There are so many subtle marriage killers we overlook every day which becomes a big threat later in our relationships.
But, you are very careful
You know quite well that infidelity, lies, money issues, marriage incompatibility are the chief marriage killers and you are careful not to let those come close to you. That’s good.
You are also aware that mutual respect, good communication and good emotional intimacy are the most important things needed to make a marriage work and you are careful to make sure these are in place too.
So why is your marriage going through hard times?
I will tell you.
You see, relationships never fail because one partner or both decided to quit respecting, stopped having sex, lose communication with the partner.
There are so many subtly and highly neglected marriage destroying viruses that’s gradually eating up your marriage.
The funny thing about these silent killers is that, just like virus gently infest and corrupt without symptoms’, so it lies in our relationship for weeks, months, years and suddenly it starts affecting our relationship even before we are aware of it.
No couple prays for these in their marriage, but it keeps occurring.
In this post, you will understand what the subtle marriage killers are, and also how you can bulletproof your relationship from its attack.
15 Subtle marriage killers we over look in our marriage
Bitterness: –Bitterness means the same thing as jealousy, animosity, hostility, harshness and some other parts of harshness and anger which later results to hatred, vindictiveness, inordinate competition. All these are serious marriage destroyers.
One important reason why bitterness is very dangerous is its ability to take root and gradually start to spread and finally contaminate your mind without you knowing.
When you let bitterness grow in your marriage, it will gradually cause you to fault your spouse as well as the Lord.
The root of bitterness can grow to destroy your marriage. That’s why you must not allow it in your marriage for any reason.
Solution: The best solution to bitterness is to replace it with forgiveness and reconciliation. Never sleep with your problems, be ready to settle it immediately.
Pornography:-This is another marriage killer that is so subtle in its attack. People usually see it as very harmless.
Yes they believe the only harmful part of it is when a child starts watching it too.
Pornography also starts from gradually viewing it, until it turns to a big sexual addiction which is one of the biggest and destructive addictions which is hard to break.
Here is some impacts pornography in marriage
1 It brings emotional disconnection
2 Decrease intimacy and affection
3 decrease sexual interaction among couples.
4 Cause masturbation
5 Cause infidelity and cheating.
When the other partner suddenly discovers about the partners addiction to pornography, they feel cheated, deceived and betrayed; and that brings hurt and anger.
Solution:- if you value your marriage, quit watching pornographic material as the Lord himself says that looking at a man or woman lustful is a sin.
Poor communication skills:-In as much as communication is an important aspect of any relationship, poor communication skills can also be a big disaster to relationships.
When a partner thinks that the sole and aim of communication is all about negotiating how to make your partner know your needs, then she/he has no good understanding of what communication is all about.
Bad communication skills can destroy your marriage in a twinkle of an eye, and until you and your partner understands the value and purpose of communication.
You will not know what marriage is all about.
Solution:-Learn how to communicate effectively; find out the communication skills that empowers your marriage and use it, also discard those skills that bring issues.
4 Blame Game:- If you are that type of partner that constantly blames the other, then be aware that you are causing harm to your better half and also destroying your marriage.
Blaming your spouse makes him/her believe you have no trust at all and it
- Reduces intimacy.
- It’s another form of emotional abuse.
Dr Jordan said that “when you are being blamed, chronically for an act you didn’t commit, it’s like being beaten verbally
Blaming is an inappropriate and unproductive form of communication. So if you want success in your marriage, then quit the blame game
Solution:- Quit blaming and focus more on making important improvements on your marriage.
- Comparison:- Do you compare your spouse with the other person? That is absolutely detrimental to your marriage. When you compare your spouse, it shows that you value the other person more than you do your spouse.
It also opens the door for cheating, which may be hard for you to shut and you do not want that I guess.
- Keeping secrets: – Keeping secrets is another marriage breaker people neglect so much.
Carole Lieberman, MD says “In an idea world and marriage, no secrets are okay” she said that even a little secret close a part of a spouse “heart” and also create distance in relationship.
Any relationship that wants to prosper must not keep secret from each other.
7.Familiarity: It is good to know your spouse pretty well.
Of course one of the secrets of John Guttman is to know each other well. However, over familiarity bring a problem in more,
When you think you have known your spouse too well, that can do obnoxious to him/her and get away with it. That includes yelling, ignoring, being ride over, nagging and complaining.
Remember, you must know and understand your spouse but don’t use it against him/her.
- Keeping a list of wrongs:-It has been said that marriage is a relationship of two good forgers. For a relationship to grow and thrive well, you must understand that no one is perfect, even you.
But, if you are good at keeping list of wrongs, then you hurting your marriage big time, because it will make you keep distance from your spouse.
- Sexual frustration:- Sex is one special gift partners owe to each other.
It is God’s given gift to marriage, to bring intimacy, fulfillment and “mutual bonding” to couples.
In some marriages, sex has either become boring, painful, fearful, or even non existing.
Sex should not be taken for granted; the very movement you neglect it, your marriage maybe heading for a big fall.
10 Unable to meet your spouse’s most important emotional need:-There is always an emotional need for everyone.
Those cravings are so important to your spouse that when you meet them, then it becomes a problem.
Therefore to keep your marriage from collapse, look for those needs and meet them, else your spouse will look elsewhere to get what they want.
11 Gossips:-I know what you are thinking now; is there anything like gossip in marriage? Let me answer that with these questions.
How would you describe it when a man complains about his wife to his friends or a woman gripping about her husband to her friends and sometimes to the children?
Some people are good at advertising even their spouses most insignificant fault and making irrelevant comments outside about their spouse.
It is a very bad habit. Have you ever stopped and thing about how your spouse will feel when he/she hears it; compare that to when he/she hears about how you are upholding her.
Everybody wants a happy home, but it doesn’t come on a platter of gold. Take some time to survey your marriage, and see all those loopholes and stitch them on time to prevent future problems that can cost your relationship.
Remember, no one else can help your marriage survive if not you.