7 Highly neglected things that make your Marriage deteriorate fast.

       marriage killer, marriage deterioration, divorce, Is your marriage deteriorating faster and you don’t understand why?

 

You are sure you are doing your best to make your marriage better and yet things are still going opposite of what you expected it to be.

You are not alone. So many couples are as confused as you are.

 

There are so many things that couples neglect and yet they constitute the biggest issues that affect the once a happy relationship they use to have.

 

The irony is that “if you don’t know where rain started beating you, then you won’t also know where it stops”.

 

In this post, I want to help you i identify those insignificant but yet a great relationship killer that can harm your marriage in a flash, if you don’t tackle it on time.

 

                           

 

                                     7 Highly neglected things that can make a marriage deteriorate fast.

 

1) Telling lies: – For instance, when you are going out in the morning, you told your partner you were going straight to the office, but rather you are going to see a movie with friends somewhere else that’s not even close to office.

Have you considered about how your partner will feel when he/she finds out?

You may actually go free with that by telling another lies to cover up.

But let me tell you that you are making a great withdrawal from your emotional bank account of trust.

 

Continuous lying brings suspension and uncertainties that vehemently overwhelms the mind of your spouse.

 

At a time, anything you utter from your mouth will sound like a lie to your partner and it eventually create a distance between you two.

 

2) Comparisons: – If you find yourself saying things like – I wish we have a marriage that’s just like Mr. A, oh! My husband/ wife never dress like Mr. B, then you are into the comparison game and it can draw life out of your marriage.

 

If your marriage or your partner is different from the other couples/ or marriages, it doesn’t mean it is bad, it simply means your marriage or partner is unique.

The uniqueness simply shows that every marriage or persons can never be the same no matter what.

 

Most times when we find ourselves comparing each other, it signifies that you are only selecting certain qualities to focus on, but do you know that the other person you are comparing your spouse with has his/her own unique package?

Your partner may not be the outgoing type like your other neighbor, and your neighbor may not be a good communicator as your partner.

So always remember you married your partner with his/her unique qualities and stop comparing.

 

3) Invalidation: – If you don’t know what invalidation means, then let me tell you, so you know if you are an invalidator.

 

What is validation: – This is when someone’s feelings, thought are judged, rejected or ignored.

 

If you are the type that derives joy by pulling down the character, feelings and thoughts of your significant other, then you are an invalidator.

 

The fact is that there is no marriage without invalidation, and it is one of the greatest relationship destroyers.

It sometimes looks like remark and sometimes involves argument where a partner may just be ignoring or neglecting the others actions, just to show him/her that their feelings are not that important at all.

 

4) Misinterpretation: – While there are so many reasons why marriage fails, negative interpretation contributes greatly to it.

Negative interpretation is when one spouse keeps assuming something different from the partner’s actions.

 

Take for instance you call your partners phone number and maybe it rang for a long time without picking, immediately your mind tells you he/she is doing something wrong, that’s why he is avoiding the calls.

 

Negative interpretation can be very bad especially when a partner consistently assumes that the partners motives are very much opposite than what they really are and has the capacity to make even the smallest disagreements between couples become a hard nut to crack.

In other words a little fight becomes bigger than they are when you become a self-made mind reader.

Mind reading brings hopelessness and despair in relationships and after few threats, the accused partner become de motivated and then seeks to leave the marriage.

I know you wouldn’t like that happen in yours.

 

5) Cheating emotionally: – If you find yourself investing more energy, time, sharing your hopes and dreams with someone that’s not your partner, you may be guilty of this: and it can be detrimental to the success of your relationship.

 

The fact is that it usually starts like and child’s play,  and so many people believes is not that harmful,  but marriage Experts sees it as cheating also though without physical sex.

Their views is that if it persists for a long time, it usually leads to a full blown affair  and the consequences of that is that your partner feels deceived and betrayed and then he/ she may decide to leave the relationship if the habit persists.

 

6) Disrespect: – Respect is an important key in every loving relationship.

Likewise disrespect however is a termite that destroys any relationship.

Respecting your partner means you are placing a big value to your partner, and you also show a big honour by treating him/ her as a priceless jewelry.

 

Disrespect creates holes that look tiny at first, which becomes wide, open as day goes by.

Everyone deserves respect and when you give one, you also receives one, so start giving it now.

 

7) Complacency:- This is another subtle marriage killer.

This is a time in a relationship where coupes believe they have arrived in their relationship that they stopped caring, and nurturing each other as well as their marriage.

 

Everyone focus more on what brings joy and satisfaction to himself without caring about the partner.

 

When this continues, one partner may start feeling forgotten and not receiving enough attention.

You and I know too well that un-fulfillment of your partner greatest emotional need is a blank check to marriage failures.

The only thing that can save your marriage from crash landing is to start nurturing your relationship again, that’s when you will see things becoming normal again with time.

Rounding Up:- Ignorance kills, I have taken my time to divulge 7 highly neglected thing that can deteriorate fast to you. It is now up to you to make sure your marriage stays afloat.

 

 

I am still your friend murphyaik.

See you at the top

 

 

Remember to share this post if you find it interesting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brand new romantic gestures that will make your wife feel loved

romantic husband, be romantic,romantic gestures How romantic are you?

That’s a question only you can answer.

 

Can you believe that a friend of my lost his wife simply because he was not romantic. I don’t want you to experience that in your relationship, that’s why I am sharing these 5 brand new ways romantic gestures that will showcase you as a supper romantic man.

 

Marriage doesn’t work by mere wishes, you really have to nurture it on a daily bases to make it work.

Firstly you must learn to be romantic and trust me it’s not that easy to be truly romantic; It takes creativity and great care to truly achieve that.

 

Our daily activities has chipped romance out of our marriage and left us with a very dry relationship.

Romance were so easy before wedding. You could spend the whole day on phone talking to your love, you could be at the beach talking and laughing for the next 24 hours without noticing the people around you; now the attention is divided; the children are there, the job is also there and the house chores also.

Question is! How do we become romantic?

 

In this post I will show you 5 brand new romantic attitudes that will boast your marriage fast

 

5 Romantic gestures that will make your wife feel loved.

 

1) Learn to touch her often: – Touching your spouse often has a way of reassuring him or her of your love.

Of course we know that sex is also important, recent interviews I had with couples shows that they record high degree of joy and happiness after sex.

But, the most recent research shows that no marriage became very successful just because of good sexual experiences,

 

Romantic touch was found to be the most recent marriage booster.

I also realized that from the way my darling wife feels after touching her over and over again anytime we pass each other at home.

 

One of my clients also says this “If I pass my wife 50 times at home, I will also touch her 50 times.

 

Touching someone you love helps to communicate your desire and also show her that you acknowledge her presence.

 

My advice to you is to try that and see what impact it will have on your marriage too.

 

2) Be ready to offer assistance:- You have heard so much about helping your wife do the house chore, and you are keen in doing all that.

 

But you can also help her in other things like dressing up; help her hook her brassieres, wear her shoes and dresses.

Those gestures will definitely pass your massage across.

 

3) Do a radio/ TV request in between any program she enjoy: – There are programs in radio/ television where you will have opportunities to call and shout out to your loved ones.

 

All you’ll need to do is to find when the radio stations are doing their shout out programs and then place a shout out request in between your wives most cherished program, then let her know how much you love her.

 

4) Give gift; – Get gifts for her. Women love gift and more especially if it’s a surprised package.

It doesn’t have to be an expensive thing; women don’t care much about what gifts you give to them, especially when you give with open mind.

 

However, you can get something nice and expensive if you have the resources.

 

5) Create just 15 minutes every evening for “unplugged moment”:– This is 15 minutes of no phone calls, no checking email and no gadget at all.

It is just for you and your wife to enjoy each other. Make love if you want, but remember to make it 15 minutes to be remembered by her.

In Conclusion

 

These are brand new ways you can use to make your wife feel loved. You may not know how much it will work for you until you try those points I listed here.

So go ahead and try them out.

 

 

 

 

 

How to genuinely attract that perfect man and make him fall head over heels in love with you.

How to attract any man. how to make a man love youIf you are tired of waiting for that man, if you are sick of being single and you are not sure if you will ever get married the next 5 years, then I have good news for you.

 

This post is all about holding you by hand and showing you how you can genuinely attract that perfect man and also make him fall head over heels in love with you.

 

At the end of it all, you’ll discover the secrets that will make you get into any man’s head and initiate that marriage proposals you’ve been dreaming of.

Imagine becoming irresistible to any man =))
If this is exactly what you want to achieve, then let’s get down to business.

The fact is that =))

All your dreams to meet and get married to the man of your dreams has landed you into so many troubles.

You have fallen to the hands of cheaters, playboys, and you have been through so much disappointments and heart breaks.

However, after reading this post, you will know that the power to get married is all in your hand.

You will be able to tell when a man is ready to settle down and how to make him want to, even if it’s not in his plan.

 

Before we get down to our business of the day, let’s learn a little about men.

Who are they? What are the things that make them the men they are called? And how would you know if a man is thinking about settling down?

 

All these are important, because until a man is really ready to marry, he can never ask you to marry him no matter what you do to lure him.

You can never succeed in getting any man commit to you if you are ignorant of his makeups. Know the things that motivates and drive him and how he loved you.

forget about your plans to change him when you get into the relationship. It absolutely will not work, consider that the greatest mistake you’ll make in life.

What I want to let you understand here is that there are three important things that is of great importance to any man, and that determines if he will ready to settle down:

They are

1) Who he actually is.
2) What he does.
3) And how much they earn.

All these will occupy every man’s mind and give him no room for any thoughts about settling down, and unless those three things are settled in his mind.

Of course he may not have the whole things down, but immediately he finds out that his dreams are taking shape, and that he is capable of taking care of his family, then that’s when he starts thinking about you.

Now you know what drives a man, and certainly you can win any man of your choice. Isn’t it?

Here is how. = ))

 

make any man fall in love with you, make any man want to marry you– Be completely irresistible to any man:– This is a trick many girls have not tried before, but frankly speaking, if you know how to make a man beg for it, then you’ve got to have any man at your fingertips.

 

I said this because I know that being irresistible will

a) Make him want to travel from a far place just to see you again.
b) Will make him wanna call you every minute.
c) Will make him beg you to go and meet his parents and above all
d) Get to his kneel to beg you to marry him.

 

It doesn’t matter how you look or how you are dressed, you need to be the woman you are right from the inside.

Do you really want to be wanted by every men?
Here is what to do
Be confident of yourself:– Helen Rowland said in his quote that ” The woman who appeals to a mans vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination that gets him”.

 

Confidence is one of the qualities men don’t joke with when they find it in women.

A confident woman never seeks approval to do anything she wants.

They love to be themselves and know what they worth and are also confidence that she can get whatever they want in life.

If these qualities I mentioned are not in you, then you have to work on your low esteem to increase it.

– Be original :- Quote “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it”.
Bruce Lee

Be who you are always and do not pretend to be who you are not created to be.

 

If you are the type of girl that believes you have to look like Princes Diana, or you prefer dressing in a particular way just to draw men’s attention to yourself, then you are not doing yourself any good.

Men likes it when you are proud of you are, I don’t mean being arrogant, but you are proud of your look.

Learn to express and respect yourself, because no man will respect you if you don’t have respect for yourself.

– Always be a mystery:- It‘s always tempting to divulge everything about you to that man, after all he is your would be husband. But wait ! Do you know that men respects you more when they take time to understand you and what you are made of?

And so to create a spark into that man’s curiosity about who you are, don’t tell everything about you, allow him to do the findings all by himself.

make every man fall in love with you– Be available and easy to be with:- It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, if you don’t make yourself available and easy to be with, men will run away from you.

 

All men wants an easy and pleasant life and so sometimes playing hard to get works, but frankly speaking men don’t like drama queen.

 

2 Be mature Emotionally:- Quote ” The Criteria of Emotional Maturity: The ability to deal constructively with reality The capacity to adapt to change A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness The capacity to sublimate, to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets The capacity to love”.

William C. Menninger.

 

If you are the type of the woman that lies to have her way in everything, you shout almost at every and you don’t mind crying until you are not mature emotionally.

Truly you are matured in age, but to be matured emotionally comes with experience.

Emotional maturity implies that you have the capacity to manage and control the intensity of your emotions.

You know yourself so well that even when your man says or does things that triggers despair in you, then you are still calm, however, that doesn’t mean you’ll swallow everything, both the ones you like and don’t like you like, but you always look for the better ways to settle everything.

 

If you understand the process of managing your emotions well, every man that comes your way will definitely see you as an amazing girl to be with..

3 Set a standard and have a requirements:– If you are in marriage market and you don’t know what you want, then you are setting yourself as a playground for men.

 

You should build a fence for yourself by getting your standards up, that not every dick and harry can have his ways with you and get away with it.

 

Let them know that you are not as cheap as other girls.

You should always have in your consciousness that whenever any man succeeds in tricking you, then it was you that gave him the opportunity to do that.

 

Men hangs around women for just these two reasons.

a) To get married to you
b) To use you and dump you.
If he succeeds or fail, that depends on you.

 

The good thing about this is that we men are very simple people, if you tell us what what to do, we will not fail to do it especially if its to our benefits..

Men pursues a girl to know if she is cheap, and when they find you cheap, they just treat you like the other cheap girl.

 

However, if you let them know what qualities you are made of, then they will decided if they will stick around or take to their heels..

 

be every man's dream4 Take good care of yourself:- learn how to look your best at all times. Every man hopes to get marriage any time, however not to every type of women.

 

They want to marry a girl who knows how to take good care of herself. Remember the way you look is how you’ll be addressed.

 

So look good all the time, dress properly and make that man desire to marry you.

 

If it’s your desire to get married to the man of your choice, then you have to stand up to your feet and do the necessary things and then wait for them to come running to you.

 

I have taken my time to write on those steps you should take in this post.
It may not be all easy, but doing what is needful will help you achieved whatever you want.

 

Remember, if you continue doing things the same ways, you will continue getting the same results.

 

Read this post carefully and take actions where necessary and always be expectant of good results.

 

I am still your friend ikenna Uchegbu ( murphyaik)

See yo at the Top

How to successfully Create your Soulmate from your current spouse

happy marriage, soul mateAll marriages are not created equal, while some pass through a tough hurdle and remain strong, most others dies off when there’s a little challenge .

 

The difference between the two marriages is just the ability to take a little step further in building a stronger relationship with your partner.

 

In this post, I will show you how to build a tight bond in your marriage and how you can successfully create your soul mate with your current spouse.

So many couples have longed to get to this level in their marriage and never did.

 

But in this post you will see how to get there.

 

Who or what is a soul mate?

 

The Wikipedia describes a soul mate as a person with whom someone has a deep or natural affinity, which may involve similarly, love, connection, intimacy, sexuality, trust as well as compatibility.

 

I love how the American writer Richard Bach described it.

He said that  “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”

 

He is simply letting us know that having a soul mate as your better half is far more interesting that having a life partner.

Here is why he said this:

 

A soul mate will come into your life to enrich it greatly, encourage you to be the best you can, and do whatever is needful to take you to the highest stages of life.

 

That’s the type of spouse you want isn’t it.

 

Granted you can create a soul mate out of your partner by doing the things I will share in this post.

Here they are : ))

How to successfully create your soul with your current spouse.

 

It begins with Increasing the emotional intimacy of your relationship:-

Wikipedia describes emotional intimacy ” Emotional intimacy is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another, much like physical intimacy . … Affect, emotion and feeling may refer to different phenomena.

 

To me, Emotional intimacy means a level of closeness that exists between two people that they feel secured and and completely home with each other.

 

This level of closeness don’t just happen, it develops gradually till it stands.

 

And it requires a continuous learning about each other daily and doing whatever is needed to make each other happy.

It’s important in all marriages, in fact no couple can do without it, if they want to stay happy and remain married for a longer time.

 

Nothing kills a marriage than emotional distance.

So if you feel there’s no closeness again, you need to do something now.

Question is: =))

How do you increase this emotional intimacy in your own relationship.

Here’s How : – ))

– Spend more time together:- One of the ways you can prevent your marriage from failing is to spend more time together.

It is not about the duration of time spent that matters, but the quality of time spent.

In one of my posts 15 minutes a day just to improve your relationship,

I shared how you can achieve a lot by spending just 15 minute with your spouse.

Research show that most marriages fails because couples lacks connection.

It is only through spending time together that husband and wife has time to discuss about the ways forward to their family.

If you have not been spending time together, then it’s time to start is.Refer to my book for more guidance.

 

Recognize your time apart also: In as much as you should spend time together, it’s also important to spend time apart from each other.

 

You will agree with me that too much time together sometime makes you feel a kind of suffocated that you’ll find yourself craving for just a little moment to find air again.

 

Times apart gives every partner the time to pursue his/ her personal interests, maintain the individual identify, gives you opportunity to miss each other once more and more space to pursue and achieve your goals.

 

Although we all have different needs when it comes to the amount of time we desire to spend as couples or apart from each other, but there’s need to learn and respect your different needs and so it is imperative to come together and talk about how to create a balance that will suit the both of you.

soul mate

Maximize Your Similarities,and Appreciate Your Differences:- Another important way of to energize your relationship is to learn to know that you and your partner comes from different parents, states and sometimes different ethnic group, and so there must be other differences.

 

Understanding both the difference and similarities is what will add color to the way you live together.

 

When you were still dating, everything were exciting and new.

At those times, there was no problem when it comes to going another mile to accommodate your spouses mistakes.

 

Sometimes you overlooked so many things too.

 

However, after a long time those feelings starts to wear off.

Your eyes are more open now to see those flaws, those things that didn’t bother you initially are now your greatest headache.

 

But if you want to create a soul mate with your current partner, then I implore you stop now and see what the differences are as well as the similarities.

 

Take another look at the personalities of your better half and yours to know the differences.

 

May be he likes more salt and chilies in the soup and you don’t etc.

Understanding this will help you appreciate both the differences and similarities, as that will help you stop fighting over how difference you are.

I suggest you take a personality test to understand what you both are made of.

Keirsey sorter’s tool found on the internet can be of great help to do that.

The personality test will help you know how you love to exist in this world.

After that, then make a decision to get to a point where you can show respect to your individual differences and find out what works for both of you, and also accept the difference in the personality and cease from condemning your better half’s personality.

Learn to give and receive pleasure :-

Quote on pleasure by voltire

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures”.

Marriage works better when couples understands the act of giving and receiving pleasure.

Understand that it is not a one way thing.

Many couples believe its only the husbands right to give while the wife received love, but that’s not right.

 

When you look closely at any marriage that’s successful, you will discover that both couples take turn in giving and receiving pleasure.

 

Because when you receive pleasure , you are giving your partner the opportunity to give and vice versa, and that brings a balance to sex in marriage.

 

The misconception here is that people think the are yielding to the “culture of narcissism” when they surrender and embrace pleasure. But that’s a lie.

 

Sexual pleasure becomes more excited when we stop worrying about who gives and who received.

If you want to be the receiver, be ready to have the whole of it and don’t for any reason feel selfish.

 

So to increase the sexuality of your marriage, never be afraid to take up the role of the giver and also give it freely don’t withhold anything, while your partner receives with “abandon ”
However, always remember that it is better to give than to receive.

 

Having this in your consciousness always will make you want to give always. And if both of you becomes givers, then a full sexual pleasure will be reached easily.

 

I implore you and your partner to talk to yourselves about how to get the best of sexual pleasure.

 

Feel free to tell him/her your sexual hot spots. Don’t be ashamed to ask or tell about yours, and make sure he/she understands.

 

Understanding this principles of giving and taking sexual pleasures will help improve your love life, and also take your marriage from friendship to soul mate level.

 

Finally:– I you really want to make your marriage move from better half level to soul mate, then you have to take your time and work on it by following some points i listed in this post.

Marriage is about daily nurturing, if you fail to do the needful, then you will not get where you want to be.

 

 

 

 

 

5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018

happy marriage,create our best marriageIf I ask you to do one thing this 2018 to create the best marriage you’ve ever wanted, what would it be?
– Your attitude.

– The time you spend together as couple.

– your finance

-or the way you communicate with your spouse.

Obviously you saw it all last year, and you could tell how good or how poorly you worked to make your relationship successful.

 

Well, in this post, I will share 5 seemingly cheap but powerful steps of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.

If this is one things you want to achieve this year, then you’ve got to read this article to the last letter.

Like I said, it looks so simple, but it will work wonders in patching those holes in your marriage and restoring your relationship to those happy state again.

 

Imagine getting back to those times when you whole desire to hear his or her voice again and again over the telephone, you want to be with him/her every time.

 

Of course you can have it back if you want to, and I know you really want to, if not you won’t be reading this post.

Without wasting much time, here are few steps to achieve it.

 

                   5 seemingly simple Ways of creating your Best Marriage in 2018.

 

happy marriage,create your best marriage1) Be more committed:- One good way to ascertain the level of weakness and strength of your relationship is to measure the amount of your personal commitment to it.

 

It’s all about what sacrifices you’ve got to give to make things work out.

 

Every marriage has it’s good and bad times, but to have a good and successful relationship, you have to look and evaluate your marriage to determine those area that requires a touch and then get down to work immediately.

 

Think about what you should do on the daily basis to make things work again. Be willing to go extra mile to make up the lost glory, be ready to say sorry after a fight, not because you are wrong, but because you want the relationship survive.

 

happy marriage, creating the best marriage2) Be sincere and truthful :– My Wife told me outright that she doesn’t like lies or dishonesty as that is the only thing that can make angry.
Have I been faithful to that request? no, but I am striving to achieve that.

 

Being honest and sincere will help your marriage succeed: be sincere when there is a new achievement from your spouse, if he she does something for the marriage commend that with sincerity. Stop the lip service and be plain every time.

 

good communication in marriage3)Communicate effectively:- Communication is to marriage what blood is human life. It the backbone of marital success.

 

Any marriage without good communication is on its way to divorce. And so if all you want is to create the type of marriage you want, then give a thought about the level of communication in your marriage and work to improve on it if need be.
Never wait until things unravel before you can do that, it may be too late.

 

However, don’t just talk because you want to keep conversation going, bad communication skills can  also destroy your relationship.

 

Think and adopt a good communication skill that will help your marriage and discard the ones that will harm your marriage.

I have written an article on how to increase our communication skills

 

happy marriage,create yiur best marriage 4) Stop trying to change your partner:- Last year you tried everything you could to change your spouse and you found out its didn’t out for you.
Here’s what you should know ” God gave you a partner and not a project to build.

 

You can never change him or her, you only need to change your mind, change the way you think see your partner.
Understand that it is not possible for your partner to do or be exactly the way you want every time you want it.

 

The right approach is to make up your mind to see the good side of him/ her. If you continue with your great expectations, you will always be disappointed.

 

spend tine in marriage5) Invest more time:- Marriage required daily nurturing to be successful and you can’t achieve the success you want, you have invest more time into your relationship.

 

Just like in every other thing in life, the more you devote time, the more it works out, so don’t be lazy about your relationship, invest positively on it.

Bonus Read

15 Minutes a day just to breathe life into your marriage

 

 

Conclusion:- if you want to really want to create the type of marriage you ever wanted, then try and follow the steps I listed in this post. Although it will not automatically, but you will definitely see it working gradually.