Save your marriage 5 unique ways to detoxify your marriage

save your marriage, detoxify your marriage,make your marriage happyYou can still make your marriage successful again. It doesn’t matter how bad you think it is.

I have seen an unhappy marriage became happy again and a failed marriage coming back to life again and so there’s no need of throwing in the towel or quitting now.

This post will teach you how to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger than it was before.

These day, people talk so much about detoxification of the body system, and cleansing the body of some impurities, it’s about getting rid of those things that are not needed by the body system in other to making one’s body perfect normally.

Now it’s possible too to detoxify your marriage of all the contamination like reducing conflict and tensions, this will help your relationship stand firm again, the way it used to be at the early time of your marriage.

 

If that is what you really want to know, then follow me closely as I will reveal it to you in 5 minutes.

 

5 Ways to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger again.

controlling spose, shout at your spouse

 

1) Stop being controlling:- Being control is one habit that destroys any relationship fast, it usually come with the mindset of ” I am helping him or her” We.

You believed you will help your wife, your husband be a better person, learn table manner and etc.

However, within sometimes you starts feeling superior, because it’s in your consciousness that you know better than your spouse.

To you alone, you are only helping out, but to your spouse you are controlling.

If you want a better relationship then stop it now.

 

make your marriage stronger

 

 

2) Recommit yourself:- A time comes in a long time relationship when couples see themselves poling apart with great speed.

They may be eating from the same plate, sleeping in the same bed and under one roof and yet they live differently.

If that sounds like your marriage, then there’s need to recommit yourselves back with your marriage.

The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and identify those unsettled matters and treat it properly and then look for those sacrifices you should make for your relationship to get back up again.

Make your marriage a priority and start investing more time, you will definitely see changes in due time.

 

respect your spouse

 

3) Respect each other:- Mutual respect is a can’t do without in any relationship.

Of course while mutual respect alone can’t make a marriage work yet no marriage can thrive well without it.

It simply means treating your spouse well, and in a more courteous way, it means you are not talking to each other respectfully, it means you respect and consider the views of your better half as also important.

 

Trying everything you can to make your partner feel respected will surely add a new color to your relationship.

Everyone will feel secured and loved.

If you are not sure of how to make him/her feel respected, here are few tips:=))

– Never shout at him or her.
– Support his/her dreams.
– Always be on time.
– Be conscious of his or her needs.
– Be appreciative and complement always.

If you want your marriage to be happy again, then keep your ego by the side and show some respect.

good communication in marriage

 

4) Get back communication:- Communication is vital for the success of any marriage. According to his research, Dr John Guttman, a famous research on marriage, he said he could guess if a couple is heading to divorce by observing the way they interact during conflicts or any issues.

See how you can improve your communication skills

Also from yourtango.com a lifestyle lifestyle website after a survey by 1000 professor, observed that poor communication ranks number with ( 65 percent) as the reasons marriages fail and couples inability to settle their conflicts ranks ( 45 percent).

From the same survey, it was also discovered that both husbands and wives have different communication complaints.

Mostly, women complain about their husbands failures in validating their feelings or opinions,
Then men complain more about their wives nagging.

Obviously, communication is the pivot that pulls every other aspects of the marriage so learn to communicate effectively.

If you love someone and you didn’t let him or her know, then you are not doing yourself or the party good.

However, if your communication skills are ineffective, then learn it and improve your relationship.

 

wrong parenting skills

 

5) Do your parenting as a team:- To detox your marriage, you must learn to parent your children as a team.

Some children are so confused about what they see and hear from their parents when there is a great odd between the two parents.

 

When there is difference in the opinion among the couples about what is good or bad for the children, it tells on the children.

To make things work, there’s every need to work as a team.

 

Finally:- Do anything you can to detox your marriage of anything that will bring disaster in the future.

This post will help you so much, as I have shared about 5 unique ways to do the detoxification of your relationship.

 

Take your time to read the post carefully and put those points written to action.

 

I am still your friend murphyaik

See you at the top.

 

How to Uphold and Sustain your Marriage with the Word of God

speak the word of God for your marriageHave you tried everything you know to make your marriage spicy, and yet things are not going the way you desire? Then you have not tried this simple but interesting way that am going to show you in this post.

 

Although it may sounds simple, but you can really uphold and sustain your marriage with just  the word of God.

Interestingly, we read from the Bible (Proverbs 18 verse 21) from New Living Translation;
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences”.

 

That simply shows that you can speak life or death to anything in general and your marriage in particular.

I have written some posts on bible passages about marriage

  1. 23 Red hot Bible passages for your marriage

It is very possible that whatever your relationship is going through now, may be the results of what you spoke about in the time past,

As the Bible also said in the book of Numbers 14 verse 28 from English Standard Version;

Say to them, ‘As I live, declares the LORD, what you have said in my hearing I will do to you:

Probably, you haven’t been speaking well of your marriage, your husband or your children.

It is always negative words like “My marriage is failing apart”, My husband is a good for nothing man or my children are not intelligent, that may be the results you are getting now.

Understand that devil knows that life and death are in your tongue, so he is seriously waiting for you to speak death so he will make your wish come true and God is also waiting to hear those things that are consistent with his words from you, so he will do it for you.

 

If that is the case, then I implore you today to say only those things you want to see happening with you and your marriage.

Here are few steps to help you.

1) Start early:- You don’t have to wait till you get married to determine the type of marriage you want.

You can start from this moment you’re still searching to say the type of husband, wife and family you want.

Bible said in Roman’s 4:17 that God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not.

Also the book of Job 22:28 from New American Standard Bible
“You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways.

You and I are created in the image of God, and we are created to function like Him. He gave us all His abilities and also told us in John 14: 12 that we can do even greater things if we believe in Him.

And so use your tongue to call forth a handsome, rich, educated, caring and loving man to marry you.

Also decree how you want your wedding, your home and family to be. Remember, what you say is what you get.

sustain your marriage with the word of God

2) No time is later:– It is true you have been speaking wrong about your relationship and things have actually changed from good to worse, but you can still make a change now.

Start reversing those negative words with the positive ones. Instead of saying that your marriage is having a problem, say it is having a challenge and that God it taking control.

If things happen so badly that you are not happy about it, instead of flaring up or regretting why you marry that man/that woman, at that point remind yourself of what the Bible said in the book of Romans 8:28;
from New Living Translation;

happy marriage, word of God,creating your world
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”.

That means that the failure, disappointments and discouragements are all working to make things better for you.

If you change the way you think and talk about your marriage from this moment, things will gradually start taking shape again.

3) Understand what God has in store for you and your marriage:- How often do you study the word of God? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

You can only trust God when you know all He has in stock for you and you can know that by reading and meditating on His word (The Bible).
Understand that the Word of God is God talking to you, that there’s a word for every situation you are facing in your marriage. Look it up and apply them and see what will happen in your marriage.

When you have read the words, the next step is to declare the word, Bible said in Romans 10:10 “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved”.

Keep declaring the word of God concerning your marriage and don’t keep quiet until you start seeing the fruits.

happy marriage,creating your perfect marriage

Bible said that when the cloud is full of water, it will empty itself (Ecclesiastes 11:3) So keep saying the words and don’t stop talking it: If it’s the word of God, then the things you declare must workout for you and your spouse.

Conclusion : You can actually make things work again in your marriage no matter how bad it is by just declaring the word of God.

Remember that “ the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”. Whatever, you decree will come to pass.

Thanks for reading; and try to apply what I just told you here.

See you at the top:

I am still your friend, Murphyaik.

Marriage Killers: How to constantly update your marriage Virus Scanner

marriage killers, seperation in marriageThe number one secret of a successful relationship and marriage is daily nurturing, understanding and doing the needful things that helps it work.

The relationships that have failed or that are on the verge of failing, are the once who neglected to constantly check their relationship daily for the viruses that usually attacks without warning.

Virus are those organisms that attached itself to a host. and if not removed on time, destroys or even kill the host.

We know very well how our computers are attached by virus, the same way our marriages are attached by virus too.

There are so much virus that can destroy any marriage in a twinkle of an eye if not properly checked.

In this post, we will learn how to scan and treat your marriage / relationship for virus especially in this season.

What are the viruses that can destroy any marriage.

scan your marriage for virus1) Hanging out with bad friends :- An affirmation says ” tell me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
Another adage says “Evil manner corrupt good mind.

If you mingle with those friend that knows how to mistreat his/her spouse, then it will not be long before you start behaving the same there’s no two ways about it.
If your friends knows how to come home late drunk, you are close to learning it and behaving the same.

How to scan your marriage for bad friends The best way to do this is to stay away from such friends.

Be with those you are learning good things from. The will not only inspire you, but you will also learn good values from him or her.

scan your marriage2) Spend less time with opposite sex:- I know it well you are just friends, I also know it that you are not lusting after him/her.

You both work at the same office, and there is absolutely no harm in taking him / her to have coffee together. Here’s what I want to let you know: too close relationship with the opposite sex can create sexual feelings for you as time goes on and can eventually create a rift in your marriage and I know you don’t want that.

It usually starts like a play, but as time goes on you find out that you both are sharing very personal things with each other and sometimes you become disappointed when you get to the office and he/ or she is not there and somehow start desiring to be alone together.

I know you will tell me you are not feeling like what I am talking about, but ask yourself if he/she is feeling the same

Now to be on the safe side, keep a good distance from them and create a good professional barest between you and any opposite sex.

scan your marriage3) Lies:– It’s very easy to tell lies, but it’s not that easy to come out from the negative effects of lies.

We see it as a small, but we graduate from that little lie to a bigger lie and when it becomes bigger, we tell another lie to cover it up.

The worse is when you hide about your intimate relationship with someone outside, but that’s a huge sin against marriage.

Only an open and sincere communication can increase trust in relationship and every relationship needs a large chunks of trust to be successful.

communication is the bedrock of every marriage and when it’s tampered with, I affects the marriage.
The best solution is to say the truth always and see how your family will work.

(4) Trust :- Every marriage depends on trust to survive. That simply means it is very impossible to have a close intimacy in your relationship if you or your partner lack trust.
Trust create good bond and security in a relationship as everyone feels relaxed and secured too.

However, when trust is lacking in a relationship, every other part of the relationship suffers.
This is true because everyone want to threat someone the same way they are treated (Tit for Tat).

That’s why we feel hurt when our partner betrays our trust, some times we want to get even.
We think, if you are not sincere with me then why should I be sincere with you.

Did you see how trust effect marriage/relationship.

Lack of trust is one virus that destroys marriage. So do not do anything that can sniff out trust out of your marriage if you don’t want your marriage to fail.

5) Resentment:- This is another tricky virus that eats of a marriage in a little time. It usually starts small like anger and boredom and gradually erodes the marriage.

Claire Hatch , LCSW, says “resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms that you realize. On the surface it may cause you to feel bored, or to find flaws with your partner — picking on them for small things such as being somewhat messy or failing to return your text in a timely fashion”.

Gary Brown a well known family and marriage therapist from Los Angeles said that resentment gradually eats up a relationship to the point that your partner will feel the worse phase of resentment. At that point things have gone out of hand, and will be hard to reverse, you don’t want that to happen to your marriage, do you?

Final Notes:- it’s better to scan your marriage daily for viruses that are capable of destroying it, and eliminate them before they strike.
Remember, it is your sole duty to save your marriage for destruction.

I am still your friend Ikenna Uchegbu (murphyaik).
See you at the top.

How to improve your love life with your wife

 

improve marriageGetting married to the one you love is one thing: but keeping the love strong and happy after a long time: that’s were the work is.

 

At the early stages of your marriage, you don’t have to search the internet or read book or even visit a marriage counselor to understand how to improve your love life with your wife, everything came naturally because you were so much in love.

 

Research from the sociological says that ” couples record great happiness in the early stages of their relationship, and when the kids starts coming, there will be down turn in the happiness, they both stop investing into the relationship.

 

Here is why :-))

 

While the women focus more on the children, the men focus on their job.

When these happens, there tend to be a disconnect. The love start deteriorating, resentment sets in and then marriage starts crumbling.

 

In this article, I will show you how to renew your Love life with your wife.
If this is what you really want, then be ready to read this post to the last page, because I will also show you what you should do to make your wife fall in love again with you.

 

If you are ready, then let’s go on.

 

 How to improve your marriage love life

Create a Balance between Togetherness and individuality: So much has been said about couples being strong by having time together. Of course mutuality is very important aspect of marriage success.

However, in as much as couples need to share time together, the need to create a good balance between togetherness and individuality will help you improve your relationship and make it successful whether you are still planning to get married or you have been married for a while ago.

 

David Olsen says “Couple who are neither too separate from one another nor overly involved with each other is in the best position to succeed “.

The truth is that a moderate level of being close is optimal for a good relationship to thrive

To achieve this balance, you have to –

– Make it known to your partner and to yourself about your own needs and wants.

– Set aside some personal time: – You and your better half don’t need to be together on every waking hour because it is the quality of time you stay together that matters and not the quantity of time.
It is important two of you sit down and discuss about the convenient time when you can have time to attend to your personal interests.

 

– Learn to moderately say yes or no: – Remember you don’t need to say yes to everything your partner says and you don’t need to say no to everything either especially when you have not tried it out.
Always be open to trying new things, because you can eventually discover a new hobby for yourself.

 

– Care for yourself: – We always get so overwhelmed in making sure our partners feel happy, that we forget our very self.

However, it is good you take care of yourself, pamper yourself, try going on alone dates, and get yourself good gifts.

 

2) Work as a team: – When you look at most of the successful marriage, you will find out that they have one thing in common, and that is the ability to work together as a team.

 

I love how Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. describe it “Teamwork is essential for combining various talents, skills and bodies of knowledge in attaining a common goal”.

If you want to achieve greater success in your relationship, then try working as a team.

 

Many marriages fail because the couples are so interested in fulfilling their own selfish desires and that brings fight always

But, the couples that have good communication and negotiating skill stays together for a long time.

 

The president and CEO of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, who also authored many books on how improve relationships in his quote said ” Learning to see your partner as a teammate rather than an opponent will help your marriage grow closer and stronger “.

 

Of course storms will come, there may be some disagreement, but you will always pass through it because you have one common motive and that is to make things work out.

 

Here are few ways to build great teamwork.

a) Be selfless
b) Create core values
c) Discover the things that need change and find solutions for them.
d) Give up blame completely.
e) Always think about solution and not problems.

 

3) Keep working everyday: – To some people, marriage is a very critical institution, while some other believe it isn’t that hard in as much as you are doing the needful things on a daily basis.
Most couples wait for far too long to get their marriage back on its feet again, but, the real thing is to start working immediately you noticed some irregularities.

 

Just the same way you do to your car, you check the oil and make sure it is changed once it’s ran one thousand kilometers; you top the water and quickly see a mechanic once you notice an unusual sound:

You have to always check up your relationship daily and start repairing it before things get out of hand.

 

If you really want to improve your marriage, then you have to take care of it, and it’s all about your daily and consistent maintenance.

 

Here are few daily steps to take.

 

– Try and demonstrate you love daily.
– Bring your best into the marriage everyday
– Avoid daily argument.

 

Doing these things will help you build security in your relationship.

 

Try asking your partner may be once in a week about the things you have not done well the previous week and make proper use of the answers you get.

I have tried it so many times and I found out I have made so many mistakes that my spouse was not happy about.

 

If you wait for a long time, or wait for your marriage to sink before you talk about your grievances, then it may be disastrous.

Commit yourself to the daily nurturing and you will not regret it.

 

4) Solve your problems fast:– There is absolutely no relationship without bumps and trial, the only disparity between the successful and the failed relationship is the ability to solve the problems encountered.

 

The worst marriage destroyer is to let some problems unsolved for a long time.

 

Gottman said “Happily married couples do not have less conflict/tensions, but they are better able to repair it before it gets out of hand (before negative sentiment overrides the positive ones)”.

 

What he wants us know is that not settling problems earlier has a way of bringing a disconnect and resentment to couple that eventually breaks the marriage.

 

Improving your marriage means working ceaselessly in settling your disputes.
Mostly couples problems falls into 3 areas like – sex, parenting, in-laws and money etc although there are many other areas however, when this areas are resolved fast, it takes care of others.”

 

Linda Mintle PhD in her book ( I married you and not your family) described Five different ways couples respond to problems

– The fighter
– The avoider
– Calm resolver

Depending which area you fail into the advice is that you find out the style that walks best for you to solve your problems and keep your marriage aflame and alive and adopt it.

 

4) Improve your communication:- Many marriages have failed because there is no strong communication and many can be saved if couples can improve in their communication skills

 

The main reason for poor communication is due to the state of emotional connection between the two.

When there is a good connection, communication flows well, but the opposite happened when there is a disconnect.

 

So to improve your communication, look at your emotions and check if all is okay and then try improving it if need be.

 

Almost every couple has these communication problems, but healthy couples try hard to solve theirs.
If your relationship fails to the category I described earlier then you should learn the best way to increase communicate effectively, let that be your priorities.

 

Though it is may not be that easy, but there are few tips that will help you.
– Learn to listen carefully.
– Learn how to encourage.
– Remove all distractions
– Empathize

If you put all I’ve mentioned above in place during your conversation, then you are having a wonderful communication.

 

5) Build trust in your end:– In marriage, trust plays an important part. No relationship can stand without trust no matter the type of love both have.

Trust can be seen as glue that holds things together.

The absence of trust is fear and Bible said that “Fear has torment”
That simply means your relationship will be tormented without trust.

 

Trusting your spouse means you believe, rely, you can vouch for him/ her, have confidence and you feel secured with them.

 

Therefore to improve your relationship, you should try everything to build trust from your part, which is making your partner trust you again.

If your partner can say “yes my spouse can’t do such a thing” then you’ve go to start building trust again.

Trust me it is not a rocket science to build trust, although it won’t be a day or months thing, but if you start today, then you will start seeing the effect in near future.
The fact is that you are ignorant of how to start the journey, but am here to help.

Here are few checklists to take.

– Discover where you breached the trust and make amend.
– Forgive yourself first.
– Apologize
– Start being transparent in all your doings.
– communicate openly

Finally: – When you put all these I mentioned into practice, you will find out how easy it is to improve your marriage and make it better than what it has always been.
If this post helps to solve your problems, please share it with your friends.
I am still your friend
Murphyaik.
See you at the top.

Trust: 8 Ways to rebuild, restore and build Trust in your marriage

building trust in marriage,restoring trust in marriage,Rebuilding trust in marriageA lot has been covered in happymarriagebuilder about how to ignite your marriage afresh and so may has also been revealed here about how to be the best you can  in your relationship in other to make it successful.

 

In this post we are going to be looking at another important ingredient you need to make right, if you desire to succeed as couples

I AM TALKING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD, OR REBUILD TRUST IN YOUR MARRIAGE

 

You cannot talk about a successful marriage without talking about trust.

Trust is the backbone of all the successful marriages and that mean if your marriage is not thriving perfectly, then trust may be lacking.

Now am not saying that you have cheated on your spouse.

Many people only think about sexual unfaithfulness whenever they hear trust.

well you are not mistaken to think that.
However, there is so much more than that.

 

Lies and broken promises effects our marriage negatively just like infidelity. They invade our marriage and destroy the trust that exists between couples and make both feel insecure.

 

That means you should avoid anything that can bring insecurities between two of you at initial stage.

 

Because it takes so many efforts and time before trust can be rebuilt.

 

If trust has vanished in your relationship and you are looking to get it back, then here are few suggestions on how you can rebuild, restore build trust back in your marriage.

 

How to build, restore and rebuild trust in your marriage

 

1) Understand what killed the trust:- Whether it’s lie, infidelity, fail or broken promises that cause the breach of trust, you have to identify it and then work to restore it.

An adage say” You must know where the rain started beaten you, before you know where it stopped beating you”.

The fact is that until you know what made your partner lose confidence in you, you will not make amend.

If you said so many lies in the beginning, then you have to start being honest from now.

Start from being truthful to yourself. You can’t succeed being honest to others when you are not honest to yourself.

And if you always try to be what or who you are not, then stop it, because those are the things that can make you lie.

2) Be responsible for your actions:- Nobody is perfect, everyone can make mistakes. It is imperative to take responsibility for all your actions, your thoughts and your feelings whether intentional good or deliberate.

 

If you take responsibility of your actions, then it will be easier for you to make amends.

Don’t try to give excuses or try to give justifiable reason for your deeps, it may cause more harm that good.

 

buiding trust

 

3) Apologize:- When you are sure of the reasons for the break of trust, and you have accepted the responsibility, then next line of action is to apologize for your wrongs.

Apologize with every sincerity knowing that the way you do it will determine if you should be forgiven or not.

The way to go is to just to avoid trying to justify your actions.

Go straight to the point and show how sorry you are and promise to be good from that moment.

 

4) Be transparent with your mails, your gadget and social media dealings:- Don’t hide anything about your email, and text messages.

 

Make it open and let him/ her have the password to all your gadgets.

Be open when you answer your phone calls also.

If your spouse see that you have no skeleton in your cupboard, then trust will start coming back.

5) Start keeping promises :- Failed promises deplete trust the same way infidelity does.

If you have made so many promises in the past and didn’t fulfill it, it is time to make amends.

Promise what you have intentions of keeping.

6) Be Humble:- One great enemy of trust is pride.

You should be willing to keep your ego off and do all the needful.

If you are expected to go on your needs for things to work, then do it.

Do everything possible to fill the brokenness.

rebuilind trust in your marriage

 

7) Keep your words from this moment:– You have apologized and your partner accepted your apology.

It is therefore important that you back your words with actions, having in mind that action speaks better than words.

Your partner will be on the look out to see that you are keeping your promises.

You have to stay dependable for a long time.

Let everything be conspicuous in your spouse’s eyes that you are seriously striving to be the best you can.

8) Be patient:- It doesn’t take to break trust in a relationship, but it takes much time to build, restore and rebuild it.

If you have started the journey to reignite trust, then you should be ready to wait.

Never give up when you see no change or little changes happening.

If you remain unmoved and consistent with your actions, then in less time you will see everything working again.