7 Ways of getting yourself ready for a happy marriage.

getting married, ready for marriage,have a happy marriageIt amaze me so much how couples put all their efforts and time into preparing for their wedding, and spend little or no time at all getting them selves ready for the marriage itself.

 

Things like how to take care of finances, how to take care of the children, number of children you want to have as well as who will take charge of whatever, which is supposed to be the priority, are not even thought about until after wedding and that’s why there are so many broken marriages today.

 

If you are about to wed in no distant time from now, and have never thought about the life that comes after wedding, then this post is for you and I will show you some things you’ll need to do as you get ready to tie the knot.

If you are ready, then let’s get going now.

 

getting ready for marriage

 

1) Get your finances right:- One of the challenges that starts rearing up its head few years after wedding is the issue of money.

A survey by Sun trust Bank shows that 35% of arguments in marriage comes from the issues of money and that if it take couple few years for couples to recover from other challenges, that many couple never recovers from that caused by money.

 

Fact is that couples don’t just have issues about money, they hide their transactions from each other.

However, this issue of money would have been sorted out before wedding, but who really wants to talk about that when everyone is so excited about the wedding itself.

To avoid it from happening in your marriage, you have to start early and think of how to go about things like – whether you will have a joint account or not,  how to pay the bills and other important things.

 

Ready for marriage, have a happy marriage

 

2) Set goals for your marriage:- The same way you set goals for your works or business to make you increase your productivity, you should also set goals for your relationship if you want it successful.

Setting goals helps you strengthen your marriage, because it gives you the strength to work as a team to achieve a common goal.

Setting goals also helps you and your better half understand each other and also help you achieve a great fulfillment in other aspects if your marriage.

Its a very good idea for both of you to talk about your future dreams.

How would you like your relationship to be in the next 3,5_7 or more years be ?

It all starts from what you do today.

getting ready for marriage

 

3) Talk about your expectations:-Communication still stands the number one bedrock of every successful relationship and you start from your time of dating to get it right since both of you are planning to be a team.

 

Its also pertinent that both of you should be open as you talk about anything that matters as you discuss your future marriage.

As a couple to be, there is need to discuss about household, intimacy, your roles, finance and other important things.

 

 

4) Give up your bad habits:- Many marriages are strained today because many couples are unable to break their individual habits.
You see= }} habits are very common to everyone whether its good or bad, but while the good ones helps to build your relationship, the other will definitely interfere negative in your marriage.

 

And so the best thing to do is to take absolute care about those habits you know that can be detrimental to your relationship. It may be drinking habit, gambling or drug; whatever it is, the way forward is giving them up completely before getting into marriage so that your personal problem doesn’t become your marriage problem.

 

getting ready for marriage

 

5) Clear your debts:- The best way to begin a relationship is to start “fresh”

Getting into any relationship with a ship load of debts will overwhelm your relationship, because the time both of you will use to focus on your future finance will be devoted to how to settle your old debts and the greatest tension and stress will start when your debtors will start knocking on your door.

 

To avoid that from happening, make sure you settle your debts before getting married.

 

 

6) Have a relationship with God:- With God all things are possible and without Him nothing can work.
If you really want to have a good and successful marriage, then you must let Christ pilot the boat of tour relationship.

Firstly, you have to get your relationship with God right before you personal relationship will work out after that, then ask Him to lead and then go ahead a follow Him, for He will never disappoint you.

 

 

7) Learn good communication skills- If actually communication is important in marriage and 45% of marriages are destroyed by lack of good communication, then there’s need to get your communication skills right.

 

Fact is that the close we become with someone, the easier we tend to hurt then or they hurt us, and so you must be careful with your choice of words, because it not always what we say that matters but his we said it.

 

If you fine it hard to communicate properly with your spouse, maybe you find yourselves quarreling anytime you want to discuss as husband and wife, then you must work on yous communication skills.

 

One way to improve your skills is to be a good listener, I mean listening most often with undivided attention than talking.

 

See you at the top.

I am still your Friend

murphyaik.

Abuse: Five seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage

abuse in marriage, abusive marriageYour dreams were to get married someday and be happy with your spouse and your children, but, what you are currently seeing is completely far beyond your dreams. Your happy ever after dreams is now a mirage to you.

 

What makes you cry mostly is that the hurts are coming from the same person that promised to love and take care of your well-being.

 

You are not alone :=))

According to National Coalition against Domestic Violence, “A woman is assaulted or beaten every 9 seconds in America.

 

And a research in Nigeria also shows that 25 percent of women go through ordeal of domestic abuse and violence.

 

That’s true.

 

However, this day, not only women are abuse; men also fall victim of abuse.

 

From this book Ignite your marriage, you will learn ways to go through all the storms in your relationship.

 

 

In this post, you will understand 5 interesting ways to approach abuse in your marriage.

 

Here are few ways domestic abuse and violence starts

 

  • Abusive behavior usually starts when your partner tried to have and maintain control over you.

 

  • All your partner wants is to intimidate you, wear you down and keep you lying low under his thumb, using guilt, fear and shame, sometimes also he will inflict hurts on you and also threaten to hurt anyone around you.

 

Simply put, abuse is all about and power, and it normally comes in 3 different forms

 

1) Emotional Abuse:- This happens when your spouse always try to manipulate your emotions.

It usually don’t leave a scar on you, however, it can create a huge impact on your self-esteem and confidence.

It is not always understood in the beginning, but when you partner always –

  • Saying things to always frighten you.
  • Swear or call you names
  • Crosses your boundaries repeatedly.
  • Monitors your whereabouts and times.
  • And constantly point out your flaws.

 

Then you know you are experiencing emotional abuse.

 

2) Verbal abuse: – This is one of the most common abuse in our society now. It occurs when your partner takes time to shout, curse, degrade, belittle, insult or accuse you.

 

It’s also the wheel that drives the other forms of abuse, because once your partner abused you with words, he/ she can likely move to another level of abuse.

And finally the

 

3) Physical abuse:- This occurs when your partner uses physical violence against you.

As I earlier said, abuse usually breeds from verbal and emotional violence and then progresses to physical actions.

 

Causes of abuse in marriage

Research has shown that there is no specific cause for abuse in marriage.

It is neither caused by loss of control, anger, provocation, not mentally health issues.

 

It is just a choice made by someone and so when your partner tried to blame it on something else, he/she is simply trying to justify his/her behaviors’.

 

Again, most times whenever abuse is mentioned in relationships, we believe it is only a woman that’s abused.

 

Men are also abused, beaten and battered by their wives.

 

So if you are a man in an abusive relationship, then understand that you are not alone.

Thousands of men from different works of life have gone through and are still experiencing it as am writing this.

 

But men are physically stronger than women do how can he be abused you may ask!

 

Sure men are strong physically, but how do you describe it when a woman spits, bites, throw things, destroys possession or even attach a man while he is asleep just to make up for a little quarrel?

 

This post is just to help you understand what you can do, if you are abused and battered in your marriage.

 

Here are things you can do to stop the violence.

 

therapist, marriage happiness

 

 

5 seriously interesting ways to approach abusive marriage.

 

  • Decide and take actions:- if you are in an abusive relationship, then never try to excuse or explain the behavior, neither blame yourself for anything.

 

Of course

You are the one wearing the shoes so you understand properly whether to endure the pains or throw in the towel.

No one out there can help, if not you.

 

You will agree with me that no type of abuse is better than the other so the first thing to do in changing the situation is to be truthful to yourself and accept that you are in an abusive marriage and be quick in doing whatever you think is best to make you free from the abusive situation.

 

Though it will not be that easy, because sometimes you are so frightening, or you still believe things will be better in the future.

 

It’s even harder when you are being isolated from your friends and families.

 

However, if you are still trying to make up your mind to stay or leave, here are few steps to take for your safety.

  • Know the safe places in your house:- It’s important you know which area of your house where you can run to when he/she starts.

 

  • Identify his/her red moments:- Always be fast to know when he starts getting angry and seek a good reason to leave the house.

 

  • Be ready for any Emergency escape:- Always be sure there’s fuel in the car, have spare key to the next door, and keep emergency money to enable you disappear when the madness starts.

 

It is up-to you now to know what to do starting now.

 

2) Understand that you can’t change an abuser:- It is not your responsibility to make your abusive partner know that he/she is hurting you.

 

Even if you try all you can, you’ll not succeed.

Abusers never change when they receive your compassion; they only change by learning to “act with compassion”.

And so if you wish to stay forever hoping that one day he/she will change, then you are only hurting yourself.

 

However never overlook how much pain he/she inflicts on you.

 

It is not that interesting to be with someone who can’t show any respect to you.

 

3) Seek professional Help:-  If you are a victim of an abusive relationship and you have exhausted your power of trying to manage the process all by yourself,  then seeking to employ the services of a profession helper To Help you out.

 

There are people like the therapist or psychologist who are specially trained to help out in certain conditions, and your collaborating with them may be a quick help in solving your problems.

 

The work of a good therapist or psychologist will go a long way in helping you through the emotional aspects of the abuse.

 

In my article HOW TO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST,  you will discover how you can get a good and qualified therapist to work with in every condition.

 

You can also search the internet for other helps that are available for an abused or battered partner.

 

4) Never fight back:- All the abuser are good manipulators and they are ready to provoke to the point of making you almost go mad, and at the same time they will want to blame you for everything.

 

My advice to you is to hold yourself strong and never try to fight back no matter the intensity of the insult.

I know it may not be easy for you to do, but remember all those things are well set out traps for you and at last, you may be the one bearing all the blames at last.

 

So let him/her go ahead and shout at you: all you should do is to control yourself and just walk away.

 

5) Reach out to others:- Try and establish a good relationship with as many family and friends you can.

It is true many abusers will want to cut you off from people, but they may sometimes forget some others.

 

Try and build relationships with them and let them know what’s going on with you and your partner to whenever they don’t hear from you they will understand.

 

Also have a coded text massage or words they understand very well.

Any time your abusive partner starts his/her madness, secretly forward the massage to them, that will make them know you are un trouble.

 

Finally, understand that abusers a not normal,  and so take good precautions for any action you want to take.

 

Make sure you plan yourself properly and finally understand that leaving the abusive relationship is the best solution as your life is more important that hoping for things to get better.

 

 

 

Save your marriage 5 unique ways to detoxify your marriage

save your marriage, detoxify your marriage,make your marriage happyYou can still make your marriage successful again. It doesn’t matter how bad you think it is.

I have seen an unhappy marriage became happy again and a failed marriage coming back to life again and so there’s no need of throwing in the towel or quitting now.

This post will teach you how to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger than it was before.

These day, people talk so much about detoxification of the body system, and cleansing the body of some impurities, it’s about getting rid of those things that are not needed by the body system in other to making one’s body perfect normally.

Now it’s possible too to detoxify your marriage of all the contamination like reducing conflict and tensions, this will help your relationship stand firm again, the way it used to be at the early time of your marriage.

 

If that is what you really want to know, then follow me closely as I will reveal it to you in 5 minutes.

 

5 Ways to detoxify your marriage and make it stronger again.

controlling spose, shout at your spouse

 

1) Stop being controlling:- Being control is one habit that destroys any relationship fast, it usually come with the mindset of ” I am helping him or her” We.

You believed you will help your wife, your husband be a better person, learn table manner and etc.

However, within sometimes you starts feeling superior, because it’s in your consciousness that you know better than your spouse.

To you alone, you are only helping out, but to your spouse you are controlling.

If you want a better relationship then stop it now.

 

make your marriage stronger

 

 

2) Recommit yourself:- A time comes in a long time relationship when couples see themselves poling apart with great speed.

They may be eating from the same plate, sleeping in the same bed and under one roof and yet they live differently.

If that sounds like your marriage, then there’s need to recommit yourselves back with your marriage.

The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and identify those unsettled matters and treat it properly and then look for those sacrifices you should make for your relationship to get back up again.

Make your marriage a priority and start investing more time, you will definitely see changes in due time.

 

respect your spouse

 

3) Respect each other:- Mutual respect is a can’t do without in any relationship.

Of course while mutual respect alone can’t make a marriage work yet no marriage can thrive well without it.

It simply means treating your spouse well, and in a more courteous way, it means you are not talking to each other respectfully, it means you respect and consider the views of your better half as also important.

 

Trying everything you can to make your partner feel respected will surely add a new color to your relationship.

Everyone will feel secured and loved.

If you are not sure of how to make him/her feel respected, here are few tips:=))

– Never shout at him or her.
– Support his/her dreams.
– Always be on time.
– Be conscious of his or her needs.
– Be appreciative and complement always.

If you want your marriage to be happy again, then keep your ego by the side and show some respect.

good communication in marriage

 

4) Get back communication:- Communication is vital for the success of any marriage. According to his research, Dr John Guttman, a famous research on marriage, he said he could guess if a couple is heading to divorce by observing the way they interact during conflicts or any issues.

See how you can improve your communication skills

Also from yourtango.com a lifestyle lifestyle website after a survey by 1000 professor, observed that poor communication ranks number with ( 65 percent) as the reasons marriages fail and couples inability to settle their conflicts ranks ( 45 percent).

From the same survey, it was also discovered that both husbands and wives have different communication complaints.

Mostly, women complain about their husbands failures in validating their feelings or opinions,
Then men complain more about their wives nagging.

Obviously, communication is the pivot that pulls every other aspects of the marriage so learn to communicate effectively.

If you love someone and you didn’t let him or her know, then you are not doing yourself or the party good.

However, if your communication skills are ineffective, then learn it and improve your relationship.

 

wrong parenting skills

 

5) Do your parenting as a team:- To detox your marriage, you must learn to parent your children as a team.

Some children are so confused about what they see and hear from their parents when there is a great odd between the two parents.

 

When there is difference in the opinion among the couples about what is good or bad for the children, it tells on the children.

To make things work, there’s every need to work as a team.

 

Finally:- Do anything you can to detox your marriage of anything that will bring disaster in the future.

This post will help you so much, as I have shared about 5 unique ways to do the detoxification of your relationship.

 

Take your time to read the post carefully and put those points written to action.

 

I am still your friend murphyaik

See you at the top.

 

How to genuinely attract that perfect man and make him fall head over heels in love with you.

How to attract any man. how to make a man love youIf you are tired of waiting for that man, if you are sick of being single and you are not sure if you will ever get married the next 5 years, then I have good news for you.

 

This post is all about holding you by hand and showing you how you can genuinely attract that perfect man and also make him fall head over heels in love with you.

 

At the end of it all, you’ll discover the secrets that will make you get into any man’s head and initiate that marriage proposals you’ve been dreaming of.

Imagine becoming irresistible to any man =))
If this is exactly what you want to achieve, then let’s get down to business.

The fact is that =))

All your dreams to meet and get married to the man of your dreams has landed you into so many troubles.

You have fallen to the hands of cheaters, playboys, and you have been through so much disappointments and heart breaks.

However, after reading this post, you will know that the power to get married is all in your hand.

You will be able to tell when a man is ready to settle down and how to make him want to, even if it’s not in his plan.

 

Before we get down to our business of the day, let’s learn a little about men.

Who are they? What are the things that make them the men they are called? And how would you know if a man is thinking about settling down?

 

All these are important, because until a man is really ready to marry, he can never ask you to marry him no matter what you do to lure him.

You can never succeed in getting any man commit to you if you are ignorant of his makeups. Know the things that motivates and drive him and how he loved you.

forget about your plans to change him when you get into the relationship. It absolutely will not work, consider that the greatest mistake you’ll make in life.

What I want to let you understand here is that there are three important things that is of great importance to any man, and that determines if he will ready to settle down:

They are

1) Who he actually is.
2) What he does.
3) And how much they earn.

All these will occupy every man’s mind and give him no room for any thoughts about settling down, and unless those three things are settled in his mind.

Of course he may not have the whole things down, but immediately he finds out that his dreams are taking shape, and that he is capable of taking care of his family, then that’s when he starts thinking about you.

Now you know what drives a man, and certainly you can win any man of your choice. Isn’t it?

Here is how. = ))

 

make any man fall in love with you, make any man want to marry you– Be completely irresistible to any man:– This is a trick many girls have not tried before, but frankly speaking, if you know how to make a man beg for it, then you’ve got to have any man at your fingertips.

 

I said this because I know that being irresistible will

a) Make him want to travel from a far place just to see you again.
b) Will make him wanna call you every minute.
c) Will make him beg you to go and meet his parents and above all
d) Get to his kneel to beg you to marry him.

 

It doesn’t matter how you look or how you are dressed, you need to be the woman you are right from the inside.

Do you really want to be wanted by every men?
Here is what to do
Be confident of yourself:– Helen Rowland said in his quote that ” The woman who appeals to a mans vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination that gets him”.

 

Confidence is one of the qualities men don’t joke with when they find it in women.

A confident woman never seeks approval to do anything she wants.

They love to be themselves and know what they worth and are also confidence that she can get whatever they want in life.

If these qualities I mentioned are not in you, then you have to work on your low esteem to increase it.

– Be original :- Quote “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it”.
Bruce Lee

Be who you are always and do not pretend to be who you are not created to be.

 

If you are the type of girl that believes you have to look like Princes Diana, or you prefer dressing in a particular way just to draw men’s attention to yourself, then you are not doing yourself any good.

Men likes it when you are proud of you are, I don’t mean being arrogant, but you are proud of your look.

Learn to express and respect yourself, because no man will respect you if you don’t have respect for yourself.

– Always be a mystery:- It‘s always tempting to divulge everything about you to that man, after all he is your would be husband. But wait ! Do you know that men respects you more when they take time to understand you and what you are made of?

And so to create a spark into that man’s curiosity about who you are, don’t tell everything about you, allow him to do the findings all by himself.

make every man fall in love with you– Be available and easy to be with:- It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, if you don’t make yourself available and easy to be with, men will run away from you.

 

All men wants an easy and pleasant life and so sometimes playing hard to get works, but frankly speaking men don’t like drama queen.

 

2 Be mature Emotionally:- Quote ” The Criteria of Emotional Maturity: The ability to deal constructively with reality The capacity to adapt to change A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness The capacity to sublimate, to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets The capacity to love”.

William C. Menninger.

 

If you are the type of the woman that lies to have her way in everything, you shout almost at every and you don’t mind crying until you are not mature emotionally.

Truly you are matured in age, but to be matured emotionally comes with experience.

Emotional maturity implies that you have the capacity to manage and control the intensity of your emotions.

You know yourself so well that even when your man says or does things that triggers despair in you, then you are still calm, however, that doesn’t mean you’ll swallow everything, both the ones you like and don’t like you like, but you always look for the better ways to settle everything.

 

If you understand the process of managing your emotions well, every man that comes your way will definitely see you as an amazing girl to be with..

3 Set a standard and have a requirements:– If you are in marriage market and you don’t know what you want, then you are setting yourself as a playground for men.

 

You should build a fence for yourself by getting your standards up, that not every dick and harry can have his ways with you and get away with it.

 

Let them know that you are not as cheap as other girls.

You should always have in your consciousness that whenever any man succeeds in tricking you, then it was you that gave him the opportunity to do that.

 

Men hangs around women for just these two reasons.

a) To get married to you
b) To use you and dump you.
If he succeeds or fail, that depends on you.

 

The good thing about this is that we men are very simple people, if you tell us what what to do, we will not fail to do it especially if its to our benefits..

Men pursues a girl to know if she is cheap, and when they find you cheap, they just treat you like the other cheap girl.

 

However, if you let them know what qualities you are made of, then they will decided if they will stick around or take to their heels..

 

be every man's dream4 Take good care of yourself:- learn how to look your best at all times. Every man hopes to get marriage any time, however not to every type of women.

 

They want to marry a girl who knows how to take good care of herself. Remember the way you look is how you’ll be addressed.

 

So look good all the time, dress properly and make that man desire to marry you.

 

If it’s your desire to get married to the man of your choice, then you have to stand up to your feet and do the necessary things and then wait for them to come running to you.

 

I have taken my time to write on those steps you should take in this post.
It may not be all easy, but doing what is needful will help you achieved whatever you want.

 

Remember, if you continue doing things the same ways, you will continue getting the same results.

 

Read this post carefully and take actions where necessary and always be expectant of good results.

 

I am still your friend ikenna Uchegbu ( murphyaik)

See yo at the Top

5 Toxic behavior that creates a disconnect between you and your wife.

Love, disconnect in marriageIf your once a happy marriage starts going sour all of a sudden, don’t blame it on the witches or anybody.

 

If you you take your time to look inside, you may be convinced that the fault is all from you.

 

Some times we do things that hurts our relationships without even knowing.

 

There are 5 toxic behaviors that are capable of causing a disconnect between you and your better-half.

 

In this post I will show you what they are and how to avoid them.

 

A time came in my marriage that I asked my wife to list some of my behavior that repels her, and I was shocked to see an endless list.

You can do the same too. However, if these 5 behaviors still exists in you, then don’t be surprised when you see your spouse avoiding you.

nagging husband1) You are a nag:- If you are such that likes to murmur, criticize, shout, yell, condemn etc, then you are a nagging husband / wife and your partner will never want to get close to you at any time and that brings a disconnect both physically and emotionally.
I bet this is not what you want in your Marriage.

 

The fact is that sometimes we don’t know we are nagging, but when you find yourself desiring people to do things the same way you want it, then you are in the game.

 

The truth is you are trying to make things work out the way you want it, but to the other partner, it’s a command (nagging) and no one wants to be commanded.

 

Most times its poor communication that leads to that, and constantly nagging your spouse means you don’t trust her /him, and you don’t think about his/her feelings too.

 

Here is a checklist of 6 ways nagging destroys a relationship

– It brings quarrel:- The reason that you always want things to be done your way will always bring quarrel and that brings avoidance and a disconnect.

-Resentments:
– Poor or no communication
– Both of you becomes enemy.

How to stop nagging :-

One way to stop nagging is to always see the good side of him/her.

 

Comparison in marriage2) Comparison:-My wife is not the outgoing type, wow! how I wish my marriage is as happy as Mr Williams, my husband can never help me keep the house clean like Mrs Johnson’s husband, my wife is fond of keeping her hair lose, she should learn how to pack it sideways like that woman next door.

 

If you find yourself talking like that, then you are full of comparison and it can hurt your spouse and kill your relationship.

From science research, comparison was found to be the source for jealousy, envy, depression and can as well destroy your ability to trust.

 

If comparison can breed all these, then why do you still indulge in it?

Everyone is unique and every marriage is unique too. what works for others may not work for you: Just be contented with who or what you have and move forward.

 

busy husband3) Coming home with your business :- You leave early to work everyday and come back late also: so why do you still come home with your work?

 

It’s possible there’s need to do one or two checks on you business at home, but that should not be at the expense of the time you spend together as spouse.

 

Couples time is important, because that’s when you discuss about how to move family forward.

 

So forget about business when at home and have a nice time together if you want your marriage successful.

 

busy husband and wife4) You are married to your gadgets:- Technology has brought joy to the world, bit it has also brought division in relationships.

In almost every marriage now, you see each partner holding his/her Android phone laptop, iPad, iPod or other devices. All these though they are good, but they bring distractions to our relationships.

 

It hinders communication and that brings a disconnect also.

So if you have the habit of pressing you laptop, phone or iPad, you are only causing damage to your relationship. Learn to off it sometimes and pay attention to what your spouse want to say.

 

5) Pride and Ego:- You are too full of yourself. No one is equal to you, both your spouse.

Frankly, Ego and pride has destroyed so many marriages, because it prevents good communication and closeness.

 

However, relationship thrives well where there is compromise and understanding.

Too much pride and Ego can only destroy your relationship because it will make you less compassionate and keep people away from you.

 

So to avoid your spouse preferring to stay alone instead of coming close to you, put off your garment of ego.

 

Conclusion:- A great attitude they say is like a perfect cup of tea  so if your attitude is not good enough, then you are missing that perfect coffee.

Remember, bad attitude can hurt your relationship, but a good attitude will help to make your relationship successful.

 

See you at the Top.

From your friend Murphyaik.