How Being Married and Feeling Single Can Harm your Happy Marriage

happy marriage, divorce,couples,happiness in marriageIts may come as a surprise that many people in a marriage still feel single even after several years. Such a feeling is generally not a good one as it works against what a marriage is all about. Recognizing that you still feel single in a marriage is really the first step towards addressing the issue. However, many couples feel that divorce is the only solution when this situation occurs.
What is Feeling Single?
Basically, you are taking actions, making decisions and doing the things based on your own self interest rather than looking at it from a couple’s point of view. To put it simply, you think of “I” instead of “We”. While couples are comprised of two individuals who have their own set of goals, the difference between those who think as a couple as opposed to being single is based on putting your own self interest above your marriage.
For example, when you are offered the chance to play poker with the guys, do you quickly say “Yes” and then wonder how you can get this past your spouse or do you make your decision based on what’s in the best interest of you and your partner?
Many happy marriages have both the husband and wife pursuing their own interests, but all decisions are tempered by making them from the point of view of the couple, not the individual.
How Can Feeling Single Harm your Marriage?
There are many ways that feeling single can harm your marriage. This is because such behavior does not happen suddenly, but over time when the passion of being together at first becomes replaced with simply living with each other. Unless a marriage is stoked on occasion the fire will soon die out and leave you with nothing.
Thinking Only for Yourself: This is the most obvious sign of feeling single in a marriage and one that can wreck your relationship. Basically, you make decisions that do not take into consideration your partner. But more than that, you look at your spouse as someone that you have to deal with, not as someone with whom you make decisions together.
Lack of Communication: Being single means keeping a lot of things to yourself. The thought process is that they only affect you and that they are none of your spouse’s business. A happy marriage means communicating about what is affecting you with your spouse because it affects the both of you.
No More Couple Time: Good relationships are built on spending time together away from the kids and responsibilities of your lives, even for only a few moments. Since you are thinking for yourself, such time is not spent in working on your relationship, but rather in what else you would like to be doing.
Recognizing the signs of thinking for yourself is the starting point of working out issues with your spouse. Such actions can start quite small, a text message here or a gift there to let them know how your really feel about them and if you work on it then the attraction that brought you together will start up again.

How to Locate a Good Marriage Therapist

happy marriage therapist, happy marriage, husband and wifeFinding a good happy marriage counselor or therapist can be the choice which saves your marriage. However, finding one that does not meet your needs can drive you further apart from your spouse, so it is important to find one that has the interest of your marriage at heart.
What is a Good happy Marriage Therapist?
A good marriage counselor is one who combines their education with experience in marital therapy. They should have the right credentials and have the proper license or certification that is required by your local government or authority which can be different depending on where you live.
However, even well qualified and experienced marriage counselors may not be the best ones to fit your needs. This means that you will need to schedule an initial interview session where you can talk with and get an idea of how this marriage counselor will work for your issues.
How Can We Find a Good happy Marriage Therapist?
The process of finding the right happy marriage therapist will require a little work and some research. A good way to start is having your friends or family recommend a marriage counselor that has worked for them.

While this can feel embarrassing and perhaps bring up issues that you wouldn’t normally discuss, if you are aware of someone who has used a marriage counselor before, then getting their recommendation offers a starting place. As mentioned, you will need to find someone fully qualified, experienced and educated.
Find Someone Local:

You will need to select a good happy marriage counselor that is close and convenient for you to visit. This is because you will need to see them over a number of sessions and missing them because the distance ruins the effect of their work.

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Once you have narrowed down the choices, at this point you can start setting up the initial interview session. This is where you meet and talk briefly with the happy marriage counselor who will tell you about themselves and what they hope to accomplish.
Ask Questions:

While it may seem a bit rude to ask questions, remember that you are trying to find the person who can best help your marriage so you will need to ask the right questions to get the best idea of what they are trying to accomplish. Your questions may include the following;
What is your role in helping us through this issue?
Have you worked with a couple of our age, situation or background before?
From what we’ve told you about our situation, what would be your next step?
Basically, you are trying to ferret out whether the marriage counselor has any bias beyond their interest in seeing you two get through this particular situation. Well trained couple counselors will not side with one person over the other.
You should interview at least three or more marriage counselors if possible before making your choice. Plus, recognize that even after you made your choice, the situation may change if the counselor is showing bias or is not valuing your opinions equally.

But overall, finding a good happy marriage counselor can save your marriage which leads to a happier future.

Things to Do if You are Not Happy in your Marriage

happy marriage, un happy in yourmarriageAt some point, most married couples will go through a period where one or both are not happy with the marriage. The signs may be subtle or quite strong, but in any event recognizing that you are not happy happy in your marriage is a good and first step towards solving this problem.
Unfortunately, many divorces could be avoided if a person who is unhappy in the marriage chose a course of action that will led to overcoming their unhappiness rather than just getting out of the marriage.

It’s understandable that feelings of unhappiness can drive someone to want to make such a change, but the truth is that most marriages actually grow stronger if they can find a way to deal with their feelings rather than leave.
Five Things to do when You are Not Happy with your Marriage
Here are five steps you can take which will help you overcome your unhappiness and stay in the marriage. Each of these steps will take a bit of courage on your part, but the result is certainly well worth the effort.

Identify the Problem:

What exactly is it that is making your marriage unhappy? You cannot communicate to your spouse unless you have a very strong idea of what it is. Take some time for self examination to reveal just what is causing your feelings.
Communicate Your Feelings from Your Point of View:

When you are unhappy in a marriage, your spouse should know about it. In fact, most spouses do know that something is wrong, but perhaps they didn’t want to verbalize it.

By communicating how you feel, it puts both of you on the same page. However, what you say should be from your point of view and not accusatory or inflaming such as, “I get angry when you do X.” when it should be, “I feel sad when I see you do X.” That tone allows your partner to engage and respond, not be pushed away.
While you cannot force your partner to change, you can focus on what could be done to help rectify the situation. I can start as small as “I’m going to hug you before I leave for work each day.” Such small gestures can really add up over time to bring more happiness to the marriage.
Cut Down on Distractions:

It is during these stressful times that we tend to get distracted because we are tired of feeling this way. While such thoughts are understandable, they pull away from working on the problem itself. Instead, you should be placing your relationship first and ditching the things that are pulling you away.
Get Professional Help:

A marriage therapist or couple counselor can provide a path towards pulling the marriage back together. A professional brings an outside viewpoint and can show you ways of communicating better with your spouse. This can bring the both of you closer together so that your can be happy in the marriage again.
Being unhappy in a marriage is a sure sign of something being wrong. The more quickly you recognize the problem and take action, the better and happier you’ll be in the long run.

Advice on marriage (simple mistakes you must not make, if you want to have a happy marriage and successful marriage).

I learn t from a friend that the best advice on marriage could be gotten from a divorced and this is absolutely true. The people that are separated are so conscious of the things the things they did right and what they did not do right, they are more careful now, because they will not make the same mistake again in another relationship.
In my experiences as a marriage counselor, I was able to learn these things I want to share with you now, so I implore you to pay close attention to these if you are really after getting your marriage strong and happy.

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These are the mistakes you may not want to make in your marriage
(1). Don’t neglect love-: Fall in love again and again. Love is the only guarantee in marriage. The Bible said that love covers a multitude of sins. When you love your spouse, you will not want to hurt him or her. As marriage matures, it is likely that things will start changing too. But it is your responsibility to fall in love over and over again with your spouse.
(2)Do not blame your spouse all the time:- Most marriages have challenges because there are too much blames. When you are frustrates or annoyed, learn to control your emotions. Don’t go ahead blaming your spouse for everything. The best thing to do when you feel like you will shout, go down on your kneels.
(3).Be there when you are most needed:- Learn to be around when your spouse needs you most. You should not run away when you noticed that he/she is down in the spirit, It is your work to share up your spouse.
(4). Do not neglect praying together:- The Bible said that the family that prays together stays together. To have a perfect and happy marriage, you must learn to pray together as family. Always hold your hands together and pray for one another.
(5). Do not neglect your marriage:- Put your mind in your marriage. Many marriages crumble because the couple’s mind are not in their marriage, their predominant thought is on work , money and other things that they forget about how to make their marriage stronger. Make sure that your spouse is getting your best all the time.
All these advices will help you improve your marriage, if you will sincerely work with it.

What you will do before you see a happy marriage councelor.

Do you really need a marriage counselor to make your marriage stand again? This is one of the frequent questions I get from my followers. My answer to them is always yes. If you have visited any website on relationship or marriage, the first thing they will advice you to do if your marriage is undergoing any challenge, is to see a counselor. But is it the first thing you should do?
Seeing a marriage counselor will cause a lot of changes to your marriage if you get yourself ready before going to see him. You really need a positive influence to get a positive result from your visit to a counselor or things will remain the way it was or even worse before you went.
These are the things you will try doing. Make up your mind that seeing a councilor will make a change. Then think about the things that could be the reason why your marriage is in that state in first place. Is it your fault? Is it your spouses fault? And then think about those things you where doing when your marriage was sweet and happy. Those moments of joy and happiness that you once had happened because of the things you where doing then, may be you stopped doing it all of a sudden.
You get your marriage back again by doing those thing that you are not doing and then if things did not still work out very fast, then you could go and see a marriage counselor.