If you have been married for a while now, and you discovered that the respect your husband use to give you have died down completely, then you are not alone. One of the most common mails I get from my client is all related to that.
That simply means that as I am writing this now, so many women have gone through the same issue, and lot of them are still going through it at the moment.
Dear, if you fall into the class of women who are being disrespected by their husband, then it’s time to cheer up again.
One thing about love and respect is that we rarely give attention to them in our marriage, until we realized that they are no more present.
Here are how all these starts
Respect or love doesn’t disappear in a twinkle of an eye, it usually starts small; from doing things behind your back, treating you badly.
Sometimes, your husband may go to the extent of having an affair at your back, or abusing you. All these drain the respect.
Other ways are, things like misusing finance, lack of care, lying, promise without fulfilling it. Etc.
If the respect is already drained in your marriage, then I am here to show you how you are going to get that respect back from your husband and I will also show you how to keep it.
If you are ready for this, then let’s go on.
(1) Think about your attitude:-
One thing you should know about respect is that it is earned.
Let me ask you this question; that your co-worker, family member, your client, classmate you hated, what was the reason for your actions? Probably because of the way he/she behaved or talked.
He/she may be a snob, nagging or may be mistreating others. Although you love the person in question, but you just can’t give the respect to him/her because you detest his actions.
This is similar to what happens in our marriage. A lot of things may be the reason your husband is avoiding you, shouting at you and is disrespecting you.
The first thing you should do at this moment is to reconsider your attitude, may be you’ll find the reason and mend it.
(2) Express your feelings:-
It is not good when you deny your feelings because when you do that, you are denying yourself the truth, and it is an awkward life when we are not living our lives truthfully.
We feel very much rebated when we give ourselves a chance to have a full range of our emotions as well helping us keep away from the negativity which maybe holding us back for a long time.
When your husband hurt you intentionally or not, always know that you have the power to tell him how you feel.
Example; if he raised his voice on you, go to him and tell him that you feel scared and disrespected when he talk to you that way; use the right words.
Also understand that you are doing it all for yourself and it also about having a truthful life that is free from trouble and resentments.
(3) Be confident of yourself:-
Being confident of yourself simply means how we think of ourselves and what we believe about ourselves.
You can earn yourself more respect from your husband if you boost your image.
Know your likes and dislikes; they’re the things that make you.
A psychologist Neel Urton, advice that writing down the lists of your achievements, strengths and all the things you cherish, and review them daily.
Also, spend quality time improving yourself instead of only feigning for your husband’s needs example take some exercises, attend seminars, it will help to improve yourself.
(4) Show some respects too:-
What you give is what you get. If you respect your husband, your husband will also respect you. Remember respect is earned.
Even when you think he is a jerk, the best way you can make him change is not to disrespect him, but to treat him as a VIP.
Nancy C. Anderson used the same formula to gain more respect from her husband. In her article “Respect your husband”, (even if you don’t think he deserves it).
she said that always pointing out your husband’s faults, failures as well as punishing him for not meeting your needs will only drive him from you”.
You can only even respect from him when you behave and change.
(5) Stop feeling guilty:-
It is good to have a good moral and conscience , but not good when you’re overly concerned about how your husband reacts to your assertiveness or suggestions.
Feeling guilty to extent will make you give in always to his commands and requests even when they are infringing your rights and that will take you back to square one.
The way to go about it is just to believe that he will somehow get over the issues at hand especially when the matter is still minor.
(6) Learn to say no when it’s necessary:-
It is important to know how to set good boundaries in your marriage, and having the ability to say “ no” to your spouse when necessary is an important aspect of boundary creation and it begins with understanding what you want and all you don’t want.
In a relationship where one of the partners or both are no given enough space to be heard, resentments, hurts and power tussle usually breeds.
But when you understand boundaries especially how to express your feelings, things becomes much easier for both of you and allow love to thrive.
Example, if what your husband is doing does not suite you or makes you feel loved, say it out to him.
It is better than keeping it to yourself.
(7) Clearly communicate what you want:-
Every husband tries to express their love to their wives by making sure they provide for them.
That is great especially when you have some desires and needs. But when there are great differences in your need, when you prefer your husband to express his love through actions instead of mere expressions, the best thing to do is to let him know exactly what you want and how you to be treated.
Maybe your husband knows how to pamper you, get good gifts for you, but that’s not what you want; just go to him and tell him exactly what makes you happier.
Be so clear about your needs and wants. Remember, if you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else will do.
You partner is not a mind reader, so there is no way he could know what you want, if you don’t clearly state it.
So you really want your husband to respect you? Then these points are so clearly stated and they have been tested and approved you work perfectly in helping you gain more respects and also keep it.
All you got to do now is to get to work, and use those key points. You will see things changing for the best.
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I am still your friend Murphyaik
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