￼The longer a relationship goes, the more everything becomes a routine, the relationship starts getting cold and everyone starts craving for those early days “butterflies-in-the-tummy”.
Am talking about those exciting feelings we used to have at the early days of our relationship.
Understand that It’s not the end of the world when you start seeing such in your relationship.
it is a common thing to see couples taking each other for granted.
They give more attention to their works and other things,and not their marriage.
But, the good news is that you can work together as husband and wife to spice up your marriage and I will show you how in this post.
It is the responsibility of the husband and wife to make their marriage successful.
All hands must be on deck and, that means it’s not a one man show thing.
There’s no dispute to the fact that one person can turn around the statues of a marriage, but I also know that it will be easier when husband and wife work together to make it happen.
This post is just to show you how you can spice up your marriage as husband and wife.
How to spice up your marriage as husband and wife.
￼Step In 1) Create intimate moments the cannot easily be forgotten:- To better understand what it means to create intimate moments in your relationship, you’ve got to firstly understand what intimacy means.
What is intimacy? Intimacy can be described as the act of being very close to someone as well as feeling strongly and emotionally connected to him or her.
Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of money, sex and kids described it as the “act of making your partner feel understood and accepted”.
What she’s letting us know is that in a marriage where intimacy exits, there’s a significant amount of closeness, ecstasy, feeling alive and happiness between the couples.
Intimacy is important to every marriage, and so any marriage that lacks physical or emotional intimacy will most unlikely not succeed.
However, knowing and understanding your partner is the backbone of your relationship, and to know him/her better, you have to create moments of intimacy that can’t easily be forgotten in your relationship.
– Encouraging Each Other Always:-Learn to support and encourage your spouse in everything.
To put simply, be his or her cheerleader. Be attentive and sincerely take an interest in all the things he/she likes to do.
Show respect for your husband, and maximize every chance you get to always compliment him, both in private as well as in private places.
And to your wife, build her up in presence of others and also make her feel overwhelmingly important by giving her honest credit for the success of your family.
Let your better half truly know that you appreciate him or her with all your heart. The more our partners feel valued by us, the more they want to do more to make our relationship succeed.
– Laugh Together:- Laughter is an easy access to intimacy. It can as well be described as outright “vacation in a marriage” and the easiest way to keep things alive when there’s chaos in your relationship.
Crying and laughing gives you and opportunities to learn and trust each other especially when you are sharing feelings to each other.
When you learn how to laugh over everything, then you will also survive everything. Do not be too serious about everything. Whenever, there’s reason to be angry, learn to stop yourself, and instead deploy your love language called laughing, it will take care of everything.
– Learn to be More emotionally vulnerable When Having sex
Express your innermost fantasies, desires, and wishes with each other, and consider engaging in individual therapy when you feel intimacy is lacking in your relationship.
– Hold each others hands more often:- Dr. Kory Floyd, says that “holding hands , hugging, and touching can release oxytocin causing a calming sensation”.
Recent studies also tells us that holding hands also quickens the release sexual orgasm during sex.
Interestingly, physical affection also helps to minimize stress hormones, therefore lowering the effects of cortisol which is stress hormone released daily by our body system.
– Share Your Feelings:- The number one barrier to the growth of any relationship is the inability to have discussions.
It’s imperative for husband and wife to share their feelings to each other instead of bearing it in their minds.
Always know that no one is perfect, and your spouse doesn’t know everything; and so you have to share with your partner about how you feel as well as what you struggle with in life Life.
Going to bed with unresolved issues is not healthy to any relationship and can obviously make a heart to grow colder.
Create time each week for just you and your partner to go on a date and talk about how to make things work better in your relationship.
Investing time in your relationship makes things easier for you and your partner.
Step 2) Keep Track Of The Rights And Not The Wrongs:–
There are couple who only sees the wrong things their partner does. It doesn’t matter how many things the partner does right, one wrong by the same partner nullifies it.
If what I said above describes you, then you have to change your perspective and try focusing on the right things about your partner only no matter how small or big and also try appreciating him/ her always.
In the Bible, Paul, in the letter he wrote to Corinthians (Corinthians 13:5), he advised us against keep record of wrongs.
It can hurt relationship like nothing else will, so you need to reevaluate your focus now.
Here are few suggestions on how to focus more on the positive sides of your partner.
– Stop Bearing Grudges: Fact is that no one is above mistakes, even you and so if you expect to be forgiven when you make mistakes, then you should also learn to forgive too.
It is not the best to say you have forgiven, and still your list of wrongs keeps getting longer.
Here’s what you should start doing now to help you stop it; get a blank paper and write down both the wrongs and the rights of your partner and then try concentrating more on the good attributes instead of the wrongs.
– Appreciations often: If you take a close look at your partner, you will see so many reasons to appreciate him/ her. Try and list them down one after the other, and then go through it first thing every day; such practices will help you learn how to see the best and not the opposite about your partner.
– Strive to always Always be positive in your own mind: According to Gottman, “it takes about 5 positive thoughts to overturn the effect of one negative thoughts.
If that’s the case, then why not change your thinking pattern to give positive impacts to your relationship.
Step 3) Date, date and date again: To most couples, dating stopped immediately after wedding. But it’s not supposed to be so.
To spice up your marriage as husband and wife, continuous dating is imminent
Here is the deal; whether you have been married 10 days, weeks, months or years, romantic date is something regularly observe.
If you are reading this post now, I hope you are not planning to ignore this advice like many other couples do.
Frankly, a lot has been said about couple having regular dates, but believe me when I told you that recent survey still recorded that as low as fourth five percent of couples still don’t go on.dates and only seventeen percent manage to observe it.
To me, that’s a very low number, and I asked myself why? Maybe marriage and dating contradicts each other or people think it cost much to go on.date. But to me date night is overwhelmingly cheaper than filing for divorce or even seeing a marriage therapist and it’s a whole lot of fun too for you and your part. So take it from me that romantic date is important.
Here are few check list of importance of date nights.
1) it create avenue for romance.
2) It create fun moments.
3) You have time to communicate.
4) Opportunities to take a break from stress.
5) Improves commitments.
All these are the reason why you should make dating a priority in you relationship and also understand that you don’t have to break a bank to have a good romantic date.
Let me give you some ideas.
Here are they
1)’Plan a romantic dinner at home:- Romantic dates must not be done outside the house, you can have it at home too.
Plan it in such a way that a beautiful romantic atmosphere will be felt as you and your spouse is enjoying your dinner together.
2) “Make a new recipe together”.
3) Go to a beach together.
4) Go to a library:- Look for books that you have never read before, take a close look at the ones that captured your attention, then then plan on starting your own book club together.
5) Go music concert:- Search for nearby local venues that organizing music concert for the up-and-coming musicians. Their must be a big price slash, but the important thing is that you’ll have a nice time there with your spouse.
Step 4) Always try Surprising one another:- Another way tot spice up your marriage is too always show kindness to you partner, especially when he/she is not expecting it. According to John Guttman, Bradford Wilfox and Jeffrey Deo’s research; the trio found out that kindness as the most important recipe for boosting the marriage.
W Bradford Wilcox said that ” “Generosity” – including small acts of kindness and.displays of respect and affection was positively associated with material satisfaction”.
Surprises is an act of kindness and no matter how big or small you try to surprise your partner, it shows that you care for them.
Surprising your partner can lead to greater intimacy and make him/ her feel contented with your marriage. It can also act as a catalyst that brings an unusual change to the statue of your relationship.
The great affect of surprising your partner is that while you feel good for surprising him/her, your spouse also feels loved and cherished too.
If you’re not sure how to surprise your spouse, then I have listed some steps to guide you.
Here are they
– Write romantic notes and drop:- Although this sounds boring, but it will surely add colors to your partners feelings. Just find a good romantic writing materials and drop some romantic notes for them and then drop it anywhere you are sure they will see it. Examples- his wallet, her hand bag, his pocket or wherever you know they’ll see it; and then watch what the reactions will be.
– Plan lunch break surprises:– Go to their office at break time, and take them out for lunch.
Do what they like doing even if you don’t like doing it too:- If you know what your spouse’s hobby is, then you can join them to do it, even if it’s not your kind of entertainment.
– Book a nice hotel room for the two of you only.
– Get them a thicker to wherever you know they will love to go.
– Plan a surprise birthday party.
– Get a favorite gift for them.
– Do the chores they usually do
-‘Prepare a delicious breakfast and serve them while still on bad.
Step:5) Get Busy Looking Good All the Time:-‘I really know that it is extremely stressful out there, but you really have to take good care of yourself, make yourself look good every time.
Why Did I Say So?
To answer that, let’s look at the past years when you Let your spouse, or rather, when.you were still dating, something actually drew your attention to him/her -‘ it could be your politeness, your intelligence or it can obviously be all about your look.
However, things are changing now – you are not getting younger, grey hair are gradually taking over your once dark beautiful hairs and you are probably going out of your normal weight; those are the facts of life and you can’t do anything about what genetics have given you, but you can make efforts to look good as you did those early years, never make the mistake of believing that it doesn’t mater anymore, because it does matter.
Examples, I have heard from my readers time without number complaining that their husbands doesn’t romance or pursue her like before, but just the same way women want to be pursued, men also feel not pursued when the partner stops make efforts to look good like when they were not married yet.
This really shows that the efforts of both you and your husband can never be over emphasized in spicing up your relationship.
So change your wardrobe if need be, Bush your teeth often, wear nice make ups. Just look the best you can for your spouse. It all counts for the success of your relationship.
What’s that thing you did that helped to spice things up in your marriage? You can share it with us in the comment box, it can impact to many other relationship.
I am still your friend Murphyaik.
See you at the top.
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