A Better Way to Keep Score and Keep Your Marriage Happy

I know. That’s contrary to what gurus have been spouting since
the day Adam met Eve. So, before you decide I’m some sort of
nut, let me add that I am no-way-Jose advocating the all too
popular tit-for-tat “two rights make a wrong” justification of
your bad behavior by that of your partner. Nope. That is not a
good idea, not if you want a great relationship.

Having said that, it’s time to ‘fess up. We all keep score. Even
the most destined-for-sainthood soul to ever grace planet Earth,
can’t help but notice if their sweetheart “wins” more often than
not, has stepped on their toes one too many times, or has been
wonderful more often than not.

That’s because we assess a thing’s value and make decisions by
quantifying. To determine if the car you’re considering is worth
the price, which house to buy, whether to get a dog, move to
another state, or stay in a relationship, you weigh the pros and
cons. You calculate the pluses and minuses.

In your relationship, points are being awarded and deducted all
day long. Your sweetie brings you coffee in bed, plus five.
Morning coffee follows a night of wild sex, 30-point bonus. You
have a day of nonstop meetings and your sweetheart has lunch
delivered to your office, 20 points. Lunch includes your
favorite cheesecake, 10-point bonus. Your partner borrows your
car and returns it with an empty tank, minus ten. Stopping for
gas makes you late for a meeting, 20 point penalty. Your sweetie
leaves a wet towel on the bed, minus five. It was on your side,
20-point penalty. It’s the fourth time this week, 50-point
penalty.

It’s this kind of “scorekeeping” we can’t help but do. True, we
don’t give or deduct actual points, but we give greater
emotional weight to what most affects us. If it were otherwise,
the gift of a sports car would have the same “point value” as a
paperback; infidelity would have the same “point penalty” as
being late for dinner.

Every lost point results in a wound to the relationship. Acts of
love, kindness and support mitigate the damage. It’s the balance
of pluses to minuses that determines the health of our
relationship. Given that, shouldn’t it be your goal to earn as
many and lose as few points as possible? It’s easy if you start
every day by asking yourself how you can make your sweetheart’s
day better. Take a moment to clean the cat box even though her
cat doesn’t give you the time of day. Sew that button on his
shirt even though he knows where the needle and thread are kept
as well as you do. Offer to run an errand, have her car washed,
prepare his favorite meal. And never miss an opportunity to go
for the gold. She doesn’t get her Ph.D. every day. He doesn’t
land a big promotion every day. Make those occasions special.

Stop pretending you don’t keep score. Instead, keep score in a
way that reminds you of the big and little ways in which you
love each other. Do it with Frequent Foreplay Miles, a system
for creating and sustaining what I call Total Intimacy. With
Frequent Foreplay Miles any couple-straight or gay, married or
not-can learn how to nix the tit-for-tat and instead build a
rock-solid relationship.

About the Author: Shela Dean is Relationship Happiness Coach,
speaker, and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles – Your Ticket to
Total Intimacy. Her book and advice have helped many couples in
their journey towards improving intimacy and strengthening
marital bonds.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Aik

AIK UCHEGBU is a writer and an authority in anything that matters about marriage and how to build it successfully. His followers has been greatly enhanced by his findings. You will not be disappointed for coming to this site.

3 thoughts to “A Better Way to Keep Score and Keep Your Marriage Happy”

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