This is a question only you can answer. It took me time to understand that 50:50 is not a good score when it comes to making a marriage work properly.
There was a time in my marriage when I thought everything was going to be over between my wife and I. We loved each other so much, but we still have lots of differences.
It doesn’t mean I wasn’t trying all I could to make everything work out good, but one thing was clear and that is the fact that I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.
But we love each other
We were so much in love with each other, we share time together, we share the domestic chore, we have special romantic dates, we do many other things we know that can make a marriage successful, yet we quarrel and fight more often.
Then I asked myself this question “what are we not doing right”?
Is this your story?
Just like I, I know you have asked questions like these. After doing all you could do to make your marriage happy, and yet everything seems to be crushing down.
Don’t worry; )
In this post, I am going to share with you one thing you have not tried before; and that is the same thing that changed the statues of my marriage.
The secret I want to let you in that will help make your marriage successful in a short time. t is to try to offer 100% self and not 50% to save your marriage.
Let me explain
You and I knows too well that one of the best ways to receive anything in life is to give, and what you give also determines exactly what you’ll receive in the end.
Simply put, when you give love, you are sure to receive love, when you give life,you’ll receive life also.
The most important of all is that the amount you give also determines how much you will receive too.
The Bible made this clear in Mathew 7:2 (Parallel Version) ”For the same way you judge others you will be judged and the measure you use, it will be measured to you”
All though relationships should not base on what you give is what you get, but if you really want to get the best from your marriage, you should first of all consider giving your best, even when your partner is not giving half of it.
Dr Phils quote on this
“Relationships are not 50/50 (but 100:100. This is because you are responsible for what you bring to your (relationship) what you elicit from your partner, what you maintain or allow with your partner. You need to look at you”
Obviously, it may be easy for you to consider the 50:50 games, but always remember that when you stop at the middle, your partner will definitely meet you there.
However, mind you that the center (50:50) is where keeping scores and giving conditions are located.
It’s a place where you think relationship is a transaction, where you give half and expect half back.
But, a good relationship is all about giving everything freely without expecting getting the same amount in return.
Giving 100% self means choosing the way of complete commitment to your marriage and your mate, not regarding how good or bad your relationship is.
It also means getting up from your bed in the morning and the first thing that comes to your mind is ‘what one thing can I do today to make my marriage stronger than it was yesterday,even when your partner is not doing the same?”
Ephesians 5:25 says
Husband love your wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
In this chapter of the Bible, we men were commanded to give all (100%) to our wives and also to die daily for her.
Until I realized this, I was still struggling to keep a balance in my marriage.
If you are really interested in saving your marriage as I did, then here are 5 things you must consider doing starting now.
- Give more of your Time: Trust me; I know too well that you have your business to attend to, your job, the house chores and so many other things that are yawning for your time, but you must make out time for your marriage and your spouse.
One major reason why there are so many break ups in our society today is because couples rarely have time to share together.
You see! Most couples find it hard to give each other enough time each day, each week and month.
It is actually not lack of time that brings separation, but just that without spending time together, it is impossible to meet those needs that are responsible for marriage growth.
There is a personal attention needed to sustain love in a marriage that only comes through spending time together.
Here is some importance of spending time together
- It will make your relationship stronger
- You can understand what has been on your spouse’s mind all the while.
- You feel happier because you are with the love of your life.
- You have time to discuss on the way forward.
Having all these benefits in mind, I think you should try to make time available.
Paying attention to our spouse means love. One of the ways you can show some one you love him/her is by paying attention.
It simply shows them that you value, care and love them.
When you give attention to your spouse, you are simply saying to him/her ”I value you” and you matter to me more than anything and you also worth listening to.
Giving attention also means giving up your whole time and our time is our life.
When you consider how you fell in love in the first place, you’ll realize that it all started from paying attention to someone and the other person paying attention to you too.
Remember those days, when you will call him/her time and time again, because you want to know how she is doing, you will buy flowers, talk for hours, write love notes and spend hours together.
Then ask yourself if those things are still in place in your relationship now. If they are not, then try to get them back.
3 Communicate Effectively:- You can never talk about successful marriage/relationship without talking about effective communication. Simply put, Communication is vital to marriage, just as blood is to human beings
Now, it is not just mere communication, but to do it effectively, the way it will empower your marriage/relationship.
There are couples who find it difficult to have chit a chat for just 1 minute; the minute the settle down to talk, you see them raising up their voices.
The reason is that they have not discovered or learnt how to communicate effectively.
Probably, every one of them wants to talk without listening to the other.
If you fit my description, then all hope is not lost, what you should do is learn the skills in communication, it will help you in your marriage.
From this article, you should be able to see the three important ways make your marriage successful.
Just put them to practice and see what will become of your marriage from this moment
This is still your friend Murphyaik
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