10 powerful check list that clearly shows you how to find a perfect husband.

find a good man for husband, have a happy marriageIf you are looking to settle down someday as a woman, your dream will be to find a good husband.Isn’t it?

 

What if I asked you to paint a picture of what a good and perfect husband looks like to you, what would it be? A tall, handsome, fair in complexion, ETC. Those are good.

 

But if I could give you a list of other things you could use as a check list, to identify that type of man that you have always dreamed of; would it be a waste of time? I guess not.

 

The fact is that whenever you make up your mind to search for that Mr. Right, it is always good to paint the picture in your mind eyes.

 

To make the painting easier for you, I have listed some of the qualities as check list for your search.

 

And here they are. : )

But here is one important thing: you must get yourself ready in other to attract that right guy in your life first; because guys don’t marry any type of girl; they look for that girl that is a wife material and possess all these characters listed below.

  • Cool and always relaxed: Men don’t like it when a girl is possessive, controlling or moody; they care for a more relaxed and respectful girl.Be genuine and real. He will feel more relaxed with you when he noticed that you are not feigning who or what you are not.

 

  • Have a life: Build a life for yourself. Have goals and pursue them, work on your passions, just try and make your life interesting. Even if you have a low esteem, try and boost it up, love and trust yourself. If you can’t trust yourself, you will find it hard to trust anyone and people will not trust you also.

 

 

  • Have respect for yourself: Know what you want and never go against your wish just because want to keep a guy. Never feel uncomfortable when you want to say yes or not. You should be able to respect yourself so your man will respect you too.

 

  • Be yourself:It is obvious you will want to impress your dream man, and you may want to be someone else just to win his love. Now tell me how far you will live someone else life. Men like someone who is proud of who she is, so be yourself.

 

If you put all these in place, then this is the right time to go searching for him and here is what you will look for.

 

  • Look for someone that is devoted to God:There is nothing that can be compared to a man whose life is devoted to God.

The Bible described him well in Psalm 1: 1 – 3.

Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of the sinner, nor sit in the seat of the scornful.

  1. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in the law doth he meditate day and night.
  2. And he shall be like the tree planted by the rivers of water, that bring forth his fruit in his season, his leaf shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

This is a perfect description of the type man every woman must dream of; the type of man that can provide for his family

The man that will prosper in everything he puts his hand in.

 

  • Look for a gentle man: A perfect guy must be such that is considerate, give attention to his woman, is polite.

A good man must understand that the way he looks, behaves and the way he communicates with others must bring values and great insights to others as regard to his characters.

 

He knows that the strength he possesses was not acquired from a gym, but rather his true strength   is demonstrated through the character he exhibits.

Here are few traits of a gentle man.

  • He is not selfish with his time, resources and wisdom; he is interested in extending hand to others through service.
  • He devotes himself to learning and always gives room for change.
  • He knows what is appropriate to do at any given time: he can easily navigate through many social as well as professional settings without difficulties.
  • He is always confident.
  • He knows the way to communicate properly with other people that come close to him.

Just imagine from all these description what your marriage will look like if you are able to locate this type of man as a husband.

 

  • Look for a man with integrity:A man of integrity is that person people can trust. They trust that he will do whatever he says. His partner believes him when he said he is working late.

He is promoted in his work because they believe and trust he is perfectly fits for the position. Anybody that comes around him will not fear, but will be confident.

 

A man with integrity is the kind of man you can fully rely on, because you are sure he will always be on your side whenever you need him.

 

These men sometimes will want to make sure you qualify for their respect before they give it to you, because they will not want to compromise their statues.

 

  • Look for an honest man:Who is an honest man? How can you know one if you see him?

An honest man is that man you can depend on any word he says. Honesty is one of the most important ingredients of any successful marriage.

 

How would you feel if you marry that man who will always be open to you about his feelings, someone who will admit it when he is wrong or right and he is all ready to tell you whatever you want to know without hiding anything? You will love that right.

 

  • Look for a hardworking man: You must look for that guy that is hard working so you can enjoy your marriage. Always have the future in your mind when you are making decisions; think about marrying non- hard working man and in the future instead of being happy, you are struggling with life again.

 

I didn’t say rich guy; he may not be rich at the moment, but you know that he is active and can go beyond just to get that his dreams come true.

That is the type of guy that is worth living with.

 

  • Look for a man that is physically active: If a man is physically active, he also be attractive both physically and also active sexually.

 

Though you may not see the reason now, however, when the time comes you must know why you should go for a physically active man. Let me give you a little reason why; physically active men have a strong drive sexually.

 

Generally, men are more sexually active in their earlier age, now think about when he is not active physically; the tendency is that your sex life may be terrible. So look for such active guy.

 

  • Look for a guy with good personality: Every one of us have a personal definition of personality, but I think everyone will be comfortable to stay with the guy that have a good sense of humor and will be able to laugh if there is a need for that, he is the talking type and friendly.

The type of guy that will appreciate every little thing you do, polite and respectful.

 

  • Look for that man you can trust: Trust is one thing that indispensable in every relationship in general and marriage in particular. It is a sordid thing to be with a guy that can never trust you in anything at all.

How would you want to be with that guy who will call you many times when you are out; not because he wants to inquire of your well-being, but because he wants to make sure you are where you said you were going to.

 

That type of man that will think you are cheating on him just because you did not pick up   his calls on time is not worth living your life time with so look for that confident man.

 

  • Look for the more matured man: Marriage is for the people that are matured physically and in the mind, people who are matured well enough to handle the affairs of the marriage.

Marriage is a very delicate institution that requires care and nurturing. It takes the more matured man to know what to do at a point in time.

 

He must be matured enough to understand your feelings, your need and to tell you when he is happy and when he is not. Matured to ask you for a day out and be ready to respect you at those moments you are together.

 

His emoti0nal maturity is important as well; at least form the way he responds to stress and frustrations you should be able to know if they overwhelm him or he is in charge always.

 

  • Finally look for the man that will be available always: Do you know that someone could be single and yet not available? He may either still be holding ties with the else, or consumed with work or even prefer to pally with friend more than being there for any other person.

Although this may be hard for you to figure out in the beginning, but I thing you can ask him. Just build up courage to do that.

 

 

Knowing this early will prevent regrets in the future.

 

Rounding up:

They said that love is blind, but I think you must open your eyes wide when you are looking for the guy to marriage.

 

Remember, marriage is not for one day, one week, one month or one year; it is for a life time so I think you must have a plan for how your marriage will be. That starts from your choice of husband.

 

If you chose well, you will live to enjoy; but if you chose right, it is an ending joy. So tell me which would you chose.

 

It is absolutely up to you.

If the article is interesting to you, please share it with your friends and remember to download my free E Book

 

17 Brilliant happy couple’s habit you must copy.

Happy couples habit, happiness in marriage, happymarriagebuilder,happy,loveIf you really want a successful marriage, then looking at these 17 happy couple’s habits I listed in this article could be all you needed to achieve that.

 
One thing about marriage YOU must understand is that if you don’t take daily steps to make it works, you will suddenly see it crumbling.

 
That is why it is imperative that as you are studying about the thing you will do to make your relationship better, you must also look at your marriage, and think of the things or habits you will adopt, or remove to make it much better.

 
In this article you will clearly see some tested and approved happy couple’s habits you will adopt in your marriage too.

 
But who exactly is this happy couple? Are there couples that are created to be happier than the other? And why must you copy other people to make your own marriage strong?
The fact still remains that; no marriage is created to be happier, stronger or even perfect. However, there is always the couple that looks as if they have it all. These couple still looks at each other and feel those sparks.

 
They feel happy together: the only things that matters to them is just the two of them.

 
It didn’t just start; over time in their marriage, they have developed some habit, and those habits are the things that differentiated them from the other couples.

 
Today we are going to look at those habits and how you should inculcate them into your own marriage to make the difference too.

 

 

17 happy couple’s habit every partner must adopt.

communication, happymarriagebuilder, happy couples(1) They know communication to be the key:

 

 

Communication has the power to build or destroy a marriage and the happy couples know this.

 
They also know communication to be a hard but an essential recipe for a successful marriage, and they chose to do everything to build it.

 
In marriage, the couples that understand how to communicate openly and freely are the ones that have a fulfilled relationship. In the other if you and your partner do not have an effective communication; you are likely to have frustrations and resentments.

 
One important aspect of a successful marriage is communication and not just that, but an effective communication.

 
With that, you could bring great joy to you spouses heart and also build your relationship to the height that you can’t imagine.

 
To communicate effectively with your spouse, you must know

 
– Those communication behaviors that add values to your marriage.

 
– Identify those communication behaviors that can improve and yield happiness in your relationship.

 
– Identify the communication behaviors that brings obstacles instead of building your marriage

 
– Implement communication techniques and tools that will enhance your marriage.

 
– Improve your ability to understand and manage every massage.

 
I have covered everything you need to know about communication in marriage here. So you can read that up.
couples argument, love, joy(2) Happy couples know that as human beings, mistakes and arguments are inevitable:

 
Nobody is perfect. In fact no marriage is 100% perfect. It takes courage and ability to move on in marriage. The happy couple knows these too well and they also understand the difference between having an argument as well as having a fight.

 
Arguments are essential for the growth of a marriage; what makes the difference between the happy couple and the unhappy when it comes to argument is just the method of dealing with their conflicts.

 
Happy couples understand that talking and settling their disputes is better that blaming anyone about it.

 
Gottman, a famous marriage therapist identifies four things to be the main cause of couples disconnection, isolation, and being distant from each other; and criticism was the first in the list.

 
Think about the level of communication in your marriage; if it is not good enough, then you must try and work on it.

 

happy, happiness, marriage,happymarriagebuilder(3) They understand that happy relationships takes work:

 
A perfect marriage isn’t all that sunshine and rosy all the time. It takes proper work to make a relationship worthwhile. Happy couples understand that sometimes, they could be annoyed, disappoint and frustrate with each other.

 
No one is above mistakes and remember that your partner is just a human being. It is left for you to get past those things, and communicate honestly with your spouse, that is the only way you can get a fulfilling marriage.

 

 

The happy couples passed through these trial times; but they inspire each other and work themselves through those trial moments.

 
Just devote yourselves to nurturing your own marriage. It may take a little time, but it will surely pay off in the end.

 
(4) Supporting each other:-

 
Another happy couple’s habit that is worth emulating is their ability to support each other. They understand that come what may that their spouse is there for them.

 

 
They give supports to each other when they are pursuing their dreams and aspirations and as well believe in the ability of their partner.

 
At times when it looks as if you are a crossroad, they never leave each other to face the music alone, the other partner remains their behind the other sharing up and encouraging the other.

 
Nothing will give your spouse courage than realizing that you are fully at the back and sharing him or her up.

 
If you have not been supportive to your spouse, today is the day to start. I will do wonders to your marriage.

 
This differentiates them from the other couples who will desert the other when things get hard.
work together, love, happymarriagebuilder,marriage(5) They know each other pretty well:

 
The happy couple know each other very well that they would tell what each of them could be doing at a point in time even when they are not close with each other.

 
There is this couple I know that will be doing things simultaneously when they are not closer.

 
If the husband is somewhere eating big mac in MacDonald, they wife must be somewhere eating the same thing at the same time.

 
These couples have known each other that they know what each of them could be at a moment. Isn’t that wonderful? Won’t you want your marriage to work like that?

 
(6) They share realistic expectations
Relationship is very much different from what you see in a movie. It can only happen when to people have value for each other, and both of them are willing to make some sacrifices in other to make their marriage worthwhile.

 
They devote much time in their relationship, because they know that every day will not be for joy and romance.

 
(7) They understand that each relationship is unique:
Because the happy couples understand that each marriage is unique, they never try to compare their marriage with other people. Every partner has their personal habit, “love rule” as well as arguments.

 
If you will be smart enough to discover what makes you and your spouse unique, and then concentrate of doing it. That is when your marriage will stand firm.

 
(8) They love and respect each other:
Another unique happy couple’s habit that is worth copying is their ability to show great love and respect for each other.
In the Bible, it was recorded that even at the age of 80, Sarah still calls Abram my Lord. That is a pure sign of respect.

 
It is important you love and respect your spouse, so that your spouse will love you in return; because love and respect is reciprocal.

 

 

(9) They know each others love language:
The way your mum cheered up when you did anything, may not be the way your spouse will react when you do the same thing. We have different love and values.

 
Most time the things that makes each couple feel loved varies and if partners didn’t recognize them on time, it may be causing troubles.

 
If you are not sure of your partners love language, it may be better if you ask. You may not be vigilant enough when your partner was letting you know them,; now it is your work to find it out.

 
Just go ahead and ask about the things you did that have triggered love, he or she will be very eager to tell you.
Everyone wants to be treated with love.

 
(10) They reassure each other:
Everybody needs to be reassured from time to time. Give it always and never wait for the other to need before giving.

 

 

Always let him or her know how you feel about having him/her.
Let your other half feel safe and relaxed and secure in your relationship. Let ‘ I love you” be a poem in your mouth.

 
Nothing will make your spouse feel secure than hearing those words. So let it pop up every minute even without planning it.
It is one of the secrets of those happy couples you see.

 
happiness,happymarriagebuilder,happiness in marriage(11) They hug and kiss each other at least 30 seconds everyday:
Yes, I prescribe 30 seconds because I know it is enough to push out the cuddle hormone called oxytocin which is responsible for those feeling that is relevant for the success of your marriage.

 
So in the morning, before you go out give the 30 second hug, and when you come back again in the evening. Let it not be less than 30 seconds and not more than that.

 
When you continue it that way, you will find out that you can quickly get in the mood without planning it.

 
However, since this prescription works like magic, it will not be good if you stop doing it for some time. Your partner may feel that you don’t care anymore.

 
(12) They know how to deal with their conflicts:
The difference between the happy couples and the non-happy couple is the way they deal with their conflicts.

 
It inevitable to disagree in a relationship, but it is also good when you disagree skillfully.

 
One technique the happy couples adopts during their disagreement is the choice of word, they use more “plural pronouns”like (us, ours, we) instead of the “singular pronoun” like (me, I, and mine) and this to not to feel stressed after the whole argument.

 
It is essential not to shout, yell or use those hurtful words that cannot be easily taken back during those heated moments.
Remember, actions can easily be forgotten, but words are there forever. Never be obstinate, it may be just nice if you compromise in certain things. Remember you want to make your marriage work.

 
(13) They live with full integrity:
They trust each other so much and know their spouse will not take them for granted because of that. It is impertinent to live daily with fairness reliability and integrity.

 

 

(14) Happy couples have positive mentality regarding each other:
A research by a marriage researcher Gottman PhD. proved that happy couples marriage are usually characterized by some emotional traits like affection, respect, and empathy, and they are usually mindful of each others feeling.

 
They see their challenging moments as another opportunity to grow their marriage. And that each of them is responsible for their growth.

 
This is what makes them different for those guys who have separated or that are still in the process of separation.
Those divorced couple never has any positive remark or feelings as regards to their marriage.

 
(15) They are committed to their marriage:
For a marriage to thrive well, the two people involve has to be committed in making it so. The happy couples understood this very well, that is why they do everything to make their marriage stand out.

 
-They commit their time.
-They commit their money
– They commit their health also,just because it matters to them.
quality time,happy couples(16) They spend quality time with each other:
Spending quality time together is one of the habits of a happy couple that gives them an edge over every circumstance that will come in the future.

 

 
These are moments they devote to discussing thing that matters to their marriage. They take time to share their pains, their joy, their mistakes, and their weaknesses.

 
To build a bond in marriage takes time and effort, it starts from sharing quality time together. It is true we are very busy people that at times 24 hours becomes small for us to achieve all we want; still you it is possible to find some moments to connect with your partner.

 
Remember it does not matter the amount of time you spent with your spouse. What matters is the quality of time.

 
17 They never have secret: It is not proper to keep secret.

 

Remember it was easy for you while you were still single; now you are married; it is not a business as usually. Every secret kept will someday be known and your partner may not be happy to know you kept such a secret for a long time.

 
Keeping secrets will make you to lie and lie can destroy your marriage. So be open and have no secret.

 
Conclusion: These are exactly some of the happy couple’s habits that make them different form the other couples. You cannot necessarily use all of it, but you can select the ones that can work well in your marriage and start today to apply it.

 
The results may not be seen immediately, but you will surely see changes in record times.

 

 

Bonus Read

7 Rules for a Happy marriage.

What makes a man happy in marriage.

Roles a husband in making his marriage happy.

 

The Marriage Sweeteners: 7 Things that will make any Marriage Sweet

happy marriage, marriage sweetener, happy couples, marital happinessDo you want your marriage sweet again? Now think about the marriage sweeteners that am going to share with you in this article.

 

I am sharing this article because I have seen the difference between a sweet and a biter marriage.

 

And I am so much interested in seeing your own marriage sweet; so you can stop your usual mid night cries. Remember, marriage is made to be enjoyed and not to be endured.

 

If you have been enduring your marriage, this article is all you need. It will streamline your journey, and make you rise up every morning from the other side of the bed.

 

But let me worn you beforehand; This may not work 100% for you as it is working for me, because you may not apply it the way I am doing.

 

Let us dive in immediately. 

 

Before I go on, here are other articles I have on this blog that will be of great help to your marriage.

 

You do not have to climb the highest mountain before you could make your marriage sweet. All you need is to believe that it is possible to make even the moribund marriages live again; and that brings us to the first marriage sweetener, which is…

 

1 Making God the center of your marriage: Mathew 6: 33 “Seek you first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and every other thing shall be added unto you.

 

That simply shows that having God at the center of our marriage will attract more sweetness to the whole marriage; that means there will be balance.

 

Marriage is ordained by God Himself and He also takes delight in it too. Since he is interested in your marriage, why not allow Him to take the lead, why you follow.

 

All will be easier for you if you will only let Him. However if He is not in the center, there will be no balance and its regulations will be lost.

 

Much marriage did not stand the taste of time, simply because the thought they could do it alone.

 

Now, making God the center of your marriage means taking and holding Him by all His words concerning marriage.

 

As a man, God expects you to love your wife; and the woman to be submissive to your husband. Both you and your spouse must pass through God, the passing through is what introduce balance and sweetness to the relationship.

 

Devote yourselves to prayer which is the master key.

  • Always hold the hands of your spouse as you agree on certain needs. Remember whatever two of you agree upon you will have. That means if you want to take over the world, you agree on that and it will happen.
  • Pray for your each: This is one thing most couples forget to do, even as they do their devotions.

Purse for a moment and ponder on how long you prayed for him/her last; it will amaze you that you always forget that.

 

 

If she means so much to you, then you must pray for her calling her name.

 

It is obvious that couples that are godly make great difference. So, start now by submitting to God and everything will change.

 

stock-photo-34164654-roadside-romance2 Understanding: Understanding is another marriage sweetener every couple must know.

 

If you are willing to learn how to understand each other, a new hope and vision will manifest in your relationship and you will be more equipped to work on your marriage and make it a standard one.

 

Try and understand why your spouse thinks do or act the way he or she does. That will make you change your thinking about your spouse.

 

Good understanding starts from clear communication by the couples, which helps them to connect with each other.

 

Creative and effective communication can always enhance relationships and make marriage stronger.

 

Expressing our needs and thoughts as well as listening to others are the main ingredients that help relationships to mature and also make us feel understood.

 

To have a more quality relationship, we must try and understand those wheels that are driving our attitude and other peoples.

 

When we feel angry with someone then it may be because we have need that has not been met, both the most important thing should have been our needs and desires know.

 

When you did not make your needs known there is a tendency that the other person may misinterpret you and become angry too, and this can lead to a protracted misunderstanding.

 

However, when you understand your needs and that of your spouse that will give you a better opportunity to connect with usually trigger his or her actions.

 

It is also good you clearly make your needs and want known to your spouse, so as to get the properly attended to.

 

happy marriage, happiness in marriage, happy couples3 Sharing quality time: The time we spend together as couples adds more strength to the relationship we share.

The more time you share together with your spouse, the more opportunity you’ll have to share a quality experience.

 

Sharing quality time is not about having sex, but it is all about eating together, watching movies together, reading together, discussing about the events of the day, holding hands as you take a walk and doing the house chore together.

 

Of course I understand you will attend to your job, but you can still find some moments for quality connection with your spouse.

 

It does not matter if it is only one minute, a whole day, a whole week or a whole year; it all depends on how committed you are to make it happen.

 

Here are reasons you should make this a priority.

 

  • It will help the two of you to have deeper connection, that will sustain your during the trial moments.
  • It gives you an opportunity to learn and grow together as well as individually.
  • You will have more time to share about your weaknesses and strength.

If you have never given a thought to this, then I implore you try it and watch the impact it will make in your relationship.

 

happiness in marriage, marital blis4 Appreciation: This is another important marriage sweetener if you do it with a sincere and honest heart.

 

Remember how it is when you were dating, you were very detailed whenever you observe anything on your partner like the appearance or his/ her deeds.

 

However, when we get used to the relationship, we tend to forget those praises. Today I implore you to consider making a U turn.

 

It will not be hard if you want to make a change. Mere changing the word I love you in some occasions and telling about the things you love about him or her can do some magic.

 

5 Be cute and neat always:

 

Your spouse married you because you have the qualities he/she wanted, and one of the things that made you attractive was how neat and cute you used to be.

 

Now you are married and you think those things are not important again; it is still important. Make sure you look neat and smell nice whenever you come near your spouse.

 

That will attract him or her to want to hold and caress you, which will make him or her proud of you.

 

Show that you understand that cleanliness is next to Godliness.

 

6 Daily touches:Let me ask you this question now and just be frank to answer it: When was the last time you hugged, kiss and stroke your spouse fore arm?

 

With so many distractions we have in our daily busy lives, so many couples don’t have enough time to do the touching any more

 

For your marriage to be sweet you must develop a good emotional intimacy. That means you must find time to kiss, hold hands, cares. This will bring a powerful sensation to your marriage.

happiness, eouching your spouse,love,joy,peace

 

Researchers have said that the couples who are happier are those who touch themselves more often.

 

If you really want to make improvement in your marriage, then you must make it a point of duty your spouse at least twice a day, when you are going out in the morning and when you come home.

 

Here are few reasons you must not forget that:

 

  • It is fun, so exciting, and will make you feel good
  • It gives you reasons to be close to your spouse one more time.
  • It will make your relationship stronger and happier.
  • When romance is not present in marriage, the marriage becomes just a day to day living.

You see, touching your spouse could be could be one the most fun and the easiest gift you can give in your relationship.

 

Now, if you have not been doing that, start today; at least 20 seconds in the morning and 1hr in the evening.

 

Would you promise me to start today?…

 

You will obviously see the impact it will make in your marriage.

 

7 Go to bed necked: Many people said that it takes more work to make a marriage work. Now, answer these questions if you say that too.

 

  • Is it a big work to hold your spouse?
  • Is it a big work to buy gifts for your spouse?
  • Is it a task to take a walk with your spouse?
  • Is it a task to take your spouse to the moon?

This is the big one. : )

Is it a big task to make sweet love to your spouse?

 

If you answer no to those questions, then you should have seen that marriage is not a big job. All you need is just a little twick, and all is rosy again.

 

I know what is going on in your mind now! So let me make it clear to you.

 

If every other thing is not all that important, then sex is the pivot that carries every other aspects of marriage.

 

Some couples have made sex of no relevance, or a yearly occurrences, or even a when we need a baby thing. That is wrong!

 

Make sure you are on fire at all times, your spouse needs that.

 

And if you think your sex life is boring, you can revive it.

Here is how!

  • Whenever you wake up in the morning, tell your spouse how wonderful it feels is to wake up by his/her side.
  • In the afternoon, send massages to him/her reminding each other how you are missing him/her. That is when you are not close with each other
  • In the evening time, tell your spouse you can’t wait to have him/her by your side.
  • And then when you want to go to be, do that naked.

The atmosphere will be so saturated with love. Don’t you think so?

 

Rounding up:

 

Dear, these are inevitable in marriage. Even if your marriage is at the point of death, these will bring it back to life.

 

However, it is easier than done; but the people that achieve their aims in life are the people that have their mind made to achieve it and I know you want your relationship strong.

 

So go ahead and put all these marriage sweeteners to work, and just let me know when I will come for the celebration.

 

Do feel free to ask any question; remember I am here for you and I make out time to answer any question.

 

If you find this article good, feel free to share it with your friends and Facebook, twitter, or any other social networks.

 

Remember to leave your comment in the comment box.

Download my free E Book here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

16 Seemingly Smart Marriage Advice that areObviously the worst.

hsppymarriagebuilder, happy marriage, couples, husband and wifeLet us settle this once and for all: How many of your plans for your marriage has actually come true?

 

 

Have you ever thought about those dreams you had in your earlier years in life; your dreams to get married to the most wonderful person on this earth, have the most intelligent children that will forever bring joy to your heart and yes to befinancially freedom so you will be able to take proper care of your family.

 

 

Some of them may have worked the way you wanted; but could you be frank enough to tell us the one’s you are still waiting to happen?

 

So many of them, isn’t it?

 

You are not alone; I had the same dream

 

We really want a happy marriage, and we working towards that; but sometime along the line, even in the mist of trying to make our relationship work, we became more confused by advices we get.

 

 

Most of the tips did more harm than good to my marriages.

 

In this article, I have listed out those smart tips about marriage that will hurt your marriage instead of healing it.

 

 

       images215 Super smart marriage tips that are actually the worst.

 

  • A happy marriage begins when you find Mr. or Mrs. right:

 

Quote: A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.

 

 

I think that quote said it all

 

Of course you may have read some articles on how to find the perfect man or woman for marriage, that is good; there are many signs that will show you how a good someone maybe, but it will never show you that perfect person for marriage.

 

 

Marriage is the only thing in this life where you are not sure of what you get. It is you that will make your marriage what you want it to be.

 

 

I know some couples who had a terrible time in the beginning of their marriage, and now are living happily and some also started good and ended poorly.

 

 

However, it maybe foolishness to marry someone when you know he or she is of questionable character, and I did not also mean you should wait to see the perfect one.

 

 

Just go in and believe you will have the best marriage ever, and work on it and bring it to perfection.

 

 

  • Argument can destroy our marriage:

You may have heard that arguing with your spouse is bad. You expected that your marriage will move smoothly with just few small bumps along the part and then realized you were wrong; because you have witnessed more serious struggles for money, power, sex, children and even how to share the household responsibilities, all trying to tear your marriage apart.

 

 

But here is what you must understand: ) Every marriage are faced with all these same problems, so there is absolutely no problems with your own marriage.

 

 

Many couples decides to keep distance from themselves instead of finding a way to settle their scores; at last they find their marriage failing apart because the gulf has become too big that they cannot get back again.

 

happy marriage, happily married

This is what differentiates the happy marriage from the others.

The happy couples sometimes welcome challenges to their marriage, because they believed that quarrels, arguments and heated conversations can be a possible force that can help them move forward ion their marriage.

 

 

  • Get married first and every other things will be fixed:

 

Many people get into marriage because they believed in their heart that marriage will help them to make their lives better.

 

 

But that is the most useless thing to believe; having that believe will only make you feel bad, when what you think didn’t happen the way you want it.

 

 

Just tell me how two people with bad or no job at all, poor health, wrong attitude and bad habit could come together as couples believing there will be harmony in their marriage.

 

Having in mind that your marriage will fix anything will cause the most damage to you especially when you still see those attitudes there.

 

 

Probably you know your spouse to be an addict, a narcissist or a drunkard, and you think you will work on it; it will not work at all. If he did not change before you said I do, then it will not change again.

 

 

Have this quote in your mind that “any habit tendency or addiction you have before your wedding day will become worst after you married”.

 

4 You will be happy when you get married:

 

 

If you are the type of person that believes that marriage will make you happy, then you are very wrong. It is only you that can make you happy.

 

 

It is obviously true that you can find joy, satisfaction and companionship in marriage, but have it in mind that you will also feel depressed, get annoyed, be angry and also get so confused.

Sometimes you will also wonder if you have made the worst mistakes to get married in the first place.

 

 

Many newly married couples became surprised when in their first or second year of marriage they found out that they are so depressed about the way things are going; that is why sometimes you hear them complaining  about their  spouse to their friends, and you will clearly see in their eyes that they are not enjoying the marriage.

 

happy marriage, happy couples

One important thing you must do is to have an expectation of the best for your marriage.

 

 

There is no doubt marriage can produce joy naturally, however, there is no doubt also about what stressliving and sharing a life with someone can produce, and the stress will be more to you when you have the believe your marriage will fix it.

 

 

Nobody is responsible for your happiness and not even your marriage.

 

Believing your spouse to bring joy and happiness to you, will only make you put more unrealistic pressure that will hurt your marriage.

Marriage requires more work:

 

That maybe true only if you think having sex is work, holding hands as you take a stroll together is work, taking a summer holiday or spending quality time with your spouse is also work.

 

 

Understand this. : )

 

Marriage does not require much work. All you need to make your marriage work properly is just attention. Your partner needs your pure and undivided attention most of the times.

 

 

The marriages that crumbled was because proper attention where not given to it.

 

 

The same way your health will deteriorate when you did not pay attention to it, that is how your marriage will crumble when you refuse to devote your time too it.

 

 

So it is very important you remove your mind from the feelings that marriage takes more work and plan on how to pay proper attention to your marriage. That is when you will see the changes you require.

 

 

My spouse should instinctively understand my want and need if he/she really love me:

 

Your spouse is just a human being just as you are and there is no way he/she could read your mind to know your wants and needs.

 

 

You must make frantic efforts to communicate them clearly to your spouse that is when you can expect him/her to know all you need.

 

 

So instead of believing that your spouse should read your mind and know what your needs are if the love is there, replace it with if I really love my spouse, I must be open to clearly tell him/her what I need and not expect him/her to be a mind reader.

 

Women should not always be direct about their decisions so as not to upset her husband:

 

It is better and healthier to be honest and open during communication with one another to eliminate “repression” or manipulations.

 

 

I have heard it so many times from people that women should be creative when they want to share their desires and ideas rather than saying them directly in other not to cause confusion.

 

 

But this is what I think is the best especially when you are trying to make your marriage strong; it is pretty much better to make decisions together, that will take away subtle and other “manipulative games” from your marriage.

 

You don’t have to invite outsiders to help you solve you marital problems:

 

Somehow this tends to be true: but that is not when you look for people that are inexperienced in family issues.

 

 

There may be times in your marriage when you will need a marriage therapist, counselor, financial planner, or sex therapist to help you in most of the areas mentioned above.

 

 

When things are not moving the way it should in some areas of your marriage, look for an expert that studied how to solve those problems. They may bring the solution you need.

 

Look at how other partners are living and inculcate it in your marriage:-

 

It is okay to have a role model. However, sometimes in life what works for someone else may not work for the other.

 

 

Marriage is a relationship between to different people with different attitude and life style. Tweet This

happy marriage, husband and wife, love, joy, passion

 

To make your marriage work the way you want it, you must know and understand your partner very well, when you know your spouse, you will know how best to live with him or her.

 

 

This is the reason why what works for one marriage may not work for you.

 

 

Figure out the things that will work and make your marriage stronger and get busy doing it.

 

 

Example: you know some couples who travel out of the country for summer and you force yourself to do the same when you have a tight budget; what do you think will happen next? Debt, and eventually stress.

 

10 The best way to change your spouse is to point out their errors, inadequacies immediately:-

 

One of the ways to destroy your marriage in 10 minutes is to believe you can change your partner. Blames and nagging is the best recipe for that.

 

 

The only way you can help to change your spouse is to develop good communication skills, but you cannot achieve that through criticisms and nagging. That will only hurt your marriage the more.

 

11 Couples in good communication automatically becomes closer with time:-

 

No marriage becomes strong or happy just like that. It takes the sincere and constant work, care and nurturing of the couples to make it happen.

 

 

Let’s use this as an example: We must study hard if we want to get good grades in our exams, we must exercise if we want to be fit and it takes proper work if we will achieve any good thing in life; you can never achieve anything by merely fantasizing.

 

 

That is how it is about relationships and marriage. You can liking it to a living organism which needs time to grow. Tweet This

 

 

Couples will never at all times feel affectionate or close towards each other. There are times when things will look like all will be over in a minute, when you will be asking yourself if you made a mistake to get married in the first instance.

 

 

But those moments are the most important time in every marriage. It is a time of growth.

 

 

Always have in your consciousness that nothing about your marriage will come on its own. You must have to devote yourselves to nurturing, building and working to make it happen.

 

 

(12)Marriage is more beneficial to man than it is to women:-

 

This is a big lie that can destroy a marriage. This makes women feel that their role in marriage is a “negative light” and that they are problem to their husband’s desire.

 

 

Women feel much free in marriage when they are sure that they are well recognized and appreciated; that is when they try all they could to do more for their marriage to succeed.

 

 

This will also help to make women not seeing themselves as a generous helper and the husband as the only benefactor.

 

13 Long term marriage is all about good romantic love and good luck:-

 

From survey,thecouple under survey accepted that the reason for more marital happiness lies in their ability to communicate and being each other’s companion.

 

 

Those couple who are happy in their marriage shares compatibility and life in value and interest.

 

 

14 Strong marriage also depends on hard work, commitment and dedication. There is nothing as good luck. Tweet This

 

You must plan from the very first; start by writing down what you want in your marriage and work towards it.

15 It is wrong to pursue your needs individually:

 

I am yet to understand why people believe that partners must do everything together always. Does it mean one cease to be who he/she was before getting married? No!

 

 

Everybody has his or her own life to live notwithstanding the one they have as married couples. It is imperative that couples should take personal interest in each other’s goal, However that is very different than saying that they are compelled to do all things together.

 

 

If couples, are expected to do everything together, that will clearly leave every of the spouse feeling trapped into the relationship.

 

 

There are some marriages where couple feels better when they are together, and some need to be separate sometimes if they should feel better.

happy marriage, happiness in marriage, happy couples

 

The point is this. Look for the method that suites your marriage perfectly and go on with it.

 

 

(16) Every couple must work together to make sure the marriage works well:

 

It is true that partners must work as a team to make their marriage stand well. But what if your marriage is passing through trials and maybe your partner does not look as he/ she wants to get involved in finding a solution to it.

 

 

Maybe you know exactly what to do to repair the marriage. Would you go on waiting for your other half, or do what you have to do to heal your marriage?

 

 

One partner can single-handedly take steps that could get the marriage back to its normal stage if he or she desires.

 

 

Let me round up with this:

 

 

It is obvious you will get lots information,when you want to take a new step in life. The most important thing is to taste it and know which will be ideal for dealing with the circumstances you have at that moment.

 

 

Remember, the success of failure marriage is in your hand; take a proper step and you will make everyone happy. But one single mistake can destroy the relationship you have taken time to build. It is that easy.

If you really enjoy reading this article, you can go ahead and share it with your friends on facebook or twitter.

Bonus Read

7 Rules of a happy marriage.

10 Reasons marriage doesn’t work anymore.

4 Important problems you are likely going to have in your marriage.

 

 

Your comment will be highly welcomed.

 

How to effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast

Disconnected couples, happy couples
Source: Flickr, photo by
J.K. Califf

Some times in your marriage, you may wonder about how to reconnect with your spouse both physically and emotionally for things to get in place again.

 

 
Connection in any relationship is that wonderful thing that binds you and your partner as couples; this shows the extent of the intimacy both of you is able to sustain after you have passed the early stage of your relationship.

 

 
Perhaps now, you have realized how the day to day activities of life, filled with stress, chores, work and taking care of your kids have created a great vacuum between you and your spouse, and have made you to focus on the negative side of your marriage, instead of the things that brought you together as husband and wife in the very first place.

 

 
Now understand that the disconnections I am taking about do not mean that both of you don’t love each other as before, no the love is still there, however you have seen how it is almost impossible for the two of you to express your love.

 

 
Maybe, by the time you are through with the work which takes you out in the morning and brings you back late in the evening, coupled with the getting the groceries from the store, getting the children back from school and getting dinner ready for the family, then you have little or no time to kiss, hug, and even have conversation as partners becomes a forgotten issue.

 
You know exactly what am talking about. : )

 

 

 

But you are not alone: everybody is guilty of this; even the happiest couple has in one time or the other fallen for this.
Meanwhile, if you have not witnessed it in your own marriage, then may I congratulate you, because you are just having your honey moon.

 

 

 

Maybe your marriage is just two months old.

 
I said this because I know it is inevitable in any relationship.Though different couple experience it in different ways; but no matter how you experience it, the fact is it is not the end of the road.

 

 
Just understand that you have the power to restore hope and confidence in your relationship.
We can change whatever we are not comfortable with if we want to.

 

 
In this article, you are going to learn how you can effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and make you marriage stronger than it was before.

 

 
But firstly, let us look at those things that can make couple to be disconnected in the first place, and the ways disconnections can manifest.

 

 
One of the famous marriage research john guttman and the wife Julie guttman for 25 years now have conducted a study in their “love lab”, using some married couples, which were placed in an apartment and where closely monitored using video and questionnaire.

 
The reason for this research was to learn more about how couples thrive in their marriage, and more especially to understand the reasons that could make partners feel distance from each Other.

 

 
From the research, four things were identified to be the reason why couple will feel disconnected in their relationship.
Here they are!

 

 
Criticizing your partner:
Being defensive:
Contempt:
Act of stonewalling:

 

Resources:

How to communicate effectively in your marriage

 
When these become so much in a relationship, there is no doubt there will be clear manifestations of..

 
Avoidance attitude: when there is a shutdown or detachment between couples, they start avoiding being close with each other, and avoidance works opposite to the goal of marriage; because it make couple to give up their strength for developing their marriage.

 

 
Most of the avoidance attitude starts from the unsettled disputes or aggressions in the marriage.

 

 

 

Interrupting: Couples stop being a good listener, now they are ready to interrupt the other even at the middle of conversation. As we know, the ability to listen to your partner is one of the main habits possessed by the happy couples.

 

 

 

Secret keeping: Disconnection brings distrust between couples, and when there is distrust, couples resolve to keeping secrets. Trust is one of the main traits of keeping a successful marriage. No marriage can thrive without that, and keeping secret make things worse.

 

 

 

Nagging: One attitude that is pure detrimental to marriage is nagging. Nobody wants to be nagged, but when there is a detachment among couples, there will be disagreement, and communication will not flow the way it used to be.

 

 

 

Couple then starts nagging each other, because they believed nagging is just that better way to be understood.

 

 
Lookout for problems: Disconnection makes couple to always be on the lookout on how to blame the other. Relationship thrives more when every couple become positive of the marriage; but when blames and problem seeking overshadows trust, then marriage starts crumbling down.

 

 

 

 

– Threatening:I have seen marriages were spouse threaten themselves at will. It’s either the wife is threatening to leave the marriage, or the man is threatening to leave the house and everything for the wife, just because of little quarrel.

 

 

 

Source : Flickr, photo by Sarah Fagg
Source : Flickr, photo by
Sarah Fagg

The worst thing you could do in your life is to use your own tongue to destroy your marriage.

 

 
Remember what the word of God said about tongue. If you really know about the power of what you say with your mouth, you will be careful about what comes out of your mouth.

 

 
I will advise you to say only those things you want to see; and forget about any type of threat.

 

 

 

Telling lies:Another way disconnection in relation manifest is through lies. Couples resolve to telling lies to each other, simply because they are now taking each other for granted. One thing about lie is that once your spouse notice that you have been telling lies; he /she will never trust your words again.

 

 
Resentfulness:This is another way disconnection manifests in marriage; resentment undermines the quality which marriage should be instituted and which entails loyalty, trust, and love.

 

 

 

The bible said something about putting away every malicious bitterness. in the book of Ephesians 4:31.
When you harbor resentment, it will hurt your marriage, because it will make other things to stop working efficiently.

 

 

 

If you see any of these behaviors in your life, then you have to make up your mind to start reconnecting with your spouse, before things go out of hand.

 

 
One of the effective ways to start the reconnection journey is be in charge of all your actions. It doesn’t matter if your partner is adamant about the whole issue, just go ahead and start.
Here are few tips to guide you

 

 

 

How you effortlessly reconnect with your spouse and improve your marriage fast. Tweet this

 

 

 

Redeem yourselves from the effect of time: One reason almost all the couples want to give for disconnection is time.
When the day to day activities have taken all the time meant for the partners to stay together and enjoy their relationship.
But you can redeem yourself from the whole effects of time as I am going to show you in a minute.

 

 

Source: Flickr, photo by Aamer Javed
To redeem yourself from the grip of time simply means to invest your time properly in other to get the best from it.
Tell me: How would you feel if you can.
– You can have more quality time with your spouse and children.

 
– To make your schedules and follow it and not others.

 
– To have the things that are more important be done without being trifled.

 
– Free yourself from clock.

 
You will like it eh! : )

 
Now let me show you how.
Here are steps you can follow to make the best use of your time.

 
Now take a note pad and a pen and
– Write down those things that must be done, write those big tasks and the small tasks. Just write them down as they come to your mind.

 

 
Your proprieties in life: What are the things that are most important to you in life? If you are still trying to be balanced in life, then there are so many things you should not let to be a priority over your health, both physical and mental.

 

 
Remove the non-important items: This part of the step will be more important to you if you don’t understand where to start from your list.

 
What you will want to do here is to look at your lists and look at the items that are more important than the other, and set them in the other of their priorities and you should try eliminating the ones that are not supposed to be included in the list.

 

 
Delegate some of the tasks if possible: I am not asking you to dump some of your responsibilities, but there may be someone who can do them better and faster than you. So why not let him or her take the responsibility, so you can focus on other items.

 

 

 

Select some item that can be done by you and your spouse: It can be fun when you do household projects together; as a family, do the cleanings, cutting of weeds and other tasks together.

 

 
And finally is to stop procrastinating: The best way to get something accomplished is to start doing it immediately. Though starting a thing is the hardest step, but it pays to start immediately than to start later. Procrastination can steal your time if you let it.

 

 
When you are through from time, another step to take in reconnect with your spouse is to

 
Remove some thoughts from you: When you take another look at the list of the ways disconnection manifests in a relationship, you will clearly understand that they are all triggered by the thought will have about our companion, about yourself and about your relationship.

 

 
It will be best if you could purse now, and consider most of those thoughts that made you criticize your spouse in the time past.

 

 
What did you think was the main trigger of your action? How could you say your spouse was angry from the way he / she looked at you?

 

 
Now consider turning around those negative thoughts, so that instead of blaming yourself for being responsible for how your partner feels, then think of the best practices to change your thinking and then your behaviors and your emotions will follow suite.

 

 
Get intimacy back:Being at intimate relationship with your spouse simple shows that you have fully let your spouse into world completely. At this point both of you can share in your hopes and dreams as well as worries.

 

 
When intimate relationship exists between couples, that shows that every partner feels protected and safe too.

 

 
You have to develop a whole heart trust with your companion.
It is the secured environment which was brought by trust and confidence that triggers touch and caress which makes every partner feel good.

 

 
Another way you can develop intimacy in your relationship is by being kind. Study shows that kindness is one of the reasons for building a strong and happy home. So learn to show kindness and respect to one another.

 

 

 
Make your marriage a priority: Let your family be the first thing that matters to you. Let it be obvious from the way you talk; reduce the using of I and me and use more of us when you talk.

 

 
Understand that the wedding was planned together; you said the vow together even in the presence of many friends and the marriage license was handed over to you together, so why would you start living alone.

 

 
It is imperative you make efforts to increase and reinforce a new sense of togetherness as well as guarding and protecting it.
Have your marriage in mind anywhere you are, and anything you do and establish healthy and strong boundaries around your relationship.

 

 
It may not be easy when you want to work on this, but it is worth doing.

 

 
Try taking a day off and share the day together:Nothing can be compared with when couples have the whole day to themselves without distraction. They will have more time to share quality time together.

 

 
They will talk about the family and how to move it further. How much time have you spent with your spouse for the last week, last month even since this year? Just purse and think it over. You will realize that the reason you are feeling disconnected is because you have not done what you are supposed to do.

 

 
Now consider scheduling a time when you and your spouse could just cease the day just the two of you. Tweet This

 
Set up a daily marriage check attitude:In business, you need to check your stock often to know how the business is fairing, sometimes; you need to check yourself to know how you are doing health wise.

 

 
Now it is very important you adopt the same attitude in your marriage. It will help you to know where you are failing as couples, and how will get back at your feet again.

 

 
Conclusion:

 
If your marriage is experiencing disconnection presently, then it is because you have not done what you are supposed to do as couples.

 

 
But have in mind that it is not the end of your marriage. When you look at my check lists for couple’s reconnection, it will clearly dawn on you that you have some conflicts that were poorly treated.

 

 
Look back and try to imagine what they are and start working on it.
You absolutely have nothing to gain when your marriage is in shamble; but you have a lot to gain when there is joy, love and happiness.

 

 
Start reconnecting with your spouse now and watch your marriage move from glory to glory. Tweet This
It is up to you now.

 

Related articles:

Ten steps you must not fail to take if you want a happy marriage.

3 Amazing questions answered on happy marriage.