 
But have in mind that it is not the end of your marriage. When you look at my check lists for couple’s reconnection, it will clearly dawn on you that you have some conflicts that were poorly treated.

 

 
Look back and try to imagine what they are and start working on it.
You absolutely have nothing to gain when your marriage is in shamble; but you have a lot to gain when there is joy, love and happiness.

 

 
Start reconnecting with your spouse now and watch your marriage move from glory to glory. Tweet This
It is up to you now.

 

Related articles:

Ten steps you must not fail to take if you want a happy marriage.

3 Amazing questions answered on happy marriage.

11 things I wish someone told me before I got married.

happy marriage builder, happiness in marriage.
Source: Flickr and photo by Madilyn Peiper

Before I share this with you, I wish to tell you a little story about what prompted me to marry in the first place.
Back in the day while I was still in the high school, I use to visit some family friend with my parents and sometimes with my friends too.
Some times when we get to some homes and see what looks like joy and happiness, I use to tell myself that this is exactly how my marriage will be.

 

 
Did you noticed what I wrote in my last statement, ‘what looked like joy and happiness”; I said that because I thought those couples where all the time happy as they posed to be.
How wrong I was. : )
There is no marriage that is 100% happy. Maybe I shouldn’t have used that word no marriage, probably yours is. Just feel free to share with us if yours is 100% in the comment box bellow.

 

 
However, if you will permit me, I will use 67% of couples is actually not having a pleasant time in their marriage.
As at the time of writing this article, some of the marriages are merely going on without any passion.

 

 
That is why I categorized marriage into three parts.
The happy marriage:-

This is that type of marriage where both couples are enjoying their marriage. It is not as if they don’t have any down time; but, they understand how to manage their conflicts in other to move forward.

 

 

 

Semi happy marriage:-

 

 

In this type of marriage, couples just go along, but there is nothing like passion anymore. The situation is not yet that bad that they will want separation, and also not that good to make them happy. They are in between the two.

 

 

 

And then the unhappy marriage:-

 

 

Couples in an unhappy marriage are at the height of unhappiness with each other, that the only thing necessary to help out is divorce. Nothing else could save them except divorce or death.
I did not know all those things before I got married. I was only opportune to see those couples that brandished themselves to me as being happily married and not the unhappy one.

 

 
Here is the reason I am writing this article: )

 

 
It is not as if I made the wrong choice to marry or that I would not have married if I had known all these; but I would have been very ready, knowing what I should do to have the happiest marriage in life.

happiness in marriage, happy ,love
Source : Flickr, photo by epSos .de

But, I am writing to share with most of the people that are looking for their missing ribs, to guide them and make them ready to take the bold step.
If you are still reading this article, then I should not waste time again before telling you this.

 

 
(1) You must always be romantic:

 

 
We men always think that love is a process. We believe that now we have had the courtship, won her love now so we should go on with our business.

 

 

 
However, women see love as an adventure. They prefer those little things you do together. She always want know that she sparks a flame in your eyes.When you don’t give attention to those things, it will ruin your marriage.

 

 
If men should understand that there is much difference in the emotional make up of men and women, things will be much better than it is now. Keep on buying those flowers as you did during the courtship, those perfumes, the bucket of ice cream, the chicken lap; you know them.

 

 

 
I remember those days of our courtship, whenever we are eating together, I usually let my wife eat the most meat in the soup.

 

 
Now when she want wants to eat them again, I usually feel bad, but she will quickly remind me of how I use to let her eat them; I laugh.

 

 
(2) There is need to be intimate with my spouse:-

 

 
Intimacy means a deeper presence of closeness between couples. This is a time in a marriage when every partner feels secured to communicate their mutual desire, secret and personal jokes without fear of rejection.

 

 
I did not know that intimacy could be that priceless. Your partner must understand that you are all she’s got and that she is the number one priority to you too and that she is your closest friend.

 

 
Whenever you are together and you feel the atmosphere has changed, don’t hold it; cancel everything and let the moment be. Cease the moment.

 

 

 

uh happy. happy marriage, happiness in marriage
Source: Flickr, created by Don Harder

(3) Give her chance to express her emotions:-

 

 
Women feel relieved from their problems after letting some tears escape from their eyes. I can say that tears have a way of making them healthy, and it helps to wash their “potential bitterness away”.
We men always play the macho king; after all men don’t cry. We know how to suppress our feelings.

 

 
I always understand when my wife wants to let the rain drop. I never try to stop her, but I encourage her. I am not saying you should make her cry.

 

 
However, there are times you might mistakenly do something that upsets her, or may be something else caused the tears, just allow her to give out the tears for the sake of her health.
Ask her if she needs to be alone, and grant that request if she wishes so. Sometimes all they will need is a shoulder to cry, just offer yours. It may be a very good avenue for you to learn the intricacies of your better half.

 
Learn to see emotions as a friend and not the enemy.

 

 
(4) There is need to communicate effectively:-

 

 
Most of the bitter experiences we are seeing in the world today could be related to most of the things we have said and the things we have left unsaid.

 

 
Communication is very important in every relationship, but it is important to adopt the type of communication skills that will empower your marriage instead of hurt it.

 

 
It is obvious that women are the one that do the most talking in the home. Men are always discreet. Most men never want to talk about anything.

 

 
If you have form the habit of holding back your thoughts, it may be harming your marriage, as women never feel relaxed when they realized that their partner is having some secrets.
It is true we want a moment of silence, but understand that this could be building up as a habit in you because it requires some efforts to achieve.

 

 
A better communication is one unselfish way couples give to each other in marriage. Learn to improve your communication skill and empower your marriage here.

 

 
(5) Marriage can never be sweet all the times:-

 

 
Like I told you in the beginning of this article, I saw some couples that played to be having a happy marriage and I thought all is going to be like that. How dumb I was!
Marriage will not always be rosy, but you can chose how your own marriage will be.

 

 
The couples I saw may not always feel happy, but maybe they have a way of getting on track again.

 

 
That is where commitment comes in; whenever there is a fight or disagreement, the committed couples decides by themselves to compromise. You will hear them say “of course I know my spouse is faulty this time, but because I love my marriage and want it to move forward, I will forgive.

 

 
That is the difference between the happy couples and the divorces.

 
Whenever there is disagreement in your relationship, you have a choice on how to deal with it. Always chose the reconciliation method if you want to have a good husband and wife relationship.

 

 
(6) You must always be your spouse’s companion:-

 

 
Your spouse always wants to be your best friend. Yes you can always be with your other friends, and your spouse can be with their friends too, but your partner feels happier when they realized that you will choose to be with him/her rather than anyone else.

 

 
He/ she wants to hear those word as you hold hands and walk down the street, they want to be part of your activities, and feel happy when he/ she knows that they are part of those things you are doing or thinking.

 

 
If you are a smart spouse, you must go out of your ways to make your partner feel so special.

 
(7) You must always appreciate your spouse:-

 
No partner wants to be taken for granted, they want to be appreciated every time especially when they need to be appreciated.

 

 
Sometimes when I come home from office and everywhere is clean, the cloths washed; my spouse will expect me to say some nice things in appreciation to that, many times, I fail to notice it and she will not be happy.

 

 
Sometimes when it occurs to me, I will tell her what she wants to hear.
One of the most common courtesy in our world today is to say thanks you. Appreciation is a love to her, your spouse wants to hear that and also see it in your actions.

 

 
Do you realize how painful it is when you have worked hard for something and expect an appreciation but didn’t get that? That is exactly the same thing when it comes to your spouse.
Keep your eyes sharp to see those little things and show appreciation.

 

 
(8) You must always be attractive to your spouse:-

 

 
Many people think that it is no more necessary to stay attractive after you have said the vow.
During the courtship, when you were looking to win the attention of your spouse, you did everything to keep yourself in shape, you were dressing to kill. Now that you are married, you think those things don’t matter anymore.

 

 
You are wrong! There is everything to be more attractive to your spouse now than you were before.
Most of the break ups we see in marriage are because a partner has ceased to be who he/she was in the beginning. So always look nice, wear make ups, and be neat.

 

 

(9) You must be an encouragement to your partner:-

 
Marriage is all about cheering and encouraging your partner. There is always a time in the marriage when all will become blurring and maybe your partner needs to be reminded that all is well.

 

 
As a partner, you must understand those things that “speak the loudest” and make it a close part of your relationship.
You must understand those things that very well speak to your partner when you want to be a better encourager; this is because what maybe pleasing to you may not do the same to your spouse.

 
Make this regular practice in your home.
(10) There is need to be close to each other:

 

 
There are times when your spouse may rather be alone, but often all she need may be your closeness. Closeness and tenderness goes hand in hand.

 

 
Just hold your spouse’s hand and squeeze it, hug and caress. That may be all you need to do at that moment to make the moment beautiful once again.

 

 
Some partners especially women find it hard to express their emotional needs, but they feel on top when you unexpectedly understand from their eyes.
So be smart at all times and just assure him or her that you are there right beside him or her.

 

 
(11) The is need to spiritually empower your spouse:

 

 
God made man the head of the spouse. That means that it is the man’s work to take care of the woman physically and spiritually.
One way you can help to empower your wife spiritually is to live by example and watch her follow your footsteps.
Your wife will follow and trust you more when she understands that you are fully following God’s footsteps.

 

 

 
When she understands that you are fully committed to the things of God, then she will feel much secured with you.
Devote time to studying of the word of God with your spouse, laugh, enjoy life and laugh when necessary.

 

 
That may be all you need to make your marriage a happy and a successful one.

 

 
Rounding up:
You may not always wait to make mistakes before you could learn. You can learn from other people’s mistakes.
That is why I took time to show you all that I learned from my years in marriage so it will give you a lift to making your marriage work better.

 

 
It is now left for you to learn from it or leave it.
Since you read to this point, I know it will impact your relationship pretty well.

 

 
Don’t forget to leave a comment in the comment box bellow and remember to share this article with your friend.
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10 reasons marriages doesn’t work Again

happy marriage, happy couples, unhappy couples, loveMany times, I have imagined the way people feel when they fell in love with someone: I guess you know exactly what am talking about. It feels like nothing else exists but just the two of them.

 

 

There’s nothing else they want to do than to be with each other night and day.

 
Then they marry each other, and start enjoying their marriage; one year, two years, three years…

 

 
And suddenly, things starts taking a new shape; quarrels and fight becomes the order of the day. Not that we want to fight or quarrel, but we do quarrel anyway.

 

 
Sometimes we blame it to the “practicalities” and routines of life, and sometimes we blame ourselves.

 
In the earlier stages of our marriage, things were not like that. There were lots of things we want to talk to each other about; we always want to be in each others arm.

 
Now, the ability to talk deep about our feelings and aspirations have gradually die down and our conversation now starts revolving around just the domestic duties and other plans.

 
One question that usually come to my mind when I see this happen is this “what happened to that first love?” is there really a thin line between love and hate?

 

 
Obviously, most couples have lost the consciousness of the things that brought them together, we have taken each other for granted and worst of all, we sometimes find each other annoying and boring.

 

 
But why is marriage not working for our generation? It worked for our great grandfather, and many of us see it working for their parents too.

 
One thing is that we don’t want the quarrels or fight, we want to marry and enjoy our spouse, but the world we live in now has added so many roadblocks in our ways and have made it hard for us to have a happy married life with someone we love.

 

 
In this article I took my time to list for you 10 reasons why couples are not happy any more with their marriage and why marriages don’t work again.

 

 

 

Here they are ::)
(1) Advancement in technology:-

 

 
The internet, the social media and cell phone has played a very significant role in the life of many couples today.
In a research conducted on married couples, 54% of them accepted that their mobile phone have brought negative impacts in their marriage.

 

 
Some years back, we want to take certain steps just to prove to someone that you actually love him/her.
We want to go extra miles, because we will not want anything come between us and our fiance.

 

 
Then, technology have not exploded the way it is now, things where very much different than it is now; text massaging was starting out them, social media was not heard of as it is now.

 

 
Then if you want to see him or her, you must have to drive to wherever you will have the opportunity. You must take a certain action to express your love.

 

 
Today, things are different. Technology has taken over everything. You can be in a very distant place and send flowers to your spouse. You may not see or hear your spouse’s voice when you want to communicate with him or her.
Our cell phones buzz at breakfast, we check our emails in the evening, when we are taking a ride the radio play, and television is there when we come home to share times together.

 

 
Nowadays, when people get stressed up, instead of going back home to their spouse to be cheers up, they prefer to stay in front of the television to get the solace they need.
We have been faced with so many distractions.

 

 
I am not saying that advancement in technology is bad. But it has made us to be far from the one we love.

 

 
(2) Sexual frequency declined:-

 

 
Sex is very important in every relationship. One of the way couple could express what they feel for each other is through sex; it brings two people closer to each other.

 

 
As year goes by, the sexual lives of partners starts declining or become none existent at all due to age of the couples or the duration of the relationship.

 

 
Looking at the data from (NSHSLS) National health and social life survey, and that of (NSHAP) National Social Life, health and Aging project, I realized that the decline in sex frequency could be due to change in the statue of the marriage or physical health of the couples,

 
Most couples no more look forward to seeing their spouse undress just as it used to be during the earlier stage of the marriage.

 

 
Many of the couples even find it hard to have sex once in a month; many other do that only when they want to have children.

 

 
Tell me how the marriage will fair. : )

 

 
When you look at the cases of cheating in marriage, most of the reasons for that is the inability of the couple to satisfy each other sexually or even have sex at all.

 

 
That is one reason I feel hurt inside when I see couples who do not take sex serious, because they are heading for a serious destruction.

 

 
If you are not doing any other thing, try to work on your sex life.Tweet This

 

 

You may want to read my article on how to improve your boring sex life.

 

 

(3) Internet and social medias:-

 
Internet has done so much harm than good to our marriages. It has taken away our loved one’s from us. Almost all the divorce lawyers believe that internet contributed to the rapid increase in divorce in the world today especially social media and chatting.

 

 
Social media has helped couples invite thousand other people into their matrimonial bed with just a click.

 

 
There is nothing as privacy again in our lives. With just a click you will show a total stranger the innermost part of your wardrobe, your kitchen, the new under cover you are wearing or even the part of your body that naturally is meant to be seen by your spouse only.

 

 

 

 

We find more time to share everything we do with a complete stranger, everything we do, everywhere we go, and we are more connected with people outside than we do with our spouse.

 

 

 

Couple has no time to share their experiences again, because there is nothing new to share; all have been shared outside.

 

 
What baffles me most is that even the little time left for the couple to enjoy together, you see everyone hooked on the cyber space looking for the most current update and chatting with friends neglecting the important moment in marriage.

 

 

 
The latest of it all is that you may be with your spouse in the same bed while your spouse is sex chatting with another person on the internet.

 

 

 
Tell me how a marriage will work in this atmosphere. : )

 

 
There is absolutely nothing wrong when you chat with people on the internet, but we just have to have a place to draw the line, we must know when it becomes too much.

 

 

 

 
Internet has evidently destroyed the relationships we enjoyed with our spouse and some marriages have also been chattered by it.

 

 
(4) We love validation but not to be loved:-

 

 
Although this is not for everyone, but a lot of us are purely guilty of this; we love to be validated at all time, we desire attention from people, and we want people to like us more than to love us.

 

 

 
We love to be famous. When you wear your latest cloth, you want people to see it.

 

 

 

Thanks to social media, which has given everyone an opportunity to be that famous? It has made our dreams to become a celebrity come true. : )

 

 
You struggle to get people’s attention before, now with just a click you get more than you needed. All you need to do is just to upload a picture, and you get thousands of likes from strangers.

 

 
Well! All those are good, but my advice is this “If you want to love someone, quit looking attention from any other place and concentrate on the one you get from your spouse.

 

 
It is not easy to love someone when you are per-occupied with worries of what other people think of you, whether it is posting pictures on social media, spending lavishly just to impress others or going on vacation because others did.

 

 
(5) Quest to be financially independent crippled us:

 

 

 
Finance plays a very important role in any marriage, and that is the reason the subject of finance and how to make proper plan on how to make use of it to keep the marriage going should not be neglected.

 

 
But the quest to get enough money down to be able to meet our other needs have separated us from the normal relationships we are supposed to enjoy with our spouse.

 

 

 
You will believe with me that things are not the same way they are now during years ago; nowadays, there are so many things you must do in other to be happier in life, and they require a large sum of money to get it done.

 

 

If you want your marriage to work, you must nurture it from time to time. Tweet This

 

 
Think about how much it takes you to run your home now; think about the children’s education, think about other necessities. Now calculate what it costs then and compare it with today, you will see the difference.

 

 
Because all these are indispensable, we have neglected our marriage so that we could get enough money to sustain it.
Now you have to get your hands on any work to pay for utilities, send your children to school, and the worst of it all is that it is so difficult to get the kind of job that can provide such income to you.

 

 

 
You can imagine what harm this has caused to families. It has prevented us from living our lives as couple. We find ourselves so busy paying bills that we forget about taking our spouse out for dinner, you have to forget about your usual vacation this year because the bills are there staring at your face.

 
We are going farther apart than coming together.

 

 

(6) Not getting over grudges:

 

 
Our inabilities to deal with the grudges we have against our spouse could be one of the biggest obstacles to marriage success.

 

 
To move your marriage forward, we must always have a place in our heart to forgive and let go of those things our spouse have done to us.

 

 

 
Stacy became sad that the husband forgot their marriage anniversary. When the husband realized that, he did everything he could do to pacify her, yet Stacy found it hard to let go.

 

 

 
The husband soon becomes frustrated with the wives attitude. Actually he committed some errors, and has also shown how sorry he was by getting flowers and other gifts for her.
It is actually the husband that caused the problem, and now Stacy has compounded the issues.

 

 

 
(7) UN-forgiveness:

 

 
If saying sorry is hard to you, then you should think of other ways of doing that, like living a note on the table saying “ I am sorry”. Keep it anywhere your spouse could see it before going to bed.

 

 

 
When you go about your with the grudges of what your spouse did to you, it will keep the two of you farther from each other.

 

 

 
Forgiveness will go a long way to make your marriage strong again; the absence will destroy it.

 

 

 
Quick tips on how to forgive:

 

 
(1) Map out time to talk about the matter.
(2) Let your spouse know why you are upset
(3) Tell him/her right there that you have forgiven the sin.
(4) Never remember the issues again.
(5) Keep reminding yourself that you have settled the issues.

 

 
When you forgive your spouse, you have taken your first to become close with your spouse.

 

 

 

 
(8) Baggage from yesterday:

 

 
Before two of you came together as husband and wife, you lived your lives individually. Some of us had different experiences, histories and responses that left a mark in our lives. These baggage usually stay with us for the rest of our lives.

 

 
Simply put, we have these baggage as we go into marriage; I am talking about the past happiness, hurts and attitudes.

 

 

 
For example; if you knew your parents to be the type that likes to fight always, you may probably think that the best way of dealing with your challenges is to fight.

 

 

 
If you are the last in your family, probably you were pampered by your parents, the tendency is that you may be expecting everybody to pamper you the same way.
If you are from a personal relationship that was not pleasing, you may think your new spouse will be the same.
The best way to move forward is to let the baggage go and face your new marriage with commitment and believe that it is a new beginning.

 

 
You can look for a marriage therapist or counselor to help you deal with those issues of the past.

 

 
Other ways to drop our past baggage

 

 
(1) Take full responsibilities of you problems.
(2) Forgive yourself.
(3) Ask God to help you.
(4) Move on with your life.

 

 

 

 

(9) Unsolved problems:

 

 
One of the challenges we face in marriage today is the unresolved issues. It is better to deal with conflict in our marriage immediately they occur, than letting it linger.

 

 
Usually 68% of issues in the marriage are managed instead of being solved and they sometimes pop up again in a more damaging ways.

 

 

 
If we are not able to solve these when they are still in the finger tip, it may turn out to be complex and suddenly, your judgments will change and you start seeing your spouse as the cause of the whole thing.

 

 

 
We build walls but bitterness is usually sown. Unresolved issues bring divisions and separation to couples.
Also know that solution doesn’t happen like magic. It may take some time. That is the reason you should start the process now.

 

 

 
(10)Extended families:

 

 
Our in-laws could sometimes be our best friend and at times be a foe to us too as there are some in-laws who will want to be in the center of your marriage.

 

 

 
It is obvious we can get good advices and wisdom from our parents, however, there has to be a boundary.

 

 

 
There is every tendency that what worked for them may not work for us also. You have to make these known to your parents that your marriage, spouse and family is your topmost priority, and that you still love them as your parents.

 

 

 
You should be able to make the decisions that will be best for your marriage and do those things you deem best for you and your family.

 

 

 
In conclusion:

 
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured. Even when you are sure marriages are not working, you can stand your ground and make a difference.

 

 

 
Do things that are only bringing joy and happiness to your spouse. Take steps that will bring the two of you closer, that such that will bring separation.

 

 
If there is such a marriage that could be described as a happy marriage that means you can actually make your already broken or dead marriage to be strong and alive again.
It all depends on you.

 

 
If this article is useful to you, please remember to share it with your friends on Facebook and other social Media.
Also feel free to ask question via the comment box.

 

 

Bonus read:

 

 

How to communicate effectively with your spouse

Must important marriage questions answered

Read My Personal Happy Marriage Story and Learn from it Too

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Today, I want to share a very important story that will inspire all my readers. I want to share my personal happy marriage story.

 
I decided to write this story with regards to so many questions I get from my readers. I have no reason to doubt that this story will inspire someone to start writing his or her own happy marriage stories or maybe when you would have tried some of the tips I have written down here.

 
It all started in 2014, when I made up my mind to get married. I had long lists of what type of woman I want to marry.

 
1. Tall
2. Fair in complexion
3. Beautiful
4. Quiet
5. Church going type
6. Hard working
7. A good cock
8. Prayerful and so on.

 
The list was actually so long.

 
But let me tell you one thing that will give you the shock of your life now; I was not able to get half of the things in my list, and yet I can prove to you that my spouse is the type of woman every man will want to have.

 
Now this is why I said this: never think you will get up to hundred % of your own list if you are still searching. It takes stepping into the water for the water to divide. You know what I am talking about?

 
In 2005 ( 10 years ago) I met and married my darling wife (cherish). One mistake I made at that time was believing that I know everything there is to know about marriage, but even the fundamentals of marriage were so strange to me.

 
Now this is what happened next.

 
After going down the isle and saying the “I do thing” Life started; yes! life of a married man. It was a new life altogether. Everything changed, more responsibilities added. I was doing the superman. I thought I could make things happened on my own. But things where crumbling very fast. One day I decided to hand everything over to God. I let Him take over from where I stopped, then everything started changing and taking shape again.
Then we learn t what I did not know before, and could not even know had I not handed everything over to God.

 
Here are the things we learned

 
Pay close attention to all am going to share here. Those are where my happy marriage story started.

 
(1) We learned that marriage is a union of two different people who came together bringing two different unfinished businesses:-

 
These unfinished businesses were the things that created so many problems in our marriage at the early stage. We also learned how to work on our maturity, and then slowly, our relationship began to to mature also.

 
(2) There where every need for us to change as life changes:-
When one decides to grow, there is every need to adapt to the different stages of life, and to also know that different stages of life comes with different gifts and challenges to marriage. Until we recognized these, we started making adjustments and then we started growing with each stage we passed.

 
(3) We learned and accepted each other:-

 
We both came to the realization that we have different views to the same opinion. Most of the things that triggers my wives love and joy were not the same things I feel. The things I am sensitive to also were different from my wives. When we found out that we could not change each other, we accepted ourselves the way we are.

 
(4) We learned the importance of saying of saying “ I am sorry”:-

 
One thing is certain in every marriage; there must be quarrels and uproars. However, there is every need to quench the fire immediately even when you are not the course of the problems.

 
All these are the different things I learned and also inculcated in my marriage that gave me the reason to write this my personal happy marriage story.

 
I sincerely believe that someone has been able to learn something from this article.

 

Bonus reading

 

What Makes a happy marriage

 
PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO ADD YOUR VALUABLE COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS

How to Have a Happy marriage with a narcissist

Happy marriage with a narcissist. husband and wife, love, divorceSo many articles have been written on how to have a happy marriage, but not on how to have a happy marriage with a narcissist. Today, I am going to give you a clear and easy steps how you could do just that.

If you are reading this article now, that means you a probably married a narcissist, your friend or someone you know married one, you are planning to marry and don’t want to marry someone like that. This write up will solve your problem.

However, if you are not sure of who a narcissist is, and then let me tell you a little about it.

Who is a Narcissist? –

A narcissist is someone who is always very full of himselves(self-importance) they love to dominate in thing like prestige, vanity and power. One thing about them is the inability to understand the damages they are inflicting to others around them or even themselves.

I am sure you now have a little knowledge of who a narcissist is. Does that describe the character of your man? Then you have nothing to fear. The step by step tips will guide you into having a successful and happy marriage your narcissist spouse.

   Steps to have a happy marriage with your narcissist spouse

Write down your reasons:-

It is not an easy job to live with a narcissist, but if you have made of your mind not to leave that narcissist you love, then you must take a note pad and a pen and write down 3 reasons why you love and not want to lose him or her.

These are the lists you will continually look at when the going becomes though and then get refreshed in the things you have planned to have in the near future time..

Your list may look something like this

  1. I have made up my mind to stay with my spouse through good and bad times.
  2. I know that my spouse is a wonderful person and will be superb in near future.
  3. As I remember the love that brought us together in the beginning, I promise to stand firm in my marriage.

Tell God About it:

You must know that only God has the power to change situation. Prayer is the only weapon we have to talk to God so why not tell God about your spouse’s challenge and believe things will change. It will definitely change.

Know what to negotiate with your spouse and the best negotiating style to adopt:

One thing the narcissist believes is that they know everything, and never go wrong. There may be some behaviors that will repel you, what is best for you to do is to overlook it, just allow it to slide.

Whenever you want to talk about anything, you must know the best time to do so and the best strategy to use. Always start your negotiations with the key convincing words. You have few minutes to get his/her attention. Never argue.

Tell your spouse how your marriage is slowly going down because of his/her lifestyle.

Don’t be surprised to see your spouse responding slowly to what you said.

Upgrade your self-esteem:-

It is obvious your self-esteem is challenged because your narcissist spouse is constantly wanted to have his ways every moment and not yours. Nevermind, just bring out your “Note” and you will remember that you are bent on having a happy marriage with narcissist.

Choose to say nice things to yourself at all time. That will help to re-affirm your faith in your spouse.

Rapping up

You must always understand that the change may not be imminent, but you are sure the change must come since you are committed in doing the things you are supposed to do to stay happily married with the narcissist you love so much.

Read Also

Role of a husband in building a happy marriage

What makes a man happy in marriage