Overlooking all the marriage killers that normally rears its head sometimes in marriage, as well as not taking proper steps to avoid it or overcome it is one thing most couples failed to do.
The reason why there is a steep increase in the statistics of divorce is no doubt because of couples unable to see those marriage killers coming.
Before anything could happen, there must be signs and warnings, however, if there is no proper plan in place to stop it, then the end result becomes fatal.
There are so many marriage killers, and most at times, they look so insignificant that you may not even give much thought to it, yet it is eating deep into your relationship with your spouse.
You hoped your marriage will be very smooth and romantic, but what you are seeing right now is completely opposite to the dreams you had initially.
It was not in your plan that you will ever quarrel with each other, yet you never stopped yelling and shouting. It is not your fault.
Here is why all those things are happening; you were so negligent to see those subtle marriage killers before it pounced on your marriage.
But don’t worry, by the time you are through with this article, you will see how easy it is to prevent these marriage killers from affecting your marriage negatively.
In this article, we are going to be looking at those highly overlooked marriage killers and how you can avoid it.
Now, let us dive in immediately 🙂
15 Highly Neglected Marriage Killers To Avoid.
The tussle for power:-
Marriage is not politics, it is a union of two good forgivers right, but how come sometimes there is a power tussle between you and your partners just as it is in politics.
The power struggle is a time in a marriage when every couple is more interested in being right and you are ready to prove the other wrong.
I remember what a friend told me the day I visited the house to settle a dispute between him and the wife; he called me out and told me that all they are doing is just to know-how will be the master.
He is trying to prove himself as the man of the house, and the wife is also proving to be the most qualified member of the house. But why should this happen in a marriage?
It is simple! It is very easy to blame your partner, then thinking of a better and proper way to make your underlying feelings known.
Couples who are stocked in the game of ‘why should this happen’ are more likely to struggle for power, because they are so much on the lookout about “whose fault it is”.
It was your fault that the children were not brought from school on time; it is your fault that we did not get that apartment; you don’t think about your family all you know is your work; all these you will hear from them.
You can blame your spouse for all the mistakes in the world, but you are simply turning the mistakes to be the fault of your partner.
Think of what will happen when your partners respond to all these negatively; it will result in argument and then fight.
Now tell me what will become the faith of your marriage at this time.
No trust for your words:
Words are important, but understanding the proper ways to use your words is more important. It can be very easy to forget actions than words that come out of your mouth.
I said this to let you know that if you let your words be too unusual that nobody will have confidence in them, then you have made the greatest mistakes.
One of the things that make a marriage happy is trust, and your spouse will trust you more if they can rely on you and your words.
Never give your spouse the reason to lose confidence in words.
It will begin when you say those things you are not sure of or promise those things you are capable of doing.
I fall victim of promising so many things that I didn’t do; not that I didn’t want to do it, but I did not do it, and this caused a crack in my marriage until I was able to rebuild the trust.
It is better not to promise anything at all and still go ahead and do it, that saying it and not doing it at all.
If you neglect this second point, then your marriage may be threatened so much and may become worse by the time you come back to your senses.
Expecting perfection from your spouse:-
You know you are not perfect and you should not seek perfection from your spouse too. When you start expecting more than your partner can be or give, you are not doing yourself any good because you will feel bad when they fail to do or come up to your standard.
Sometimes, we measure if our partner is an exact match for us, this usually brings dissatisfaction in marriage.
Remember that everybody is not created equal. The best step to take if you think your spouse is not what you expect is to help him or her grow and to offer yourself as a guiding angel during the process of growth.
Making sex casual and none existence:-
You may think you are doing your marriage/ relationship good by not having sex at all with your spouse or doing it just because you want to produce children. No, you are wrong about that.
Sex is important in making every marriage strong, it provides a way for partners to have fun with each other and also strengthen their relationship. But it is amazing how people especially couples neglect sex in their marriage.
Research shows that couples have sex about fifty-eight (58) times in a year, which is less than 2 times a week and also less than 15% of the couple have not had sex for the past 5 months.
Happy couples are happier because they have sex more often. Although there is more to marriage than having sex, sex is still very important to the growth of your marriage.
Now let me ask you this important question; when was the last time you had sex? If you find it hard to remember, then here is my advice to you; the more you let the time pass, the harder it may be to get it back as your body will stop producing the hormones that get you to arouse when you are with your partner.
Another thing in the list of the overlooked marriage killers is ignorance; many people have accepted the saying that whatever you don’t know will never kill you, that is not true. So many people have been ruined or destroyed by those things they are not aware of.
Take for instance you did not know when they gave the alarm of impending flood coming to your area, and when everyone is packing out you didn’t; when the flood comes you will not give excuses.
The same is our marriage. Most marriages are being wrecked by ignorance, by ignorance, I mean not being able to know the effects of those marriage killers on time.
Many people enter the marriage institution without knowing all they should know about it, some are not sure how love is been practiced or expressed.
Update yourself often
Some are not even sure of what makes a partner wrong or right, once they are satisfied emotionally, then all they believe they have a successful marriage.
Actually, it is easier to make a relationship work, but if you are not sure of the things that make it work, then you will not find it easy to cope.
Many people will give more attention to learn anything, but too little will be invested in learning how to move their relationship forward.
Marriage is not a game of chance. If you must study to pass your exams, then you must learn new ways to make your marriage strong.
Words are powerful; they have the power to mend, destroy, inspire and stop you from some actions. One of the recipes that contribute to marital issues without the knowledge of the partners in the unguarded words that come out of the mouth of the couples.
Of course, it is your mouth, and you can say whatever you wish to; but understand that your marriage may be heading to destruction because of those utterances.
Some words are not good to be used at all in marriage, so before any word will come out your mind, weigh it and know if it will hurt or build your marriage. It is obvious you will want the growth and not the death of your marriage.
Inability to express your feeling:
Another important silent marriage wrecker is not expressing your feelings or rather not doing it properly. Some people find it hard to express how they feel to their partner because they feel they may be criticized, misinterpreted or they are simply ashamed to let it out.
But understand that keeping quiet may be hurting your marriage so deep. You have to be candid about any issues, hurts, disappointments or problems in your marriage. Let your spouse know when you are sad and express joy when you are happy.
If you should learn how to express your feelings well, then there should be a reason for quarrels and divorce. The best reason you married your spouse in the first place is that you love and want to spend your entire life together with your children.
Expressing our feelings makes us think through, and also gives us the opportunities to move forward, but if you hold your feelings to yourself, then stress will come in, and the end result of stress is divorce.
Many couples believed the main issue is to find someone and get married to, that is why they relax once they get married. But believe me when I told you that getting married is important, but the ultimate achievement is making your marriage successful.
In other to get the most from your marriage, you must always invest your effort, time and energy into it.
Being complacent simply show that you very satisfied with the level of your marriage and you need no further sacrifices to make, but that will only keep your eyes off the potential defects or dangers.
Some times in the marriage, the couple starts taking each other for granted, stop trying to make their marriage work better, and start giving attention to other mundane things. All these will make a relationship to be a routine and then divorce comes in.
Marriage experts rated complacency as the silent marriage killers and this is true because before couples will realize the crack in the marriage due to complacency, then the damage is done.
Unfortunately, the couple does neglect this because they think their partner understands what they feel about them or that they know their partners better, but the fact is that it is very easy for someone to change especially when you have not taken time to nurture him or her.
Telling your friends about your marital problems:
Have you ever thought about how many details about your marriage you should keep to yourself and those to share with your friends?
It’s amazing how many marriages have gone down the drain because we share what is meant to be kept with our partner to other people outside in the name of getting advice from them.
It is very true your marriage is not working as it should, your hubby is emotionally not available, your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, so many things about your marriage don’t give you space to concentrate and you must tell someone to ease your mind.
You want to tell your friends and relatives because you don’t want to experience that omen called divorce.
Hear this! The type of advice you may get can quicken the divorce step which is not your aim of sharing. Why should you tell them? When everyone is busy solving his/her own problems.
It will be best to look for a way to settle the issues with your spouse directly. Sharing with your friends can only make the matters worse.
Gadgets are good, but do you believe that gadgets can ruin your marriage and destroy your emotions too? If you really want to make your marriage work very well, then you must limit the use of gadgets like smartphones, laptops, and television, etc. because it can really take you out of this physical world just like any other addiction will do.
I didn’t say you should not make use of them or that you should not make calls or check your mail, but you must know how and when it is proper to do that.
So many homes are destroyed because gadgets have taken up the little time couples have to spend together when they come back from work, think about the distance it will bring among you and your spouse.
Don’t Destroy Your Home
I was a victim of this; because of my so much use of a laptop, my marriage started taking a new shape. Sooner than I knew, my partner got herself addicted to her smartphone that she hardly hears me whenever she is chatting or checking up new updates on social media.
Thank God I realized it on time and then set boundaries. If you are getting farther apart from your spouse because of not putting your gadgets down, then you must slow it down.
The assumption is one of those things that can destroy any marriage in a flash if not taken care of.
This is how it starts; when your partner says something, you quickly interpret it in your own understanding and then say it back to your partner, and still hold your partner responsible for your own translation. I call it to mind reading because you read whatever another person has in mind.
The harmful thing about this mind reading is that you will guess what your partner’s feelings or thoughts are and wrongly interpret it, and then go ahead and act without letting your partner know.
Secondly, you assume your partner is seeing someone outside because you call him or her for lunch and maybe he didn’t answer on time, he always came back home very late and that is because he is dating another woman.
It may not be true
What if your assumptions are not true? Don’t you think if there is good communication between the two of you, there wouldn’t be anything like that?
If you are feeling anything in your mind, or you want your spouse to understand anything, the best way to go about it is to ask politely instead of going into action.
A comparison of any type in marriage is bad and can destroy any marriage no matter how strong the marriage is. There should be no reason for you to compare your marriage, your home as well as your spouse with anything outside. This is because nothing in this world is created equal.
Many people are fond of desiring to be what they are not simply because they see other people doing the same.
Nobody is like her
You see a beautiful girl passing by and you compare her with your spouse, you see a tall handsome man and you wish this is the guy you are married to; but you made the choice yourself in the beginning.
Another aspect of this is you want to travel for summer because your neighbor did that; you did not ask if you are capable of becoming who you are planning to be.
Did you imagine what stress it will bring to your marriage? I am not saying it is bad to think big, but there should be a limit to that else you will destroy your marriage by yourself.
The type of friends you associate with will either kill or build your marriage. One quote describes it well that “If you tell me your friends, I will tell you who you are.
Many people change their character or life because they associated or still moving with someone of good or bad character. If your friends are the type that can give good advice, then you are on your way to a better marriage. But what if they are the type that will tell you ‘if it is me I will not accept that” don’t you know what will be looming in your marriage right now?
Choose a friend that will help your marriage than destroy it, unless you prefer the later.
Trying to change your partner:
It is wrong to enter into a relationship or marriage with the hope of changing your spouse in the future. Research says if your partner did not change before the wedding, he/she will not change after.
Wanting to change your partner will only make you too pushy, and no one wants to be pushed. Just purse for a moment and imagine your previous actions; did you try to control or change your spouse? If that is what you did, I implore you to slow down because it will destroy your marriage.
I didn’t mean you cannot give worthwhile advice and corrections to your spouse, but you should think of a better way to do that so you don’t hurt your spouse’s feelings.
As I round up with this article, here are the things you must give more attention to that will help you overcome those marriage killers.
Never try to change your spouse as it will only bring chaos between the two of you, choose the type of friends you associate with, forget the power struggle and stop comparing your spouse, your home or yourself with anything outside. If you can avoid all these, then you will save your marriage from destruction