11 Subtle Marriage Killers we overlook in Our Marriage

Divorce, marriage killer, seperationThere are so many subtle marriage killers we overlook every day which becomes a big threat later in our relationships.

But, you are very careful

You know quite well that infidelity, lies, money issues, marriage incompatibility are the chief marriage killers and you are careful not to let those come close to you. That’s good.

You are also aware that mutual respect, good communication and good emotional intimacy are the most important things needed to make a marriage work and you are careful to make sure these are in place too.

So why is your marriage going through hard times?

Divorce, seperation, marriage killer I will tell you.

You see, relationships never fail because one partner or both decided to quit respecting, stopped having sex, lose communication with the partner.

There are so many subtly and highly neglected marriage destroying viruses that’s gradually eating up your marriage.

The funny thing about these silent killers is that, just like virus gently infest and corrupt without symptoms’, so it lies in our relationship for weeks, months, years and suddenly it starts affecting our relationship even before we are aware of it.

No couple prays for these in their marriage, but it keeps occurring.

In this post, you will understand what the subtle marriage killers are, and also how you can bulletproof your relationship from its attack.

 

15 Subtle marriage killers we over look in our marriage

Bitterness: –Bitterness means the same thing as jealousy, animosity, hostility, harshness and some other parts of harshness and anger which later results to hatred, vindictiveness, inordinate competition. All these are serious marriage destroyers.

One important reason why bitterness is very dangerous is its ability to take root and gradually start to spread and finally contaminate your mind without you knowing.

When you let bitterness grow in your marriage, it will gradually cause you to fault your spouse as well as the Lord.

The root of bitterness can grow to destroy your marriage. That’s why you must not allow it in your marriage for any reason.

Solution: The best solution to bitterness is to replace it with forgiveness and reconciliation. Never sleep with your problems, be ready to settle it immediately.

Pornography:-This  is another marriage killer that is so subtle in its attack. People usually see it as very harmless.

Yes they believe the only harmful part of it is when a child starts watching it too.

Pornography also starts from gradually viewing it, until it turns to a big sexual addiction which is one of the biggest and destructive addictions which is hard to break.

Here is some impacts pornography in marriage

1 It brings emotional disconnection

2 Decrease intimacy and affection

3 decrease sexual interaction among couples.

4 Cause masturbation

5 Cause infidelity and cheating.

When the other partner suddenly discovers about the partners addiction to pornography, they feel cheated, deceived and betrayed; and that brings hurt and anger.

Solution:-  if you value your marriage, quit watching pornographic material as the Lord himself says that looking at a man or woman lustful is a sin.

poor communication skill, marriage killers,divorcePoor communication skills:-In as much as communication is an important aspect of any relationship, poor communication skills can also be a big disaster to relationships.

When a partner thinks that the sole and aim of communication is all about negotiating how to make  your partner know your needs, then she/he has no good understanding of what communication is all about.

Bad communication skills can destroy your marriage in a twinkle of an eye, and until you and your partner understands the value and purpose of communication.

You will not know what marriage is all about.

Solution:-Learn how to communicate effectively; find out the communication skills that empowers your marriage and use it, also discard those skills that bring issues.

divorce,seperation,marriage killers4 Blame Game:- If you are that type of partner that constantly blames the other, then be aware that you are causing harm to your better half and also destroying your marriage.

Blaming your spouse makes him/her believe you have no trust at all and it

  1. Reduces intimacy.
  2. It’s another form of emotional abuse.

Dr Jordan said that “when you are being blamed, chronically for an act you didn’t commit, it’s like being beaten verbally

Blaming is an inappropriate and unproductive form of communication. So if you want success in your marriage, then quit the blame game

Solution:- Quit blaming and focus more on making important improvements on your marriage.

  1. Comparison:- Do you compare your spouse with the other person? That is absolutely detrimental to your marriage. When you compare your spouse, it shows that you value the other person more than you do your spouse.

It also opens the door for cheating, which may be hard for you to shut and you do not want that I guess.

  1. Keeping secrets: – Keeping secrets is another marriage breaker people neglect so much.

Carole Lieberman, MD says “In an idea world and marriage, no secrets are okay” she said that even a little secret close a part of a spouse “heart” and also create distance in relationship.

Any relationship that wants to prosper must not keep secret from each other.

7.Familiarity: It is good to know your spouse pretty well.

Of course one of the secrets of John Guttman is to know each other well. However, over familiarity bring a problem in more,

When you think you have known your spouse too well, that can do obnoxious to him/her and get away with it. That includes yelling, ignoring, being ride over, nagging and complaining.

Remember, you must know and understand your spouse but don’t use it against him/her.

  1. Keeping a list of wrongs:-It has been said that marriage is a relationship of two good forgers. For a relationship to grow and thrive well, you must understand that no one is perfect, even you.

But, if you are good at keeping list of wrongs, then you hurting your marriage big time, because it will make you keep distance from your spouse.

  1. Sexual frustration:- Sex is one special gift partners owe to each other.

It is God’s given gift to marriage, to bring intimacy, fulfillment and “mutual bonding” to couples.

In some marriages, sex has either become boring, painful, fearful, or even non existing.

Sex should not be taken for granted; the very movement you neglect it, your marriage maybe heading for a big fall.

10 Unable to meet your spouse’s most important emotional need:-There is always an emotional need for everyone.

Those cravings are so important to your spouse that when you meet them, then it becomes a problem.

Therefore to keep your marriage from collapse, look for those needs and meet them, else your spouse will look elsewhere to get what they want.

love,divorce,seperation, marriage killers11 Gossips:-I know what you are thinking now; is there anything like gossip in marriage? Let me answer that with these questions.

How would you describe it when a man complains about his wife to his friends or a woman gripping about her husband to her friends and sometimes to the children?

Some people are good at advertising even their spouses most insignificant fault and making irrelevant comments outside about their spouse.

It is a very bad habit. Have you ever stopped and thing about how your spouse will feel when he/she hears it; compare that to when he/she hears about how you are upholding her.

Final thought:-

Everybody wants a happy home, but it doesn’t come on a platter of gold. Take some time to survey your marriage, and see all those loopholes and stitch them on time to prevent future problems that can cost your relationship.

Remember, no one else can help your marriage survive if not you.

 

9 lively life-styles of a happy husband and wife

happy couples,happiness in marriageNo couple is created to be happier than the other, and yet all the couples are not created equal.

If you are having a strong and happy marriage today, then you will agree with me that there is nothing like luck, when it comes to having a happy marriage.

The truth is that “happy marriage don’t just happen”, you have to work hard to make it happen.

The couples that have a peaceful marriage always look for a way to make their marriage happier and also to improve their commitment to their marriage.

They see things from a different perspective than the unhappy couples.

 

In this post, I will show you some situations where the happy couples differentiate themselves from the unhappy ones as well as how you can start today to see things the same way they do.

happy couples,happy home  9 Lively life-style of happy couples

If you are ready to know, then let’s get started.

1They keep the friendship aspect of their marriage strong:- A research by Bill Hanawalt, a pastor of the Vineyard Christian Church of Evanston says that marriage without friendship will never work.

Friendship in marriage means honesty, companionship, mutual respect, and vulnerability. It is when we are doing things together that friendship comes; says C S Lewis.

This is the reason couples must not play with the friendship they share together. There is need to nurture friendship daily in your marriage, else your marriage will not stand the test of time.

Some couples have left their career, children and work affect their emotional connection which affected their friendship and create a vent for infidelity.

However, The happily married couples are very careful about their friendship, and that is what helps them grow thick.

2 They pray together:- You will be so shocked to find out that many Christian couples don’t have time to pray together ( sometimes the only time they remember to do that is when someone inspires them to do so, or when they are having a meal).

But the bible said “The family that prays together stays together” This is true because prayer

(a) Brings you and your spouse to the presence of God. When you and your spouse kneel and with your heads bowed in His presence of God which shows reverence to God as whom He created in His image. Whenever we render worship to Him, we show openness to Him and to our spouse as well.

(b) It helps to unite us:- As you hold your spouse hand, you are demonstrating unity with him/her. Therefore, praying together with your spouse creates spiritual unity among you

(c) It removes selfishness:- Sometimes when you pray alone, you concentrate on yourself only, but when you pray together, you see the need to pray for your spouse also.

All these show that praying together matters very much than anything to couples and so if you have not been praying together, start now.

Learn to pray over each other, encourage one another and also share your success, needs and disappointments

love, romantic dates(3)They know how to create caring moments:-The happy couples are also faced with the same problems faced by the other couple, but instead they let their challenges bring them down, they create an atmosphere that gives them edge over their circumstances.

They spend time to laugh away their problems and create happy memories.

It is very easy to allow boredom or busyness takes over your marriage. However, you can find time to take a walk together, go for a date or relax in your home together with the electronics gadgets off, as you share your dreams, your couple’s goal as well as your individual goals. Also learn to recall all the great memories from the day you started dating.

(4) They never turn away from each other:-They stay with each other when he/she is passing through a challenge.

 

(5) They are always grateful for what they have:- They are aware that having a good wife and a caring husband is not easy, so they value each other, and are always grateful to God for bringing them together in the fight place.

Learn to show some appreciation to your spouse on the daily basis, and never forget ho hold his/her and say “Thank God for making me marry you”.

(6) Love genuinely: – It is easy to say you love someone; everyone can say that, but is it coming from your heart.

Since marriage is a life –time commitment, it is important you like your spouse very much.

There are times when you’ll detest what your spouse does; there are times when you’ll feel like killing him/her or even to thrown in the towel.

But when there is a genuine love, it will help to calm the situation. The Bible says “love covers a multitude of sin” and loving your spouse means that no matter what he/she does, I will forgive and move on because I can’t stand losing the love of my life.

couples,happy husband and wife(7) Work as a team:- The marriage arithmetic says that 1+1 =1; that simply means that a man and woman becomes one the moment they married.

Therefore, to have a successful marriage, you must continue to work as a team.

Nothing can give you confidence than when you know that your spouse is right there behind you at all times and that he always on the lookout for how to make you feel loved.

(8) They appreciate each other:- That simple word “thank you” should always be in your mouth always, because everyone feels better when they are respected and appreciated.

Every day, your spouse does so many things like making the dinner, working overnight just make thing easier for all of you; but, do not overlook those little things. Always find a way and show some appreciation.

If you have not been noticing them, it is not late; you can start today.

Truth is that the more you say thanks to what the universe offers you, the more you receive those kinds of things.

(9) They have romantic times together:-with so many things that are set to swallow your time daily, it may be very easy to forget to obsessive “the couple’s time”.

Romantic time is different from the normal time you spend together.

This is a time when you plan to connect with your spouse romantically and it helps to keep the fire of marriage red-hot.

An adage says “A grass becomes greener when you water it always.

If you want to want to know how to spend quality time together with your spouse, then this article will help you.

Remember all these will help your marriage a happy one.

happy wife,good husbandConclusion:-The happy couple didn’t fall from heaven; they only have a lifestyle that made then unique.

You too can make your marriage better by changing your lifestyle. The points I listed here will always help you when you try them out.

 

7 types of men perfect for marriage

a good husband, marriage,looking for a husbandI don’t know about you, but one thing I know pretty well is that every single girl’s desire is to have a good man as a husband.

 
Someone who will be perfect for her, someone who will be there always when he is needed, the type of man who will make her feel secured and loved.

 
However, you will agree with me that those types of men is not so easy to come across, you can’t get them by mere wishing or believing; you have to open your eyes wide in other to recognize them when they cross your part.

 
As relationship instructor, I have come across a lot of good husbands and the wives who cherish them so much.

 
One thing I have never stopped doing is to get closer to their wives and ask two of these important questions which is.

 
1 why did you chose this man as a husband?

 
2 What qualities make you love him so much?

 
And with the answers I got from these women, I have composed this article so as to help you make that right choice.

 
If you are still single and wondering how you can get a good man to settle down with, I have good news for you.

 
This article is all you need, because I took time to research, just to give you some guide lines that will help you get the man who will be just perfect for you.

 
These point will open your eyes, and help you stream-line your search for a good husband.

 
If you are ready, then let’s go.

 

7 Types of Men perfect for marriage.
indexA God-fearing man: A God-fearing man is someone who is God minded whenever he wants to do anything.

 
He respects others, he loves to extend godliness, and he can hardly be offended and forgives easily too.

 
In his mind, he always believe that he is accountable to someone superior to him for every of his actions.

 
But, I did say that marrying a God-fearing man will make your marriage free from challenges, no, there will always be disagreements and quarrels.

 
The good thing is that he knows how to keep going forward, even when there is trouble, because he has faith in his foundation, which is the Christ.

 
Those are the qualities that make a man a hot cake to every woman.

 
A good provider: this is the type of man who makes his family a priority. His wish is always about what to do next to make sure his family is not starved.

 
He wouldn’t mind to do two or three different types of jobs in other to provide those needs and will always struggle to make more money not just for himself, but for the well-being of his family.

 
He is not self-centered, that’s why he is ready to give up those over time if he thinks he is missing time with his family.
He pursues perfection in his family and business life and knows how to balance both work and family.

 
index1A perfect thinker: – This is that type of man who doesn’t wallow in his failures.

 
Sure they make mistakes, they spill the beans some times, but immediately you see them thinking and looking for the easiest ways to get things right again.

 
He is not afraid to see any problem, because he always has a road map of ample of solutions to the problems.
He knows how best to get through any matter that arises in their live.

 
A self-controlled man: – Proverbs 25: 28, a man without self-control is like a city broken and left without walls.
Self –control is an important part of a man’s maturity. The Webster dictionary describes self-control as a restraint exercises over one’s emotions or desire.

 
A self-controlled man is the type that will say no to what other men are rushing at; because he is sure it will not be of benefit to him.

 
He controls the way he talks and acts, he is the type that will not abuse his wife.

 
He masters his mood, knows how to manage his money and health. What usually matters to his is how to accomplish more and enjoy his achievements.

 
Is that the type of man you want?
good man,husband wifePositive attitude man:-Attitude is a serious thing when it comes to a relationship. You need a man who will be a rock to you, who will be the strength you need when you are in your weakest moment.

 
He is not at all isolated from having problems and frustrations; however, he knows how to handle it.

 
To him, problems mean just stepping stone for greater success.
That type of man will not want to see you shed tears, because he is always there to comfort you. With great advice that will lift burdens from your heart.

 
Respectful man:respect is important in every relationship; Since they said that respect is reciprocal, you will prefer to have the type of man who will return the respects you give him also.
In his book “Love and respect,” Dr Emerson wrote extensively about the loving role of a man and the respectful role of a woman.

 
But, there is a misconception about the whole issue; the truth is that the same way a man need respect, women also needs to be reciprocated.

 
The respectful husband knows how to talk to his wife without shouting even when there is need to shout and always look for a way to know his wife better and also keep his promises.

 
That is the type of man you will love to marry, isn’t it?
A selfless man:selfishness destroys a relationship. A selfish husband thinks about himself only, takes care of himself and gathers so much for himself, but gives nothing or little to the spouse.

 
But a selfless man will place his priority in meeting your needs and your family needs.

 
happy wife,good husbandRounding up:-

 

Marriage is a not a day, month, or one year relationship. It is a life commitment and so needs carefulness when choosing the partner to share it with.

 
Granted, I have giving you some quick tips to help you narrow your search.

 
Now it is all left with you to work with the points I have listed and see the progress you’ll record in a space of time.

 

Bonus read. You can also read these

1 How to be the best husband.

 

What type of husband/Father are you

good father and husband, husband loveEvery woman’s dream is to get married someday. However, their wish is not to get married to any type of men, but to get to a good man.

They need someone who can be perfect for her, someone who can usher her into that magical dream “world” that is full of love.

It is true that no one is extremely perfect, but one can at least try to have some qualities that every good man possesses.

Today, I am putting out this question to you:

 

What type of husband/ father are you?

 

  • bad father,love your children,hate your wifeAre you the type of husband/father that loves the wife and the children? Or hate the wife and love the children?:- Ephesians 5: 25, God instructs husband’s to love their wives.

But some men have not listened to that command from God; they have thrown away the love they had for their wives and put all the love only on the children.

A man I know too well told me some time ago that he doesn’t love the wife anymore, but the children.

Did you remember that your wife was there before the children came? Did you remember that without your wife your children will not be?.

Your children will grow up some day and leave your house, they are not destined to live with you (in marriage).

When they leave, it will be just you and your wife for the “woven of years”

Therefore love your wife and take care of your children, so that you will fulfill the word of God.

  • Are you supportive or against your wife:-A good man makes her wife stand tall in everything. They are always there to support the wife in everything in all their good endeavors.

When she wants to take a piano lesson, or take a stroll with her friends, you are there for her.

A man’s support makes her wife feel secure and give her the energy to take “calculative risks”.

When a woman is not supported by the husband, she feels inferior whenever she sees other women that get support from their husband,

Also remember that she will never be happy to know that she stands alone in everything and when mama is not happy, no one else is happy.

  • help wife in the kitchen,supportive husband,house choresThe type of husband that help the wife in the domestic chores:-I wrote an article some time ago, asking men to help out in the domestic chore; but I got some negative reactions.

 

All the men are saying that their wives will use them as maid if they do so.

But it is really good to help your wife do some chores especially when you see that she is busy with other things.
Remember, she is also a human being, and gets tired like every other person.

 

  • The type of husband/father that empowers or criticize the wife:- When you criticize your wife constructively, it will not hurt her, but if you are the type that goes beyond the constructive type of criticism, then you should be classified as a bad hubby.

criticism destroys someone’s life. You may think you are helping her when you do so, but something else is happening inside her,

It can make your wife to hide things from you, seek for validations outside and even start resenting secretly.

But when you encourage your wife, she becomes open to you and she will always seek for a way to make you and your marriage happier.

  • devoted husband,happy wife,The type of man that is devoted to his family:-
  • A devote husband is the one that shares his deepest thought with his wife, love to spent time with her, pays attention to those little things that matters, and gives emotional supports to the wife.

The man that is not devoted abuses and destroys the peace and joy the marriage.

So choose to be the devoted type.

  • The husband/ father that takes care of his wife and family needs:-It is the duty of a husband to see that the needs of his wife and the children are met, although women can support too if they work also.

But when a man refuses to see that the responsibilities of his family rest on his shoulders, then he is not a good husband.

  • The husband/father that keeps his wife and marriage first above everything or neglect the family:-God commanded the men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

There is no other higher calling that.

Marriage is different from any other “roll” we fill and also different from the type of jobs we do.

God elevated marriage higher, more than every other thing. Simply put, let all you think be how you can please God and fulfill his commandments concerning your marriage, and it starts from making your marriage a priority.

  • The type of husband that thinks marriage is a contract and not a commitment:-Some men thing that marriage is a contract where they get exactly what they invested inside.

Did you think that you must get the same amount of love, the same amount of care, the same amount of support before you do your best for your marriage? Then you are making a very big mistake.

For marriage to be successful, you must think of how to get committed to making it work. You must make some special personal sacrifices, because all you want is to have the best marriage and be the best husband.

  • The type of spouse that doesn’t plan things with the wife:-The couples that makes their marriage successful is the once that work as a team.

They understand the affirmation that “two heads are better than one” some couple has gone out of sync and now works against one another.

But understand that the couples that work as a steam accomplish so many things in life.

You may think you can accomplish that task without telling your wife, but things can be a little much better if you had planned with her.

Allow her to share her opinion concerning that task and choose the best from her advice.

  • The type of spouse that abuse the wife and provoke the children:-Do you abuse your wife physically, emotionally or verbally?

In any way you do that, just know that you are an abusive husband and you are overly killing your wife and your marriage.

It is important that you quite the life style so things will start working well again in your relationship.

  • love your wife,build boundariesThe man/husband that is not careful how he deals with the opposite sex:-One of the things women detests is to see that they have rivals and your wife feels the same too.

How do you relate with that your neighbor, that co worker that is not the same-sex with you?

You may take her just like your friend, but your wife may feel she is your lover and you know what that means,

So if you have been too close to that lady in your office, or your neighbor, you may be killing your marriage without knowing it.

 

Rounding up:- If is important you read this post very well to know which category of a husband/ a father you are.

But, the most important is to make amend and become the best you can be; that is the only criteria to make your marriage a happy one.

If you are encouraged by this write up, please feel free to share it with your friends using the “LINKS” below.

I am still your friend murphyaik.

See you always at the top.

7 quick wins to get your spouse talking to you again

happy marriage, communication styles, husband and wife talking, settling disputesOne of the questions I get from my subscribers is this “I had a quarrel/ fight with my spouse and he has not been talking to me all the while- What should I do?’

If you are among those that asked that question and you’ve been wishing to get your spouse talk to you again or listen to you after you had a little argument, then this post is specially written to help you get him talking again.

Some times in every marriage, there tend to be a time where couples quarrel and even fight each other. Unfortunately that’s inevitable in every relationship.

But that doesn’t mean the marriage has failed, and I don’t think it is peculiar to your marriage either.

It is normal
It is sincerely a normal and healthy thing when couples disagree or argue in so many things.
Remember both of you are two different people, from different families and sometimes different background.

So there is bound to be different opinions also. However, one thing you should know is that the way you act after the whole heated moments is what matters the most in making your marriage survive.

Probably, you realized he/she doesn’t want to talk to you again and you are thinking of how to get him to talk.

I have written some quick win steps that will help you do that.

Here is how!

communication in marriage, settling issues

How to make your husband talk to you again after a little fight

1 Take time to ponder on why the fight happened:- This is a very important thing to do, if your plan is to make peace and calm the situation.

Fights usually come when there is a misunderstanding or when there is an intentional or non intentional mistake.

But, most times people cannot say for sure that this is what brought the fight, and sometimes also the cause of the issue is known, but no one wants to accept the responsibility.

However, the first step in settling the argument is to take responsibility of the cause of the fight; and to do that, you have to ponder over what actually happened to know what your contribution was, that is when you will have the upper hand in settling the disputes.

2 Give your spouse some moments to cool off before talking:- Actually, during the heated moments, anyone can say anything, but once the words or actions has been done, it has to either destroy or save the other person.

After pondering on the reasons why there was a fight, and you found out you have offended your spouse, and now you feel sorry, then going to him/her immediately will be the worst mistake to make.

That will only make him/her to flare up once more.
It is true that you are genuinely sorry of your actions, but the other person needs time too to cool off.

Give him/her that time they needed and then plan well to make your first move.

3 Start with saying sorry, and let it come from your heart:- Saying sorry when you offended your spouse is important, but it is more important when you say it from your heart.

Any time you apologies, to your spouse, he/she is always willing to accept you, especially when he/she believes you are doing that sincerely.

communication in marriage, talking with your spouse

You may think this is easier said than done, or impossible, but that is not the issue. If you truly have taken time and really desire to reconcile with your spouse, what you have to do is to throw away your ago from the whole issues and go to him/her with an open heart.

He must accept it when the emotions and heart reflects in your “demeanor and words.

4 Always lit your face and pass a little smile when you see your spouse coming:- Smile has a way of easing tension even when the situation is severe.

Don’t think am asking you to smile like a lunatic or as if you are posing for a selfie, but just to let you know that you must look natural and humble and never allow negativity overshadow you, just be pleasant with your face lit up and a little smile; you will definitely make your spouse’s heart melt down and feel happy to come to the point of settlement.

5 Offer help without being asked:- There are times when your spouse whom you offended may need help, it maybe your opportunity to initiate a conversation, especially when you are there to give the helping hand he/she needed.

But, here is what you must not do: )
Do not go and create the situation so he/she will resort to your help, you may be caught and dealt with because of that.

Remember, that this is not a Hollywood movie scene.

If the situation didn’t come by itself, then look for other ways to be the help.

So be by his side always, the opportunity may present itself to you.

6 Talk to a professional:- If after the fight you are still finding it hard to see each other eye to eye, it could be that the issues isn’t over in your minds.

In that case, I suggest you to look for a professional (someone who knows how to deal with marital challenges).

Seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor can help you know your feelings and how to work through to achieve your goals.

7 Communicate effectively: – There is no doubt that effective communication isn’t the most important way of settling disputes in a relationship.

But to get on the right track with your spouse, it is imperative to communicate effectively and sincerely about how you feel about the issues and conditions at hand.

You must let your spouse know your stand in the matter.

Over to you:-

I have shared some important points with you now, which I believe will help you achieve your aim which is to get your spouse talking again with you.
The remaining part of the game is left with you to do. So I implore you to try and see how things will change for the better.

If you are encouraged by this article, Please share it using the links bellow