Is it really possible for couples to have a good husband and wife relationship.
How can you describe the relationship you have with your spouse; good, better, worse, nothing to write home about?
That question is left for you to answer. Let me ask you again; are you having a good husband and wife relationship in your marriage?
It has already been said that is a communion of life and whatever true love seeks is found in marriage; so you have no reason not to enjoy your marriage, or even have a good husband and wife relationship.
Marriage entails a life that is devoid of worries, sickness, joy and good health.
It also involves dealing with the external and internal challenges, being young and getting old, copping with the small and big troubles of life, and also dealing with the social and individual questions.
As all these things go on, couples have so many days, weeks, months and years to share together as they pass through these.
It is also amazing how things move in marriage; sometimes big things become little, while small things become very big problem or result into a big quarrel and sometimes it become so big that it will almost tear a marriage apart.
Love is known to provide acceptance to the other person no matter how he or she is.
Love provides a home for all, but marriage provides a resting place for couples.
Artificial and strained manners are not expected in a home.
In the bible, Peter said.“If a husband does not relate with his wife properly, their prayers will be hindered”.
Failure to live appropriately or have a good husband and wife relationship can impact your relationship with God.
This is one reason you must pay close attention to the type of husband and wife relationship that exists between you and your spouse.
In this article, I have provided you with 101 ways you can have a good and quality husband and wife relationship.
I have classified it into three sections; Attitude, character and habit for easy reading.
Let’s dive in.
101 ways to have a good husband and wife relationship.
Husband and wife relationship about Attitude.
1) Pray together as a family:-
Prayer is the master key but it amazes me how people neglect prayers.
The bible says “the family that prays together stays together”. There is so much you can do with prayer.
Set out time to pray together always, fast together and encourage each other.
Learn to hold your hands as you pray for each other. When you are not close with each other, pray for yourselves and it will amaze you what results you will get.
2Trust one another:-
Trust is very important in every relationship especially in marriage. Every successful and happy marriage is built on trust. If you truly want a fulfilled marriage and a good relationship with your spouse, you must know. how to develop trust.
Most couple think that just being sexually faithful is trust, but it is more than that,
Below are the different types of trust to look for in your marriage.
The type of trust that will give each of you the first place in your life.
The type of trust that gives your partner confidence to believe you whenever you make a vow to honor, love, and cherish each other.
Never give much attention to any other thing at the expense of your marriage or take each other for granted.
Make your marriage and your partner your number one priority.
Trust that you will stay sexually faithful to each other. Marriage can never work when there is a sexual infidelity among couples. Of course partners can recover from that with the help of an expert, but it is best if they remain committed to being sexually faithful to their spouse.
Trust that you will never forsake your spouse during conflicts, anger,disagreements and sickness.
Quarrels, disagreement and anger are inevitable in every marriage. It is good when they happen without causing a fear of rejection or abandonment. You can achieve that by not using threat of divorce to your partner.
Trust that you will love each other with nothing attached to it. Be confident of your love for each other and that nothing will come between you; not even money, friends or family members.
Trust you will not reject or dominate one another:- The best place love can thrive well is where there is an atmosphere of security and safety.
Never hurt one another physically or verbally and also do not reject your partner or create that type of fear that undermines trust.When you become domineering to your spouse. It will bring mistrust, and insecurity becomes obvious.
3 Take your partner for who he or she is:-
4 Learn from one another:-
It is better when you see your partner as a mirror and that you can learn how to become better through him or her reflections.
Never blame or point fingers at your partner when you are upset, instead remain awake and find something to heal yourself from anger.
5Focus on giving more love:-
Happiness in marriage is not just about feeling good when other person love us, it is more about how you can love yourself as well as loving someone deeply that we will also be loved deeply.
6 Never expect too much from your spouse:–
It is improper to expect so much from your spouse, because he/she is only human and cannot do more than he /she is capable of.
However, expecting too much from your spouse means mounting pressure on his/her life, as well stress on your own life.
When you are looking up to your partner to be perfect all the time, it will make you vulnerable to feel bad when you notice he/she is not living up to your expectation. So keep everything simple, and life will continue to move on.
7) Share quality times together:-
Having sex with your spouse is one of the ways you can share quality time together. However, sharing quality time together is more than having sex.
You can decide to just be alone together and share your experiences, your interests. Tell the stories of how you fell in love with each other, laugh together and remind yourselves about your likes and dislikes.
All these engenders good husband and wife relationship.
8 Improve your communication:-
Communication is very vital in every relationship. Any marriage that lacks communication is heading to a great fall.
Improve on your communication now and see how strong your marriage will become.
You can learn some proper communication skills that will help your marriage.
9) Make decisions together:-
There is bound to be harmony in a marriage if decisions are not made by only one partner.
Everyone must know that his/her opinion is welcomed in a relationship.
10) Never be too emotional:-
Never allow yourself to be physically or mentally abusive to your partner. Never mistreat him or her. Remember you are planning to have a good husband and wife relationship.
11) Understand those things that bring fight and avoid it:–
First step to becoming a good husband or wife is to know those things that usually cause trouble between you and your partner and avoid bringing them into your marriage.
If it is the way you argue about anything, then stop it and learn how to keep quiet when argument arises.
12) Be individually committed to making your marriage work:-
To make your marriage happy, you must be committed in doing those things that will cause it to happen.
Therefore your individual commitments and sacrifices are steps you will not fail to bring to see your marriage become successful.
13) Have a good husband and wife relationship in bed:–
I have seen some marriages broken down because of sexual infidelity; most of the reasons giving as the cause are the inability of the couples to satisfy each others sexually.
Now when you hear about having a good husband and wife relationship in bed, is not just about sex but about being a soul mate to the other partner.
14) Be your spouse soul mate:-
Be a soul mate to your spouse. Every partner is expected to be deeply attached to each other. Care for him or her, believe in your spouse and live for each other.
Let your spouse have a feeling of natural and deep affinity with you.
15) Respect each other:-
Respect is reciprocal they said. Learn to respect your spouse; that is when you can demand the same respect from him or her too.
16) Let go of your baggage:-
It is obvious that every couple carry some special baggage into the marriage.
It is good you drop all those baggage now if you really want to have a good husband and wife relationship. Let them go so you can fully concentrate on how to make your marriage move forward.
17) Let go of the past issues:-
Never bring up the past issues into your marriage, especially when you have settled it. Some of us are used to making references to the issues behind.
Remembering the past things you have gone through will not allow you to move forward in your marriage.
18) Admit when you are wrong and say sorry:-
There must be quarrels and disagreements in marriage, but partners who want to have a good marriage should know how to admit their faults and say sorry when they are wrong.
19) Physical relationships must exist between you and your spouse:-
Always be there for your partner sexually. Never hold back sex because you don’t need it at that moment.
Hold hands, kiss each other, say I love you often, and cuddle each other. Those are the things that help you to be emotionally intimate with your spouse.
20) Be conscious about the topics of your discussion:–
Do not discuss anything about your marriage that your partner may not want to talk about at that moment, unless there is a better reason for that. It may bring quarrels and arguments.
21) Give your partner time to be alone when he or she demands that:-
There are times when your partner will demand to be alone in other to read, think and prepare for the next thing ahead.
If he or she demands such a time from you, never hesitate to give it. It is important if you want a speedy growth to your marriage.
22 Do things together:-
Always do the things that bring the two of you closer to each other, like taking a bath, eating, watching movie, reading and laughing together.
23) Be sincere to each other:-
Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Do not tell lies to your partner. Many marriages have broken down because the lies told in the beginning have been let out of the box.
Everyone knows the truth now and things are not the way it used to be. Telling the truth will always help you move your marriage forward.
24) Always appreciate your spouse:-
It does not matter how your partner is: ugly, handsome or beautiful, appreciate him or her. Appreciate any gift he or she gives to you; whether small or big. Overcoming every problem in marriage begins with a thankful heart.
25) Share a common interest:-
One thing that is interesting in every happy couple is their ability to create a common interest when it is not present. Try everything you can to create common interest that two of you will share together.
This will make you become more interesting to your partner and prevent you from becoming so dependent on him or her.
26 ) Never keep track on the wrongs:-
Nobody is perfect. Everyone can make mistakes, this is why you should not always look at the thing your partner did wrong; concentrate only on the ones he or she did right.
Remember, if you seek to find you will see. It all depends on you. Happily married couples made up their mind not to look at that.
27) Be proud to be seen together:-
A good husband and wife are always pleased to be seen together and most often in the most affectionate contact.
They want to be seen shoulder to shoulder, hand to hand. They don’t want to show up, but can’t help displaying how much they love each other.
This is exactly what differentiates a happy husband and wife from the unhappy ones.
28)Understand your partner’s do’s and don’t:-
Everyone has likes and dislikes. Try and understand what your partner enjoys and what she hates. Knowing what makes your spouse feel loved will bring a quality husband and wife’s relationship to your marriage.
29) Never invite outsiders when you are having challenges:-
Everyone has one problem or the other to take care of. This is why you should not invite any outsider to help you solve your marriage problems, they may make things worse.
Solve your problem with your wife and never sleep with it in your mind.
30) Never compare your spouse to other person:-
Most couples are fond of comparing their spouse with another woman or man outside there. Remember you saw all others before you made your choice.
Let your spouse be the first thing that happens to you, let her thoughts occupied the greater part of your mind.
101 Steps to A Good Husband & wife relationship
31) Never sleep with your problems:-
Be fast in settling your differences; do not go to bed without coming up with a solution.
32) Understand what makes your partner feel loved:-
“Different strokes for different folks”. The choices of life are different. Discover what stimulates your spouse, understand the things that make him or her feel more loved and concentrate on doing that; it will make your marriage stronger.
33) Never speak of your partner’s weakness to others:–
No one is perfect in this life; your spouse may be among the imperfect one’s, but no matter what his or her weaknesses are, never discuss it with another person outside the two of you. It may result to something else in the future.
34 ) Never disobey your partner:-
35) Never speak badly about your spouse in front of your children:-
It is important you give your spouse the respect he or she deserves all the time even in the presences of your children. No matter what your spouse did, you should not speak badly about your partner in the presence of your children.
Speaking badly about your spouse will cause the children to have negative view of your relationship which will at last make you feel guilty.
Always think well about what you say to your spouse especially when you are sad.
36) Never try to change your spouse:-
I have seen so many partners who always want to tell each other the things to do and things not to do. They have an endless list of rules in their marriage. But why would all these be.
If you really love someone to take him or her as your spouse, then you must accept to take him or her as he or she is.
I am not saying it is bad to show good path to your partner, but you should never try to change him or her.
Try all you can to give your partner some space and remove him or her from the rule book.
37) Avoid blaming your spouse for anything:–
It is also easy for us to see faults in our spouse than we see in our self. Any time I think about the blame that exists in marriage, I always remember the type of negative impacts it brings along.
If you are the type of person that enjoys blaming your spouse, I think it is time to purse for a moment and ask yourself the reason why you are blaming him/ her and always have this in mind that the blaming game will only hurt your marriage instead of healing it.
38) Share responsibilities together:-
To have a good relationship with your spouse, it is good you share the family responsibilities together.
Share the financial responsibility, the house chore the way it will be acceptable to all.
Survey shows that the couples that share the family responsibilities together are likely to stay united for a long period of time.
39 Take a walk together:-
Walk down the road with your spouse holding each others hand. Walking is not only good for marriage; it also gives you an opportunity to exercise your body.
You can plan to walk down to get some groceries from the super market or to go to the nearby cinema. Just take a walk together.
40 Go on vacation together:-
All works and no play makes jack a dull boy. This is why a good husband and wife schedule to go on a vacation, just to have the whole day, weeks or month to themselves.
It is important and will help them to learn and understand each other well.
41:- It is important to be open minded:
Be open minded; this is very important. If you feel bad because of your spouse’s action, feel free to say It immediately and forget if he or she say sorry. It is better than having it in mind. Never keep it to yourself because you are afraid to hurt your spouse.
42 Be yourself:–
It is amazing how people want to change and become someone else, because they want to impress the other. How long would you feign who you are not? What if the other partner finds out; what will become of you and your relationship.
A good husband and wife understand this pretty well.
43 sacrifice for each other:-
One of the ways couples could make their marriage become stronger is to make some sacrifices for each other. So many marriages crumbled because partners did not want to sacrifice for their union.
What are the things you can sacrifice today just to see that your marriage moves forward? I know that it cannot be that easy when you want to play the sacrificial lifestyle, but the benefit is enormous and that is why you should give it a try.
44) Connect with each other even when you are not with each other:-
When you are out for work that does not mean you can’t be connected to your spouse. Send love text messages to him or her saying how much you missed him/her. Tell him or her you can’t wait to have him or her by your side.
45 Go to bed at the same time:-
46) Make time for your spouse:-
Try to make time for your spouse no matter how busy you are. If a fish will find it hard to live when it is brought out of water,; so will a marriage die when you don’t give your time and attention to it.
Here are few tips on how to do that : )
(a) Prepare a date night at home.
(b) Read a love note to your spouse
(c) Plan some special routines
(d) Play games.
47 Learn to compromise:-
It is always our heart desire to have our way in all things, but that is not what marriage is all about, even if you are married to you twin, you can always expect to be different in some opinions.
Those unique ideas, tendencies and opinions that is possessed by our spouse is what gives us an opportunity to view the world in different ways.
This is the reason you must expect to have some differences from your spouse.
Having constant negotiation with your partner will never allow your marriage to move forward, that it the reason why you must concede in some areas and be happy instead of fighting.
Remember that to compromise does not mean you are weak, it is just the evidence that you want a good husband and wife relationship.
48 )Always listen well before you talk:-
A good partner pays attention to whatever his spouse wants to say. None should interrupt the other until he/ she finishes what he or she wants to say.
If you do not like what your spouse is saying, just keep calm and look for the best time to make corrections.
Be a good listener and help your marriage grow. By paying attention, your spouse will know that you are interests in the conversation. Never let anything be a distraction to you.
49) Help each other grow:-
One of the most interesting things about happily married couples is their ability to help each other grow.
It hurts when you realize that your partner is not committed to your personal interest. This is the reason you must support your spouse when he is exploring a new thing.
Be there when he or she is trying to lose weight. Encourage him/her.
50Never bear any grudge against your partner:–
Steve Maraboli said
“When you hold a grudge, you want someone else sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two really meet”.
Whenever your spouse offends you, find a place in your heart to forgive and forget immediately. Never bear any grudge against him or her, learn to let go.
51) Never try to emulate other couples:-
52) Never take everything personal:-
Taking things personal will do much harm than good to you. It will make you feel offended all the time. Never let the life of others dictate your joy or happiness.
53Be there always for your spouse:-
A good husband and wife are always there when he/ she is needed. Do not be a fair weather partner that will only show up when times are good. A good spouse knows they can count on each other.
54) Never focus on each others wrong:-
Try all you can to maintain the most sincere love that comes from deep down your heart for your partner. Do not keep track of the wrongs.
Love doesn’t focus on flaws; it always looks for the best.
55 Give without expecting anything in return:-
A good spouse knows when and how to give without expecting to have anything in return. They believe the affirmation that it is better to give than to receive.
Whenever you want to give to your spouse, do it because you can and not because you expect something in return. Some men give gifts to their wives only when they need sex.
56) Never expect your spouse to be perfect:-
Dave Meurer said “A great marriage is not when the perfect couples comes together, It is when an imperfect couples learn to enjoy their differences”. Give each other room to make mistakes and grow up. Remember that no one is perfect.
57) Never fake your feelings:-
Work on being the real person and never plan on being the loving person. Show your joy when you are happy and let everyone know when you are not happy, But never shout when you want people to understand you.
58 ) Never expect your marriage to be easy:–
Even the happiest couples pass through challenging times. They only work on their marriage and move on with themselves.
Never believe your marriage will be that easy.
Do not think your spouse is responsible for all the troubles that you experience. See challenging times as your opportunity to learn and move forward in life.
59Let your spouse know how much you are worth:-
Never exaggerate about your income. Let your spouse know everything about you. That will bring more trust.
60 Change your thinking:-
Most of the problems experienced in marriage could be easy to fix if couples should learn to change their thinking about their partner. Instead of focusing on how your partner hurts you, remind yourself of the good things your spouse had done before.
61 Give surprise gifts to your spouse:-
Understand what your spouse love so much and give it to him or her as a surprise gift. It will make him or her feel good.
62 Be flexible:-Don’t be static especially when you make decisions, be flexible and let another person’s opinion count. Some people want to be a dictator instead of a companion.
63 Say I love you all the time:-
Let I love you be the anthem you sing all the time. Your spouse wants to be reassured of your love for him or her. Tell him or her how you are glad to be married together. When she is not around, send message to her telling her you can’t wait to have her by your side.
64 Say good morning when you wake up and good night when you want to sleep, even when you are not happy.
65 Learn to expand your heart:-
One of the things that unite us together is being happy with each other. This type of happiness includes our dreams to be close to the person in a more loving way.
To create real closeness with your spouse, make some spaces in your heart and create awareness to all the good things that is inside you.
66 Be pleasant always:-
The golden rule of the bible say in Mathew 17 verse 12“ In everything therefore treat people the same way you want them to treat you”It therefore means you must treat others the way you expect them to treat you.
Never be rude to your partner. Be kind, warm, understanding and positive.
67 Do not nag:-
No spouse will like a nagging partner. If you feel like getting a message across to your partner, do it without shouting. Many people think the only way to make your partner learn is to shout.
That will only destroy your marriage instead of building it up.
68 Get yourself ready:-
A good spouse honors his/her partner by keeping a very pleasant tone during conversation, a happy smile always on their faces, a clean and neat appearance. Take special care about how you look. Dress good and smell good too.
69 Kiss, hug and share pleasantries with each other:-
Learn how to cuddle, hug and kiss yourselves anytime and anywhere. It will make your marriage stronger and build emotional intimacy between the two of you.
70 Keep Smiling:-
Be cheerful always and ease off all your problems. Give a smile any time. Smile is a unique gift from God to man; animals don’t have this ability. It takes 20 muscles for a smile and 80 muscles to frown. So smile more often.
71 Keeping silence can help your marriage at times:-
Always be at your best behavior when leaving the house in the morning. If one of you is angry or provoked, silence may be the best answer. You may playfully tell your spouse that you can discuss the matter later when you come back.
72 Be selfless:-
Although this is not always visible in marriage; but most of the broken marriages happened because of selfishness of the partners.
A selfish person is only committed to him /herself, and never cares of anyone else.
101 Steps to A Good Husband and wife relationship
73) Start the day cool:-
Every morning, both of you should try and keep cool. No argumentative discussions or quarrel. That will empower you to achieve more.
74 Invest more time:-
No marriage or relationship will work well if couples do not invest enough time to make it work. Your relationship should be your most cherished treasure; it requires your time more than any other relationship.
75 Be humble:-
We all have our weaknesses and it is quickly revealed in our relationship more than anything else. Admit you are not perfect and that you can make mistakes.
Seeing yourself superior to your spouse will always bring resentments and will strongly hinder the growth of your marriage.
76 Do household shores together:-
Research says that the family that does things together stays together. You and your spouse should be able to yoke together. You may be sweeping the sitting room while she is cooking; It will bring a sense of equality among you.
77 Develop empathy:-
Always place yourself on the other person’s shoes. Understand how he or she is feeling at a point in time.
When you develop empathy, towards your partner, you will be more committed to doing the things that will bring joy.
78 Don’t expect your marriage to heal your wound:-
It is true that a happy marriage can bring joy; do not expect anybody to be the source of your joy. Only you can fill the hole.
If you leave your emotions in the hand of another person, emptiness and boredom will not cease from you, until you accept responsibility.
79 Never allow fear overshadow your love:-
You can never lose anything by loving, but you can lose so much if you withhold love. Never think your marriage is not going to work until you give all you know to make it work.
No relationship can survive without trust. Never believe in your fear from others, believe in the good faith of the others.
80 Do not seek validation from others:-
You don’t wait for another person to give you permission to become who you are. You don’t need validation from anyone to live a good life or to be happy. It is your duty to create the state of mind and introduce to your marriage.
81 Get on the same money page:–
They understand how to make good use of their income. They have family purse from where they expense from for anything that matters in their relationship. When you were single, you spend money the way you want; but when you are married everything has to change; now it will take two of you to tango.
82 Be positive always:-
Being positive will greatly enhance your marriage. It will make your marriage stronger and will bring an increase in your marital satisfaction.
One way to do this is by showing appreciation toward your spouse’s success or accomplishments. Celebrate every success.
Another way you can be positive is to believe that every challenge you are facing in your marriage is working for your good.
83 Make yourselves a chain breaker:-
Every partner came from a different background. Though some may come from a healthier back ground than the other; but whichever way you came, understand that it is ultimately your responsibilities to break the chain and make the future right.
84 Have time to talk about your marriage:-
Communication is very important in every marriage but having a special time when you talk exclusively for and about your marriage is more important too.
85 Never stop caring for your spouse because of your children:-
Many people shift their attention to their children, forgetting the person that brought them into the world.
It is true that that attention should be given to the children also, but remember, your spouse was there before they came.
86 Have patience:-
Though it may take the two of you different times to grow,being patient with each other will make it happen fast.
87 Make your budgets together:-
This is one of the ways to talk about your dreams and plans for the future and what you need to do to make it come to fulfillment.
88 Make only promises you will fulfill:-
Sometimes in our marriage we make promises and never fulfill them. If you really want to have a good husband and wise relationship, then you must promise only what you know you will fulfill. This is one of the secrets of a happy marriage.
89 Renew your marriage vows always:-
Hold your spouse’s hands once in a while and recite that wedding vows again looking each other in the eyes.
Remind yourselves of the first time you fell in love with each other, share the stories and laugh when you need to. It will create a bond between you.
90 Don’t come home late:-
Many couples love to go home late; they prefer hanging out with their friends instead of going back to their spouse. It is better to get home early and stay with your spouse.
91 Make time for your goals and ambitions:-
It is very easy to concentrate on just your own personal ambition and think that your spouse share in them.
If you are not sure what you’re your partners life goals are, inquire from them. It is better to make time for each others ambition.
92 Remember your history:-
Marriage is a relationship that exists among to different people; always have in mind the things that brought to together in the first place. You will be amazed when you remember those old stories about your coming together.
93 Visit a good marriage therapist when there is need for that:-
A time may come in your marriage when you need to employ the work of a good marriage counselor to help you with some advises.
94 Keep your cost low:-
Learn how to keep your cost low, make the ratio 5:1; that means five positive feelings or experiences to one negative feeling or experiences.
That doesn’t mean you approach your marriage or relationship with calculator, however it is better to do a regular check on your marriage to check the costs or the benefits.
95 Nurture your marriage every time:-
No matter how much love you and your spouse shares together, it is important you nurture your marriage. Put all your effort into learning and implementing the things that will engender it’s growth
Read books play CDs, and go to seminars.
96 Understand that money is not all:-
There are things that can never be bought with money; joy is one of them. That is why you should not believe that your spouse is happy because you are giving her a large pay check.
Sometime staying close to him or her is much better than the money. Give her the money, but show more love.
97 Do not be a narcissist:–
A narcissist believes that no one could be better than he/she is. You can never do anything to impress him. But a good husband and wife value each other as well as value each others opinion too.
98 Don’t rush into marriage:-
Being sure of whom you want to get married to is one of the first things you should do in the first place if you want to have a strong and successful marriage.
Some couples have made the mistakes of rushing into marriage without courtship. When they get into the marriage and discover the type of spouse they are married to, it becomes so hard to know what to do next.
99) Never let your addictions get in the way:–
Many people believed that addiction is one of the things that cannot be forgotten especially if the addiction did not exist or was not known in the beginning of the relationship.
If you realize that your addiction is hurting your marriage, stop it. Though it may not be easy, but you must give it up because you are interested in making your marriage work.
100) The good in the marriage outweighs the bad:
A good husband and wife values their relationship so much that the never want to do anything that will cause pains to the other partner. It is not as if they don’t have flaws, however, weaknesses good are so little that you can hardly notice it.
101 They visit a marriage counselor when there is need for that:
It is obvious that disagreement is inevitable in any relationship; the happy couples understand that pretty well.
Whenever they realize that things are going the way that is not pleasing to then, they always chose to go to someone that knows better than they are to inquire.
There are so many things you can never handle alone. Marriage counselors are well trained to assist couples solve certain problems that are big for them to handle alone.
So try and enlist the services of a counselor when there is need for that.
Everyone’s dream is to experience a good husband and wife relationship in their marriage, and I am sure you want that too.
However, merely desiring a thing can never get the thing done, you have to take the steps and gradually get it done.
All the 101 steps to a good husband and wife relationship I have listed in this article will help even a dead marriage to come back to life again. I implore that you take them I at a time. Just have in mind that it may take some time before the result will be noticed, but I am sure it will work for you.