Few weeks ago, I posted a case study of my personal story on how I enjoyed and still maintained a happy marriage since 10 years of my marriage, and it amazed me how many questions I have received from my fans as regards to that post.
If you are among those that asked the question, then stay glue to the end of this post, because I will not only answer all the questions you asked; but I will show you how you are going to replicate the same steps I took to maintain your own happy marriage.
This articles could be helpful not only to those that have asked the questions, but to all of you who have one time or the other asked a question concerning taking his or her marriage to another level.
One of the things you have to bear in mind is that nothing good comes easy. It may not be very easy for you to start having result, but definitely, you will see changes when you make up your mind about it.
From my article, you should know that marriage requires nurturing, building, and praying to make it work the way you want it.
What are the differences between having a happy marriage and maintaining a happy marriage?
Firstly let’s look at the definition of a happy marriage.
What is a happy marriage?
When marriage is said to be happy one, it simply means that the couples involved are vehemently happy with how their marriage or relationship is moving. At that point which is usually the early stage of the marriage; there is a strong presence of love, good communication, joy and commitment between the two partners. Probably, there is no other thing that is coming between the love the two couples shared together. Couples have much time to enjoy themselves.
However, a time will come in the life of couples, when there will be increase in the responsibility. Maybe the children starts coming and there is also needs to make ends meet.
What do you think will happen at that moment? Of course there will be a divided attention. The times spent together will be divided among so many other things and couples are left with limited time to relax and enjoy themselves.
That is where the issue of maintaining the marriage comes in. There is every need that couples should take care of those extra responsibilities and still take care of their homes without compromising anyone of them.
The difference between the two is while having a happy marriage may come without the couples working so much about it, the couple’s needs to do some extra works to make sure that the happiness in their marriage is maintained and not allowed to depreciate.
What are the steps couples must take to maintain their Marriage?
There are many steps couple could use if they really determined to make their love strong.
Learning what to do to improve your marriage, nurturing and having fun are the things that you need to help you strengthens your marriage.
Every happily married couple makes “explicit agreements” on how they will move forward every day, because they are aware that it is their responsibility to make their marriage a happy one.
These are the steps
Get committed building your marriage:-
Nothing works better in making a marriage work than when couple is committed in working to make it work.Research has proven that the couples must work as one to make their marriage happy,
Well! That is true. However there must be individual commitment from each couple before they could work together.
What is this commitment all about of a thing?
When a spouse is committed to making their marriage happy, then he or she have decide that it doesn’t matter what happen, I am going to stand by my marriage.
A psychology professor of the relationship institute (Thomas Bradbury) said and I quote “It is always easy to be more committed to your marriage or relationship when all is going well”.
The type of commitment I am talking about is when you know that things have change, and you are looking for the reverse it to normal, you are seriously looking for the sacrifices and steps you should take to make things work again.
When you are willing to make some sacrifices in your marriage, it becomes easier for you to settle the issues effectively.
If you are really interested in making your relationship strong, you must make those sacrifices.
Take Inventory of marriage always:-
One of the important steps required to build and sustain your marriage is by taking invention of your marriage regularly. Marriage requires serious attention, nurturing, planning to be stronger and to achieve that, you must take proper steps to know how good or bad you are doing at a giving time.
One of the ways to begin your journey of taking inventory of your marriage is to ask some specific questions about your relationship with your spouse.
(1)Where do I want my Marriage to be the Next 5 years?
Asking yourself a question like this will change your perspective about your relationship. Now you know that your marriage is growing, but you want it to be the best in the coming years. What you must do is to write down the steps you must take to make it what you want
(2) Can your marriage really be better when you are doing the same thing you did years back?
(3)How does my spouse see me?
This is one question every couple should ask him or herself. You may be thinking that you are the best, while you spouse is thinking the negative so instead of waiting to hear from the outside how your spouse sees you, it will be good if you should approach your spouse yourself and ask him/her feels you are doing.
It may amaze you at the result you will get from your spouse. I have done this several times in my marriage and from the marks my wife gave me; I was able to make amend. You could try that too; but sure to get the shock of your life.
Getting a lower rating from your spouse should not make you feel ridiculous; accept it and try to make some changes in the areas you need to change.
Set Goals for Your Marriage:-
Goal setting is very important when it comes to building a happy marriage. Once you are sure of the things you need to do to improve your marriage or relationship, the next line of action is to set goals on how you will start the improvement journey.
Try setting goals that are easily attained. Discuss about the actions you and your spouse will take to achieve your goals.
I find it Hard to Move on when my Spouse is not Showing Concern about Dealing with the Issues in Our Marriage; what do I do?
When your marriage is not moving the way it should and you think your spouse is not showing interest in making things better, understand this; It is very possible for you to single handedly save your marriage from collapsing.
The first thing you should do is to ask your spouse what they knew to be the problem you are facing at that moment in your marriage. Expect two reactions from this as you ask your spouse these questions.
When you spouse did not say anything or rather did not give you any good answer, this is what you will do.
Look for a very quiet place; take a cup of coffee and start looking at your marriage the way you think your spouse is seeing it at that moment. Put yourself in his shoes. You may not get the same answer, but you can get a grasp of it.
Imagine those things you think is not working well: May be you do not Nag before, but you started nagging lately. Are you the same person your spouse married? May be a lot has changes about you. You could be the reason he is not showing any interest this time.
When you look at your marriage from another person’s point of view, it will help you tackle your problems with ease.
Now these are what you will do to start repairing your marriage single handedly
Understand this is not a quick fix:-
If your marriage was happy and now it is not, it didn’t just happen; a lot of things would have happened that made it so.
The simple truth is that both women and men change as time goes on in life. The researcher said that “there is a total replacement in the cells of the body of every man. The ways of thinking, our ideas and interest evolves as the cell replaces each other. It is all these personal changes that become a challenge in our marriage. This is why you should not expect a quick fix.
But this is what you should do
You have to make your spouse a priority and always remind yourself that both of you are best friends. You can as well change your attitude, but you have to be positive about your spouse too.
One thing that could help you get the results you wanted is to accept that it will take your spouse time to change.
You shout try having a word with your spouse and let him understand how things are not working out again in the family because of the nonchalant attitude. This shall be done with love. If the problem is his/her spending habit, or nagging attitude; let him/her know the affects it’s having on the marriage. You may be surprise to see some changes.
Try and forget the past and move forward. When there is a constant tracking of the past, couples find it hard to move forward; but if you should put aside all your issues, there will be a new connection between you and your spouse and then the healing process will start.
In rounding up, you should always understand that the success or failure of your marriage is solely in your hand. Let every step be what will move and not mar it. It takes commitment and diligent steps to make your marriage what you want it to be.
If there are other questions you have, feel free to share with us.