5 Seriously interesting ways to sustain UN-ending romance in marriage

dating, loveIf your marriage is not what you expected it to be at this moment, then understand that all hope is not lust, because in this post I will show you few steps you should take to sustain UN-ending romance in your relationship.

 

You have seen so many couples that are very happy in their marriage, and you wonder how they made it so.

There is no other secret to their success, neither can it be seen as chance or luck it can only be attributed to those little effort from both partners and their great will to be together.

 

Hopefully, there are tons of things you can start doing after reading this article that can help you sustain lasting romance in your relationship.

 

So whether your marriage is going well, or failing before your very eyes, there is a great need to work and nurture it daily in other to keep romance alive.

 

Joel osteen in his book “Become a better you” said you don’t have to let your marriage  just survive, you should always have new vision daily.

I have also written so many posts that will show you how to improve your marriage

  1. 15 minutes a day just to breathe new life into your marriage
  2. How to recharge your marriage
  3. 5 simple but overlooked ways to make your marriage the best

 

What he is telling us is, to do anything in our disposal that could help our marriage or relationship grow better.

 

Question now is What are those things you can do to keep romance alive?

Here are they

 

HOW TO SUSTAIN LASTING ROMANCE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP /MARRIAGE.

1) Build a lasting friendships :- A lasting friendships is an important issue when you want to sustain Romance in your relationship because it creates a deeper bond between the two of you which always goes beyond being just being romantic.

 

How you relate with your spouse matters greatly in building a family.

It is that point in your relationship where you and your spouse don’t just love yourselves, but you like and cherish everything thing about each other.

 

Friendship also helps to build great intimacy where you and you partner are not afraid to share your deepest feelings and thoughts

 

When good friendship exist in your marriage, all your interests and activities becomes so enriched, because you are dealing with your best friend who wants to share it with you.

 

Dear, if friendship has been lacking in your relationship, then it’s time to start building it.

  • Here are few ways to go about it.
    a) Always be gentle
    b) Be considerate.
    c) Be trust worthy
    d) Be loyal
    e) Have time for your partner.
    f) Share deeper interests
    g) Laugh together.

 

To start building it, you must sit down and identify those things that are not working as it should and start working on it.

 

(2) Cuddle:– Cuddling is another way to make your marriage stronger.

Actually, nothing can be compared with cuddling that person you love dearly especially when you hold him through the night, it shows that the person is always on your mind when you are asleep and also he/ she is the first thing you set your eyes on as you wake up in the morning.

 

Research has proven that cuddling makes us
a) Happier:- We feel healthier and happier when you are physically close to someone and your body releases Oxycontin, a chemical that helps in maintaining a strong and healthy relationship.

 

b) Touching helps to reduce a good level of cortisol, which attacks our immune system. It also makes us less anxious.
When someone touches your hands and hold it for a while it makes us feel a little better.

Did you see why cuddling is important?

 

3) Be trustworthy:- Trust is inevitable in any relationship.

When trust exist in a relationship, there is that freedom that results to love and intimacy.

That simply means that without trust, there is insecurity, fear, and all these limits the full potentials of intimacy.

 

Question is!

Can your partner trust you? can he/ she be free enough to share her heart with you.

However, the same way you earn respect, you can also earn trust and it starts with doing what you say and remaining faithful to your spouse.

 

Sometimes, we are so ignorant to know that those little lie, those little failed promises we made to our spouse, is helping to diminish our trustworthiness in the eyes of our partners.
Remember, if you make so much withdrawal from your emotional bank account of trust, then trust will vanish.

 

My advice for you is to make building trust a priority in your relationship.

No trust simply means your marriage is heading to a crash

Henry cloud said that “Intimacy comes from knowing the other person at a deeper level ”

If the interest of your marriage is paramount to you, then start now to develop trust again.

 

4) Team work:- When you look at those successful couples, you will find out that they function well as a team and depend on one another for strength.

 

If the woman knows better about finances, she is left to be responsible for that, while the man is left to do the planning, if that is the area of his specialty.

 

He decides the day for the family vacation and outings as well as family devotion.

Just like in football, no player can play it all, all of the players depends on each other to win.

Such is marriage. There must be a team work to succeed as couple.

 

It is always easy for husband and wife to get out of sync and work against one another.

 

But always have in your mind that marriage is the same as a 3 legged race, if you try to push ahead without your spouse’s cooperation you will fail, but when you work as a team, then you will succeed.

 

Couples that works together covers each others weakness and build each others strength as well as help lift each other up when one stumbles.

 

5) Be Clear:- Always be clear when you are communicating, say your mind but not provocatively. It is important you monitor your voice during the communication.

 

Listen when necessary and never interrupt him or her during the conversation.

 

Share your burden thoughtfully, your partner is not a mind reader to know what your needs are, so let him/ her know it.

 

Talk about what is not going well in the relationship, your sex life, your family budget and other important issues, two heads are far too better than one when it comes to working things out.

 

Final thought :– There is no scientific way of sustaining lasting romance in your marriage than nurturing it daily.

If you start working on your relationship from this moment, you will make it successful in the near future.

Just look at were you need to start and start working immediately, you will surely succeed.

I am still your friend

Murphyaik.

 

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8 seriously smart dating advice you will obviously disregard

dating ideas, getting marriedIt takes time to establish a good relationship and it also takes carefulness to understand if two people are actually compatible with each other, and that’s why dating/courtship is important when you are ready to settle down.

 

But there are so many dating advice out there,- on the internet, books, CD’s, seminars, all about the roles of a man and a woman during dating.

 

While some of them works perfectly well, most of them no longer fit the move of how things works in the world today, and have left both men and women in the middle of the sea, when it comes to finding love.

 

Question is which report will you accept? Which courtship/dating advice should you adopt now?

 

In this article, I will show you some dating advice’s that sounds smart, which you should totally disregard.

 

     Here are few reasons you will read this post carefully

 

  • you will learn what work and what doesn’t work when it comes to dating

 

  • It will help you streamline your search for that near perfect spouse.

 

 

If you are ready for that, then let’s go.

 

               8 smart dating advice you should disregard.

 

dating, love1 Every dating must lead to marriage:-  Although this sounds so sweet and true, but it is not true. Every dating doesn’t result to marriage.

 

It is important to have the full purpose of courtship which is marriage in mind when you are dating, but that doesn’t mean it will result in marriage.

 

Dating is surely a time to mingle with someone; and a time people know if two of you is fit for each other.

 

But, if you find out that you are not compatible with each other, your next step is to quit and go your separate ways.

 

If all things are good, then you are free to go ahead and marry.

 

You must always be ready to let go of any relationship that didn’t work out.

 

Don’t see it as a failure, but as a learning process.

 

getting married, no good guys2 The good guys are all taken:- That’s also a lie. There are lots of nice guys out there, and believe me when I told you that your man is there waiting for you to show up.

 

Men are like buses, when you miss one, another man will surely appear.

 

Like I always say, be willing to let go of any that didn’t work out well; keep searching and praying, the man God reserved for you will come to you.

 

3 Date more than one man:- You have heard that it is good to date more than one man before you chose the right from the crowd.

 

But, I implore you to ignore that advice. It is counter intuitive to your plans of focusing, and anxiety about whom to chose, and you’ll always be worried about hurting someone else.

 

My question is this, what would you do, if they find out? You may end losing all.

 

Just stick to one man and see if it will work out for both of you.

 

4 You must offer sex to make him marry you:- One thing I know is that sex can’t keep a man who does not wish to be kept.

 

Sex is not a criterion for marriage.

The point is that any guy that wants a committed relationship with you, may not pressure to have sex as you are dating, especially when he is considering a long time relationship.

 

Again sex was designed as ‘ a response to love and not a foundation “. It should be used as a seal and cement that holds an already established relationship.

 

The fact is that the same guy you want to sleep with in other to get married could also be ready to lay another woman out there just to taste the water.

 

That’s the reason I said sex is not a criteria for marriage.

 

5 You’ll get to know more about your partner during dating:-  It is possible you can know few things about your would be partner during dating, but not all.

 

Study conducted in 1997 shows that only couples who have stayed longer could know each other well.

 

The length of courtship is usually not enough to know him/her that well.

 

Just seek to know as much as you can, and if you eventually commit to each other, then everything will be clear to you.

 

6 Disregard last minute date invites: – You got  a massage  from your date on Monday morning asking for a date  in the evening.

 

With excitement you told your friends in the office about it, and your were bombard with different advises.

Some said it’s good to honor it, and other asked you to play hard to get.

 

Now, you want to make your date understand that you are the busy type, and that you are mindful of your hubbies and that you prefer to socialize with your friends than any other thing.

 

Did you know you could be missing out a lot doing that?

 

Unplanned dates are always unforgettable.

 

7 Allow him pay for the first date:-Although this was practiced by our parents, but it doesn’t work in our time.

 

Expecting a Man to Pay on your first date look sounds good, but in our world today it looks presumptuous.

 

Although most men like to pay on the first date but there is nothing wrong if you can ask him to let you pay: but if he insists, then let him do that,  but offer to pay the next time.

 

dating, marriage8 Let the guys make the first move: – This sounds so romantic but it  is old fashioned.

 

Though courting is not dead, but it’s good to see dating with a fresh mind and with open heart.

 

You have the power to ask that person you’ve been chatting and speaking with online for a date or may be ask your date for a second rendezvous.

 

Remember, if you don’t ask,  you will not receive. So go ahead and make the first move.

 

Finally:-

 

I have done my part by showing you 10 dating advice you should completely disregard.

 

They sound so sweet, so romantic, and yet they are not worth given a second thought to.

 

Besides, I always implore my readers to look inside them for a good guidance in everything.

 

Always remember that the best advice that works perfectly well is the one you give yourself.

 

Bonus

7 marriage sweeteners

7 Types of men perfect for marriage

 

 

 

 

11 Subtle Marriage Killers we overlook in Our Marriage

Divorce, marriage killer, seperationThere are so many subtle marriage killers we overlook every day which becomes a big threat later in our relationships.

But, you are very careful

You know quite well that infidelity, lies, money issues, marriage incompatibility are the chief marriage killers and you are careful not to let those come close to you. That’s good.

You are also aware that mutual respect, good communication and good emotional intimacy are the most important things needed to make a marriage work and you are careful to make sure these are in place too.

So why is your marriage going through hard times?

Divorce, seperation, marriage killer I will tell you.

You see, relationships never fail because one partner or both decided to quit respecting, stopped having sex, lose communication with the partner.

There are so many subtly and highly neglected marriage destroying viruses that’s gradually eating up your marriage.

The funny thing about these silent killers is that, just like virus gently infest and corrupt without symptoms’, so it lies in our relationship for weeks, months, years and suddenly it starts affecting our relationship even before we are aware of it.

No couple prays for these in their marriage, but it keeps occurring.

In this post, you will understand what the subtle marriage killers are, and also how you can bulletproof your relationship from its attack.

 

15 Subtle marriage killers we over look in our marriage

Bitterness: –Bitterness means the same thing as jealousy, animosity, hostility, harshness and some other parts of harshness and anger which later results to hatred, vindictiveness, inordinate competition. All these are serious marriage destroyers.

One important reason why bitterness is very dangerous is its ability to take root and gradually start to spread and finally contaminate your mind without you knowing.

When you let bitterness grow in your marriage, it will gradually cause you to fault your spouse as well as the Lord.

The root of bitterness can grow to destroy your marriage. That’s why you must not allow it in your marriage for any reason.

Solution: The best solution to bitterness is to replace it with forgiveness and reconciliation. Never sleep with your problems, be ready to settle it immediately.

Pornography:-This  is another marriage killer that is so subtle in its attack. People usually see it as very harmless.

Yes they believe the only harmful part of it is when a child starts watching it too.

Pornography also starts from gradually viewing it, until it turns to a big sexual addiction which is one of the biggest and destructive addictions which is hard to break.

Here is some impacts pornography in marriage

1 It brings emotional disconnection

2 Decrease intimacy and affection

3 decrease sexual interaction among couples.

4 Cause masturbation

5 Cause infidelity and cheating.

When the other partner suddenly discovers about the partners addiction to pornography, they feel cheated, deceived and betrayed; and that brings hurt and anger.

Solution:-  if you value your marriage, quit watching pornographic material as the Lord himself says that looking at a man or woman lustful is a sin.

poor communication skill, marriage killers,divorcePoor communication skills:-In as much as communication is an important aspect of any relationship, poor communication skills can also be a big disaster to relationships.

When a partner thinks that the sole and aim of communication is all about negotiating how to make  your partner know your needs, then she/he has no good understanding of what communication is all about.

Bad communication skills can destroy your marriage in a twinkle of an eye, and until you and your partner understands the value and purpose of communication.

You will not know what marriage is all about.

Solution:-Learn how to communicate effectively; find out the communication skills that empowers your marriage and use it, also discard those skills that bring issues.

divorce,seperation,marriage killers4 Blame Game:- If you are that type of partner that constantly blames the other, then be aware that you are causing harm to your better half and also destroying your marriage.

Blaming your spouse makes him/her believe you have no trust at all and it

  1. Reduces intimacy.
  2. It’s another form of emotional abuse.

Dr Jordan said that “when you are being blamed, chronically for an act you didn’t commit, it’s like being beaten verbally

Blaming is an inappropriate and unproductive form of communication. So if you want success in your marriage, then quit the blame game

Solution:- Quit blaming and focus more on making important improvements on your marriage.

  1. Comparison:- Do you compare your spouse with the other person? That is absolutely detrimental to your marriage. When you compare your spouse, it shows that you value the other person more than you do your spouse.

It also opens the door for cheating, which may be hard for you to shut and you do not want that I guess.

  1. Keeping secrets: – Keeping secrets is another marriage breaker people neglect so much.

Carole Lieberman, MD says “In an idea world and marriage, no secrets are okay” she said that even a little secret close a part of a spouse “heart” and also create distance in relationship.

Any relationship that wants to prosper must not keep secret from each other.

7.Familiarity: It is good to know your spouse pretty well.

Of course one of the secrets of John Guttman is to know each other well. However, over familiarity bring a problem in more,

When you think you have known your spouse too well, that can do obnoxious to him/her and get away with it. That includes yelling, ignoring, being ride over, nagging and complaining.

Remember, you must know and understand your spouse but don’t use it against him/her.

  1. Keeping a list of wrongs:-It has been said that marriage is a relationship of two good forgers. For a relationship to grow and thrive well, you must understand that no one is perfect, even you.

But, if you are good at keeping list of wrongs, then you hurting your marriage big time, because it will make you keep distance from your spouse.

  1. Sexual frustration:- Sex is one special gift partners owe to each other.

It is God’s given gift to marriage, to bring intimacy, fulfillment and “mutual bonding” to couples.

In some marriages, sex has either become boring, painful, fearful, or even non existing.

Sex should not be taken for granted; the very movement you neglect it, your marriage maybe heading for a big fall.

10 Unable to meet your spouse’s most important emotional need:-There is always an emotional need for everyone.

Those cravings are so important to your spouse that when you meet them, then it becomes a problem.

Therefore to keep your marriage from collapse, look for those needs and meet them, else your spouse will look elsewhere to get what they want.

love,divorce,seperation, marriage killers11 Gossips:-I know what you are thinking now; is there anything like gossip in marriage? Let me answer that with these questions.

How would you describe it when a man complains about his wife to his friends or a woman gripping about her husband to her friends and sometimes to the children?

Some people are good at advertising even their spouses most insignificant fault and making irrelevant comments outside about their spouse.

It is a very bad habit. Have you ever stopped and thing about how your spouse will feel when he/she hears it; compare that to when he/she hears about how you are upholding her.

Final thought:-

Everybody wants a happy home, but it doesn’t come on a platter of gold. Take some time to survey your marriage, and see all those loopholes and stitch them on time to prevent future problems that can cost your relationship.

Remember, no one else can help your marriage survive if not you.

 

15 Highly Neglected Threats to our Marriage

MARRIAGE, HAPPINESS IN MARRIAGENothing destroys a marriage like not paying attention to those little marriage threats that rears its head sometimes in marriage, as well as not taking proper steps to avoid it or overcome it.

 

The reason why there is a steep increase in the statistics of divorce is no doubt because of couples unable to see those threats coming.

happy marriade, divorce rising daily, save your marriage, highly neglected threats to marriage

Before anything could happen, there must be signs and warnings, however, if there is no proper plan in place to stop it, then the end result becomes fatal.

 

In this article, I will be able to demystify the threats to you so you can wear your shied of protection.

 

There are so many things that can be a threat to a marriage, and most at times they look so insignificant that you may not even give much thought to it; yet it is eating deep into your relationship with your spouse.

 

You hoped your marriage will be very smooth and romantic, but what you are seeing right now is completely opposite to the dreams you had initially.

 

It was not in your plan that you will ever quarrel with each other, yet you never stopped yelling and shouting. It is no your fault.

 

Here is why all those things are happening; you were so negligent to see those subtle marriage killers before it pounced on your marriage.

Download Free PDF Profile of 15 Highly Neglected Threats to Marriage. Click here to Download

 

 

But don’t worry, by the time you are through with this article, you will see how easy it is to patch the holes in your marriage and to restore, joy, peace and love; just the way it used to be.

 

In this article, we are going to be looking at those highly overlooked threats to marriage, and how you can avoid it.

 

Now, let us dive in immediately 🙂

power struggle, happy marriage

Tussle for struggle:-

Marriage is not politics, it is a union of two good forgivers right, but how come sometimes there is a power tussle between you and your partners just as it is in politics.

 

Power struggle is a time in marriage when every couple is more interested about being right and you are ready to prove the other wrong.

 

I remember what a friend told me the day I visited the house to settle a dispute between him and the wife; he called me out and told me that all they are doing is just to know how will be the master.

 

He is trying to prove himself as the man of the house, and the wife is also proving to be the most qualified member of the house. But why should this happen in a marriage?

 

It is simple! It is very easy to blame your partner, than thinking of a better and proper way to make your underlying feelings known.

 

Couples who are stocked in the game of ‘why should this happen’ are more likely to struggle for power, because they are so much on the lookout about “whose fault it is”.

 

It was your fault that the children were not brought from school on time; it is your fault that we did not get that apartment; you don’t think about your family all you know is your work; all these you will hear from them.

 

You can blame your spouse for all the mistakes in the world, but you are simply turning the mistakes to be the faults of your partner. Think of what will happen when your partners respond to all these negatively; it will result in argument and then fight.
Now tell me what will become the faith of your marriage at this time.

 

No trust for your words:

Words are important, but understanding the proper ways to use your words is more important. It can be very easy to forget actions than words that come out of your mouth.

 

I said this to let you know that if you let your words be too unusual that nobody will have confidence in them, then you have made the greatest mistakes.

 

One of the things that make a marriage happy is trust, and your spouse will trust you more if they can rely on you and your words.

Never give your spouse the reason to lose confidence in words.

 

It will begin when you say those things you are not sure of, or promise those things you are capable of doing.

 

I fall victim of promising so many thing that I didn’t do; not that I didn’t want to do it, but I did not do it, and this caused a crack in my marriage until I was able to re build the trust.

 

It is better not to promise anything at all and still go ahead and do it, that saying it and not doing it at all.

 

If you neglect this second point, then your marriage may be threatened so much and may become worst by the time you come back to your senses.

 

Expecting perfection from your spouse:-

You know you are not perfect and you should not seek perfection from your spouse too. When you start expecting more than your partner can be or give, you are not doing yourself any good because you will feel bad when they fail to do or come up to your standard.

 

Sometimes, we measure if our partner is exact match for us, this usually brings dissatisfaction in marriage.

 

Remember that everybody is not created equal. They best step to take if you think your spouse is not what you expect is to help him or her grow and to offer yourself as a guiding angel during the process of growth.

 

Making sex casual and none existence:-

You may think you are doing your marriage/ relationship good by not having sex at all with your spouse or doing it just because you want to produce children. No you are wrong about that.

 

Sex is important in making every marriage strong, it provides a way for partners to have fun with each other and also strengthen their relationship. But it is amazing how people especially couples neglect sex in their marriage.

 

Research shows that couples have sex about fifty eight (58) times in a year, which is less than 2 times a week and also less than 15% of couple have not had sex for the past 5 months.

 

Happy couples are happier because they have sex more often. Although there is more to marriage than having sex, but sex is still very important to the growth of your marriage.

 

Now let me ask you this important question; when was the last time you had sex? If you find it hard to remember, then here is my advice to you; the more you let the time pass, the harder it may be to get it back as your body will stop producing the hormones that gets you arouse when you are with your partner.

ignorant, happy marriage

 

Ignorance:

Another highly overlooked marriage killer is ignorance; many people have accepted the saying that whatever you don’t know will never kill you, that is not true. So many people have been ruined or destroyed by those things they are not aware of..

 

Take for instance you did not know when they gave the alarm of impending flood coming to your area, and when everyone is packing out you didn’t; when the flood comes you will not give excuses.

 

The same is our marriage. Most marriages are being wrecked by ignorance. Many people enter the marriage institution without knowing all they should know about it, some are not sure how love is been practiced or expressed.

 

Some are not even sure of what makes a partner wrong or right, once they are satisfied emotionally, then all they believe they have a successful marriage.

 

Actually it is easier to make a relationship work, but if you are not sure of the things that makes it work, then you will not find it easy to cope.

 

Many people will give more attention to learn anything, but too little will be invested into learning how to move their relationship forward.

 

Marriage is not a game of chance. If you must study to pass your exams, then you must learn new ways to make your marriage strong.

 

Wrong utterances:

Words are powerful; they have the power to mend, destroy, inspire and stop you from some actions. One of the recipes that contribute to marital issue without the knowledge of the partners is the unguarded words that come out of the mouth of the couples.

 

Of course, it is your mouth, and you can say whatever you wish to; but understand that your marriage may be heading to destruction because of those utterances.

 

Some words are not good to be used at all in marriage, so before any word will come out your mind, weigh it and know if it will hurt or build your marriage. It is obvious you will want the growth and not death of your marriage.

 

Inability to express your feeling:

Another important silent marriage wrecker is not expressing your feelings or rather not doing it properly. Some people find it hard to express how they feel to their partner because they feel they may be criticized, misinterpreted or they are simply ashamed to let it out.

 

But understand that keeping quiet maybe hurting your marriage so deep. You have to be candid about any issues, hurts, disappointments or problems in your marriage. Let your spouse know when you are sad and express joy when you are happy.

 

If you should learn how to express your feelings well, then there should be reason for quarrels and divorce. The best reason you married your spouse in the first place is because you loves and want to spend your entire life together with your children.

 

Expressing our feelings makes us think through, and also give us the opportunities to move forward, but if you hold your feelings to yourself, then stress will come in, and the end result of stress is divorce.

 

Complacency:

Many couples believed the main issue is to find someone and get married to, that is why they relax once they get married. But believe me when I told you that getting married is important, but the ultimate achievement is making your marriage successful.

 

In other to get the most from your marriage, you must always invest your effort, time and energy into it.

 

Being complacent simply show that you very satisfied with the level of your marriage and you need no further sacrifices to make, but that will only keep your eyes off the potential defects or dangers.

 

Some times in the marriage, couple starts taking each other for granted, stop trying to make their marriage work better, and start giving attention to other mundane things. All these will make a relationship to be a routine and then divorce comes in.

 

Marriage experts rated complacency as the silent killer of marriage and this is true because before couples will realize the crack in the marriage due to complacency, then the damage is done.

 

Unfortunately couple do neglect this because they think their partner understands what they feel about them or that they know their partners better; but the fact is that it is very easy for someone to change especially when you have not taken time to nurture him or her.

 

Telling your friends about your marital problems:

Have you ever thought about how many details about your marriage you should keep to yourself and those to share with your friends?

 

It’s amazing how many marriages have gone down the drain because we share what is meant to be kept with our partner to other people outside in the name of getting advice from them.

 

It is very true your marriage is not working as it should, your hubby is emotionally not available, your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, so many things about your marriage doesn’t give you space to concentrate and you must tell someone to ease your mind.

 

You want to tell your friends and relative because you don’t want to experience that omen called divorce.

 

Hear this! The type of advice you may get, can quicken the divorce step which is not your aim of sharing. Why should you tell them? When everyone is busy solving his/her own problems.

 

It will be best to look for a way to settle the issues with your spouse directly. Sharing with your friends can only make the matters worse.

 

marriage and gadgets,happy marriageHooked on gadgets:

Gadgets are good, but do you believe that gadgets can ruin your marriage and destroy your emotions too? If you really want to make your marriage work very well, then you must limit the use of gadgets like, smartphone, laptop, and television etc., because it can really take you out of this physical world just like any other addiction will do.

 

I didn’t say you should not make use of them or that you should not make calls or check your mail; but you must know how and when it is proper to do that.

 

So many homes are destroyed because gadgets have taking up the little time couples have to spend together when they come back from work, think about the distance it will bring among you and your spouse.

 

I was a victim of this; because of my so much use of laptop, my marriage started taking a new shape. Sooner than I knew, my partner got herself addicted to her smartphone that she hardly hears me whenever she is chatting or checking up new updates on social media.

 

Thank God I realized it on time and then set boundaries. If you are getting farther apart from your spouse because of not putting your gadgets down, then you must slow it down.

 

Assumption:

Assumption is one of those things that can destroy any marriage in a flash if not taken care of. This is how it starts; when your partner says something, you quickly interpret it in your own understanding and then say it back to your partner, and still hold your partner responsible for your own translation. I call it mind reading, because you read whatever another person has in mind.

 

The harmful thing about this mind reading is that you will guess what your partner’s feelings or thoughts are and wrongly interpret it, and then go ahead and act without letting your partner know.

 

Secondly you assume your partner is seeing someone outside because you call him or her for lunch and maybe he didn’t answer on time, he always came back home very late and that is because he is dating another woman.

 

What if your assumptions are not true? Don’t you think if there is a good communication between the two of you, there wouldn’t be anything like that?

 

If you are feeling anything in your mind, or you want your spouse to understand anything, the best way to go about it is to ask politely instead of going into action.

 

Unnecessary comparison:

Comparison of any type in marriage is bad and can destroy any marriage no matter how strong the marriage is. There should be no reason for you to compare your marriage, your home as well as your spouse with anything outside. This is because nothing in this world is created equal.

 

Many people are fond of desiring to be what they are not simply because they see other people doing the same.

 

You see a beautiful girl passing by and you compare her with your spouse, you see a tall handsome man and you wish this is the guy you are married to; but you made the choice yourself in the beginning.

 

Another aspect of this is you want to travel for summer because your neighbor did that; you did not ask if you are capable of becoming who you are planning to be.

 

Did you imagine what stress it will bring to your marriage? I am not saying it is bad to think big, but there should be a limit to that else you will destroy your marriage by yourself.

 

Wrong associations:

The type of friends you associate with will either kill or build your marriage. One quote describe it well that “If you tell me your friends, I will tell you who you are.

Many people change their character or life because they associated or still moving with someone of good or bad character. If your friends are the type that can give good advice, then you are on your way to a better marriage. But what if they are the type that will tell you ‘if it is me I will not accept that” don’t you know what will be looming in your marriage right now?

Choose friend that will help your marriage than destroy it, unless you prefer the later.

 

Trying to change your partner:

It is wrong to enter into a relationship or marriage with the hope of changing your spouse in future. Research says if your partner did not change before wedding, he/she will not change after.

Wanting to change your partner will only make you to pushy, and no one want to be pushed. Just purse for a moment and imagine your previous actions; did you try to control or change your spouse? If that is what you did, I implore you to slow down because it will destroy your marriage.

I didn’t mean you cannot give worthwhile advice and corrections to your spouse, but you should think of a better way to do that so you don’t hurt you spouses feelings.

 

Rounding Up

As I round up with this article, here are the things you must give more attention to that will help you overcome those marriage threats. Never try to change your spouse as it will only bring chaos between the two of you, choose the type of friends you associate with, forget the power struggle and stop comparing your spouse, your home or yourself with anything outside. If you can avoid all these, then you will save your marriage from destruction

17 Brilliant happy couple’s habit you must copy.

Happy couples habit, happiness in marriage, happymarriagebuilder,happy,loveIf you really want a successful marriage, then looking at these 17 happy couple’s habits I listed in this article could be all you needed to achieve that.

 
One thing about marriage YOU must understand is that if you don’t take daily steps to make it works, you will suddenly see it crumbling.

 
That is why it is imperative that as you are studying about the thing you will do to make your relationship better, you must also look at your marriage, and think of the things or habits you will adopt, or remove to make it much better.

 
In this article you will clearly see some tested and approved happy couple’s habits you will adopt in your marriage too.

 
But who exactly is this happy couple? Are there couples that are created to be happier than the other? And why must you copy other people to make your own marriage strong?
The fact still remains that; no marriage is created to be happier, stronger or even perfect. However, there is always the couple that looks as if they have it all. These couple still looks at each other and feel those sparks.

 
They feel happy together: the only things that matters to them is just the two of them.

 
It didn’t just start; over time in their marriage, they have developed some habit, and those habits are the things that differentiated them from the other couples.

 
Today we are going to look at those habits and how you should inculcate them into your own marriage to make the difference too.

 

 

17 happy couple’s habit every partner must adopt.

communication, happymarriagebuilder, happy couples(1) They know communication to be the key:

 

 

Communication has the power to build or destroy a marriage and the happy couples know this.

 
They also know communication to be a hard but an essential recipe for a successful marriage, and they chose to do everything to build it.

 
In marriage, the couples that understand how to communicate openly and freely are the ones that have a fulfilled relationship. In the other if you and your partner do not have an effective communication; you are likely to have frustrations and resentments.

 
One important aspect of a successful marriage is communication and not just that, but an effective communication.

 
With that, you could bring great joy to you spouses heart and also build your relationship to the height that you can’t imagine.

 
To communicate effectively with your spouse, you must know

 
– Those communication behaviors that add values to your marriage.

 
– Identify those communication behaviors that can improve and yield happiness in your relationship.

 
– Identify the communication behaviors that brings obstacles instead of building your marriage

 
– Implement communication techniques and tools that will enhance your marriage.

 
– Improve your ability to understand and manage every massage.

 
I have covered everything you need to know about communication in marriage here. So you can read that up.
couples argument, love, joy(2) Happy couples know that as human beings, mistakes and arguments are inevitable:

 
Nobody is perfect. In fact no marriage is 100% perfect. It takes courage and ability to move on in marriage. The happy couple knows these too well and they also understand the difference between having an argument as well as having a fight.

 
Arguments are essential for the growth of a marriage; what makes the difference between the happy couple and the unhappy when it comes to argument is just the method of dealing with their conflicts.

 
Happy couples understand that talking and settling their disputes is better that blaming anyone about it.

 
Gottman, a famous marriage therapist identifies four things to be the main cause of couples disconnection, isolation, and being distant from each other; and criticism was the first in the list.

 
Think about the level of communication in your marriage; if it is not good enough, then you must try and work on it.

 

happy, happiness, marriage,happymarriagebuilder(3) They understand that happy relationships takes work:

 
A perfect marriage isn’t all that sunshine and rosy all the time. It takes proper work to make a relationship worthwhile. Happy couples understand that sometimes, they could be annoyed, disappoint and frustrate with each other.

 
No one is above mistakes and remember that your partner is just a human being. It is left for you to get past those things, and communicate honestly with your spouse, that is the only way you can get a fulfilling marriage.

 

 

The happy couples passed through these trial times; but they inspire each other and work themselves through those trial moments.

 
Just devote yourselves to nurturing your own marriage. It may take a little time, but it will surely pay off in the end.

 
(4) Supporting each other:-

 
Another happy couple’s habit that is worth emulating is their ability to support each other. They understand that come what may that their spouse is there for them.

 

 
They give supports to each other when they are pursuing their dreams and aspirations and as well believe in the ability of their partner.

 
At times when it looks as if you are a crossroad, they never leave each other to face the music alone, the other partner remains their behind the other sharing up and encouraging the other.

 
Nothing will give your spouse courage than realizing that you are fully at the back and sharing him or her up.

 
If you have not been supportive to your spouse, today is the day to start. I will do wonders to your marriage.

 
This differentiates them from the other couples who will desert the other when things get hard.
work together, love, happymarriagebuilder,marriage(5) They know each other pretty well:

 
The happy couple know each other very well that they would tell what each of them could be doing at a point in time even when they are not close with each other.

 
There is this couple I know that will be doing things simultaneously when they are not closer.

 
If the husband is somewhere eating big mac in MacDonald, they wife must be somewhere eating the same thing at the same time.

 
These couples have known each other that they know what each of them could be at a moment. Isn’t that wonderful? Won’t you want your marriage to work like that?

 
(6) They share realistic expectations
Relationship is very much different from what you see in a movie. It can only happen when to people have value for each other, and both of them are willing to make some sacrifices in other to make their marriage worthwhile.

 
They devote much time in their relationship, because they know that every day will not be for joy and romance.

 
(7) They understand that each relationship is unique:
Because the happy couples understand that each marriage is unique, they never try to compare their marriage with other people. Every partner has their personal habit, “love rule” as well as arguments.

 
If you will be smart enough to discover what makes you and your spouse unique, and then concentrate of doing it. That is when your marriage will stand firm.

 
(8) They love and respect each other:
Another unique happy couple’s habit that is worth copying is their ability to show great love and respect for each other.
In the Bible, it was recorded that even at the age of 80, Sarah still calls Abram my Lord. That is a pure sign of respect.

 
It is important you love and respect your spouse, so that your spouse will love you in return; because love and respect is reciprocal.

 

 

(9) They know each others love language:
The way your mum cheered up when you did anything, may not be the way your spouse will react when you do the same thing. We have different love and values.

 
Most time the things that makes each couple feel loved varies and if partners didn’t recognize them on time, it may be causing troubles.

 
If you are not sure of your partners love language, it may be better if you ask. You may not be vigilant enough when your partner was letting you know them,; now it is your work to find it out.

 
Just go ahead and ask about the things you did that have triggered love, he or she will be very eager to tell you.
Everyone wants to be treated with love.

 
(10) They reassure each other:
Everybody needs to be reassured from time to time. Give it always and never wait for the other to need before giving.

 

 

Always let him or her know how you feel about having him/her.
Let your other half feel safe and relaxed and secure in your relationship. Let ‘ I love you” be a poem in your mouth.

 
Nothing will make your spouse feel secure than hearing those words. So let it pop up every minute even without planning it.
It is one of the secrets of those happy couples you see.

 
happiness,happymarriagebuilder,happiness in marriage(11) They hug and kiss each other at least 30 seconds everyday:
Yes, I prescribe 30 seconds because I know it is enough to push out the cuddle hormone called oxytocin which is responsible for those feeling that is relevant for the success of your marriage.

 
So in the morning, before you go out give the 30 second hug, and when you come back again in the evening. Let it not be less than 30 seconds and not more than that.

 
When you continue it that way, you will find out that you can quickly get in the mood without planning it.

 
However, since this prescription works like magic, it will not be good if you stop doing it for some time. Your partner may feel that you don’t care anymore.

 
(12) They know how to deal with their conflicts:
The difference between the happy couples and the non-happy couple is the way they deal with their conflicts.

 
It inevitable to disagree in a relationship, but it is also good when you disagree skillfully.

 
One technique the happy couples adopts during their disagreement is the choice of word, they use more “plural pronouns”like (us, ours, we) instead of the “singular pronoun” like (me, I, and mine) and this to not to feel stressed after the whole argument.

 
It is essential not to shout, yell or use those hurtful words that cannot be easily taken back during those heated moments.
Remember, actions can easily be forgotten, but words are there forever. Never be obstinate, it may be just nice if you compromise in certain things. Remember you want to make your marriage work.

 
(13) They live with full integrity:
They trust each other so much and know their spouse will not take them for granted because of that. It is impertinent to live daily with fairness reliability and integrity.

 

 

(14) Happy couples have positive mentality regarding each other:
A research by a marriage researcher Gottman PhD. proved that happy couples marriage are usually characterized by some emotional traits like affection, respect, and empathy, and they are usually mindful of each others feeling.

 
They see their challenging moments as another opportunity to grow their marriage. And that each of them is responsible for their growth.

 
This is what makes them different for those guys who have separated or that are still in the process of separation.
Those divorced couple never has any positive remark or feelings as regards to their marriage.

 
(15) They are committed to their marriage:
For a marriage to thrive well, the two people involve has to be committed in making it so. The happy couples understood this very well, that is why they do everything to make their marriage stand out.

 
-They commit their time.
-They commit their money
– They commit their health also,just because it matters to them.
quality time,happy couples(16) They spend quality time with each other:
Spending quality time together is one of the habits of a happy couple that gives them an edge over every circumstance that will come in the future.

 

 
These are moments they devote to discussing thing that matters to their marriage. They take time to share their pains, their joy, their mistakes, and their weaknesses.

 
To build a bond in marriage takes time and effort, it starts from sharing quality time together. It is true we are very busy people that at times 24 hours becomes small for us to achieve all we want; still you it is possible to find some moments to connect with your partner.

 
Remember it does not matter the amount of time you spent with your spouse. What matters is the quality of time.

 
17 They never have secret: It is not proper to keep secret.

 

Remember it was easy for you while you were still single; now you are married; it is not a business as usually. Every secret kept will someday be known and your partner may not be happy to know you kept such a secret for a long time.

 
Keeping secrets will make you to lie and lie can destroy your marriage. So be open and have no secret.

 
Conclusion: These are exactly some of the happy couple’s habits that make them different form the other couples. You cannot necessarily use all of it, but you can select the ones that can work well in your marriage and start today to apply it.

 
The results may not be seen immediately, but you will surely see changes in record times.

 

 

Bonus Read

7 Rules for a Happy marriage.

What makes a man happy in marriage.

Roles a husband in making his marriage happy.