3 Most Amazing Questions Answered on How to Maintain Happy Marriage.

happy marriage, marriage questions and anwerFew weeks ago, I posted a case study of my personal story on how I enjoyed and still maintained a happy marriage since 10 years of my marriage, and it amazed me how many questions I have received from my fans as regards to that post.

 

If you are among those that asked the question, then stay glue to the end of this post, because I will not only answer all the questions you asked; but I will show you how you are going to replicate the same steps I took to maintain your own happy marriage.

This articles could be helpful not only to those that have asked the questions, but to all of you who have one time or the other asked a question concerning taking his or her marriage to another level.

 

One of the things you have to bear in mind is that nothing good comes easy. It may not be very easy for you to start having result, but definitely, you will see changes when you make up your mind about it.

 

From my article, you should know that marriage requires nurturing, building, and praying to make it work the way you want it.

Questions on Happy Marriage answered

 

What are the differences between having a happy marriage and maintaining a happy marriage?

Firstly let’s look at the definition of a happy marriage.

 

What is a happy marriage?

When marriage is said to be happy one, it simply means that the couples involved are vehemently happy with how their marriage or relationship is moving. At that point which is usually the early stage of the marriage; there is a strong presence of love, good communication, joy and commitment between the two partners. Probably, there is no other thing that is coming between the love the two couples shared together. Couples have much time to enjoy themselves.

However, a time will come in the life of couples, when there will be increase in the responsibility. Maybe the children starts coming and there is also needs to make ends meet.

What do you think will happen at that moment? Of course there will be a divided attention. The times spent together will be divided among so many other things and couples are left with limited time to relax and enjoy themselves.

That is where the issue of maintaining the marriage comes in. There is every need that couples should take care of those extra responsibilities and still take care of their homes without compromising anyone of them.

The difference between the two is while having a happy marriage may come without the couples working so much about it, the couple’s needs to do some extra works to make sure that the happiness in their marriage is maintained and not allowed to depreciate.

 

  Question Two.

What are the steps couples must take to maintain their Marriage?

There are many steps couple could use if they really determined to make their love strong.

Learning what to do to improve your marriage, nurturing and having fun are the things that you need to help you strengthens your marriage.

Every happily married couple makes “explicit agreements” on how they will move forward every day, because they are aware that it is their responsibility to make their marriage a happy one.

These are the steps

Get committed building your marriage:-

Nothing works better in making a marriage work than when couple is committed in working to make it work.Research has proven that the couples must work as one to make their marriage happy,

Well! That is true. However there must be individual commitment from each couple before they could work together.

     What is this commitment all about of a thing?

When a spouse is committed to making their marriage happy, then he or she have decide that it doesn’t matter what happen, I am going to stand by my marriage.

A psychology professor of the relationship institute (Thomas Bradbury) said and I quote “It is always easy to be more committed to your marriage or relationship when all is going well”.

The type of commitment I am talking about is when you know that things have change, and you are looking for the reverse it to normal, you are seriously looking for the sacrifices and steps you should take to make things work again.

When you are willing to make some sacrifices in your marriage, it becomes easier for you to settle the issues effectively.

If you are really interested in making your relationship strong, you must make those sacrifices.

Take Inventory of marriage always:-

One of the important steps required to build and sustain your marriage is by taking invention of your marriage regularly. Marriage requires serious attention, nurturing, planning to be stronger and to achieve that, you must take proper steps to know how good or bad you are doing at a giving time.

One of the ways to begin your journey of taking inventory of your marriage is to ask some specific questions about your relationship with your spouse.

 

(1)Where do I want my Marriage to be the Next 5 years?

Asking yourself a question like this will change your perspective about your relationship. Now you know that your marriage is growing, but you want it to be the best in the coming years. What you must do is to write down the steps you must take to make it what you want

(2) Can your marriage really be better when you are doing the same thing you did years back?

(3)How does my spouse see me?

This is one question every couple should ask him or herself. You may be thinking that you are the best, while you spouse is thinking the negative so instead of waiting to hear from the outside how your spouse sees you, it will be good if you should approach your spouse yourself and ask him/her feels you are doing.

It may amaze you at the result you will get from your spouse. I have done this several times in my marriage and from the marks my wife gave me; I was able to make amend. You could try that too; but sure to get the shock of your life.

Getting a lower rating from your spouse should not make you feel ridiculous; accept it and try to make some changes in the areas you need to change.

 

Set Goals for Your Marriage:-

Goal setting is very important when it comes to building a happy marriage. Once you are sure of the things you need to do to improve your marriage or relationship, the next line of action is to set goals on how you will start the improvement journey.

Try setting goals that are easily attained. Discuss about the actions you and your spouse will take to achieve your goals.

 

                      QUESTION THREE

I find  it Hard to Move on when my Spouse is not Showing Concern about Dealing with the Issues in Our Marriage; what do I do?

When your marriage is not moving the way it should and you think your spouse is not showing interest in making things better, understand this; It is very possible for you to single handedly save your marriage from collapsing.

The first thing you should do is to ask your spouse what they knew to be the problem you are facing at that moment in your marriage. Expect two reactions from this as you ask your spouse these questions.

When you spouse did not say anything or rather did not give you any good answer, this is what you will do.

Look for a very quiet place; take a cup of coffee and start looking at your marriage the way you think your spouse is seeing it at that moment. Put yourself in his shoes. You may not get the same answer, but you can get a grasp of it.

Imagine those things you think is not working well: May be you do not Nag before, but you started nagging lately. Are you the same person your spouse married? May be a lot has changes about you. You could be the reason he is not showing any interest this time.

When you look at your marriage from another person’s point of view, it will help you tackle your problems with ease.

Now these are what you will do to start repairing your marriage single handedly

Understand this is not a quick fix:-

If your marriage was happy and now it is not, it didn’t just happen; a lot of things would have happened that made it so.

The simple truth is that both women and men change as time goes on in life. The researcher said that “there is a total replacement in the cells of the body of every man. The ways of thinking, our ideas and interest evolves as the cell replaces each other. It is all these personal changes that become a challenge in our marriage. This is why you should not expect a quick fix.

But this is what you should do

You have to make your spouse a priority and always remind yourself that both of you are best friends. You can as well change your attitude, but you have to be positive about your spouse too.

One thing that could help you get the results you wanted is to accept that it will take your spouse time to change.

You shout try having a word with your spouse and let him understand how things are not working out again in the family because of the nonchalant attitude. This shall be done with love. If the problem is his/her spending habit, or nagging attitude; let him/her know the affects it’s having on the marriage. You may be surprise to see some changes.

Try and forget the past and move forward. When there is a constant tracking of the past, couples find it hard to move forward; but if you should put aside all your issues, there will be a new connection between you and your spouse and then the healing process will start.

In rounding up, you should always understand that the success or failure of your marriage is solely in your hand. Let every step be what will move and not mar it. It takes commitment and diligent steps to make your marriage what you want it to be.

If there are other questions you have, feel free to share with us.

 

 

6 Important Ways of Dealing with infidelity in your marriage

infidelity in marriage, happy marriage, dealing with infidelityOne of ways you can destroy your relationship or marriage is through infidelity. I can really imagine how you feel when you realized that someone you loved so much has betrayed your love, joy and trust. It pains so hard, especially when you realized that someone you can vouch for, never to indulge in such and act has finally betrayed your confidence.

 

Some years back the same person feels bad whenever a story is told about infidelity, you have probably heard him/her promising never to do such a thing in life and you believed it; now the next victim is him. I know how you feel at this time; you want to through in the towel, you can’t stand the shame and the humiliation, all you need now is a divorce. But do you know that divorce is not the best option? There are so many ways of dealing with infidelity in your marriage and I have taken some time to list some of them here for you.

 

Recently, the attitude of people concerning infidelity has made the subject looks like a toy every spouse or rather every grown up will someday play with. They see it as a normal thing. When someone hears that either a wife or the husband indulged in infidelity, it doesn’t create the usual shock to him any longer, the listener just shake his head and move on with other things.

 

However, that does not mean that its negative impact is not felt in the marriage, especially the devastating effect it brings between children, the husband and the wife.

 

Cheating doesn’t have a specific time it comes in the marriage; it could come at the earliest time of your marriage, the middle of the marriage. At some time you may feel like leaving the marriage.

 

However, if you could try dealing with the infidelity in your marriage with these steps I listed, you may see your marriage bouncing back and becoming one of the strongest marriages in the world.

 

Before I go forward, I want us to look at so many reasons why infidelity may happen in the first place; because you must first understand the foundation of a problem, before you could know where to start tackling it.

 

One the reason for a rapid growth in infidelity among couples is lack of patience. People are too desperate to have the answer immediately. There is no more waiting for things to happen naturally. People want an instant gratification, and the advent of the technology has helped to quicken up things. Couples now know and want to get fast result in their marriage.

 

Technologies have succeeded in creating great impulse in our marriages and have taken away the quality of being patience; which God has deposited in man.

 

Infidelity is the main outcome of the impatience between couples. Now when there is an unanswered question in a marriage, a partner could go out to look for the answer. When there is emotional or financial need also, a partner may also go outside to get it therefore tearing the marriage apart.

 

One important thing to note is that, it could happen to anyone dear to us; your sister, your brother, your best friend, your brother in-law or your sister in-law.

 

In a book “when women cheat” The author said something that interests me. He say’s “we actually wallow in infidelity- and if we are not currently unfaithful, then we are dreaming about it” Is that really true? Can we really prove to be faithful to our spouse? Is everyone dreaming to cheat on the spouse someday?

Maybe you should not answer that question, until you are done reading this.

 

As at the time of writing this article, I realized that cheating or infidelity is not just when your spouse sleeps with another love. Though that looks to be the real cheating; but there are so many ways to cheat on your spouse and probably you have never called a spade a spade.

 

 

Different form of infidelity is Marriage.

 

We are going to look at the different forms of infidelity as portrayed by a “psychology today blogger” Michael J. formica. On his post on (Enlightened Living blog), He Said that infidelity is of 3 different forms.

 

Object Infidelity:-

 

In this type of cheating, the cheating partner overlooks the relation and focus more on something else like work, laptop, and video game. The priority of the cheater in this case is something else and not the marriage. In today’s world, you find out that some couples when they come back home, they prefers to stay with the phone, laptop or even prefer to go out and play basketball with friends to the detriment of the marriage. At this point the feelings and emotions of the other couple is seriously starved.

 

Many people did not see this as infidelity and it slowly destroys our home if not properly taken care of.

 

My wife feels so bad when I stay glued to my laptop. She has even gone to the extent of calling my laptop my second wife; so tell me if I am not cheating on her while there is a divided attention.

 

Sexual Affair:-

 

Sexual affair is when a partner leaves the marriage to have a sexual intercourse with another lover. This is one of the most common cheating, and it is usually coursed by our quest to meet some physical needs, desire or want. The effect of this type of cheating varies between men and women. When a woman cheats a man, the man feels like he is physically rejected. And a woman feel that she is not loved when a man cheats.

 

Emotional infidelity:-

 

This sounds simple, but this is the silent marriage destroyer. This is when there is an emotional attachment to someone that is not your spouse. The whole emotional “resources” of the spouse like attention, time, love is seriously diverted to the lover outside.. Emotional infidelity usually does not require a “personal contact” to take place, but everything is done through online chatting (sex chatting), text messaging and even through voice call.

 

Why I called this the silent marriage killer is that, it usually starts like a play and if care is not taken it graduates to a full blown sex.

 

However, what everyone must know is that infidelity, no matter which form is it, it rises because of some unfavorable situation created by both couples. This is the reason couples must work out a possible way of dealing with the infidelity that will work best for them and the starting step is to find out the reason why a partner cheats in the first place.

 

Ways of dealing with infidelity in your marriage

 

Are you sure your spouse did that:-

Many times, it is just a mere suspicion that makes a spouse to think that the other is cheating. When you are not sure of your spouse’s infidelity, never make any move of accusing your spouse without the proof;That could be the worst thing you could do. So I suggest to you to be sure your spouse in indulging in an extra marital affair before thinking of the ways to confront the cheating spouse.

 

Make a decision:-

 

There is nothing in this life that could be compared to making a decision on how to confront your cheating spouse. It is sordid experiences because there are so many important factors that are beyond your control as you want to do that.

 

There is a need for you to get yourself prepared mentally, get real circumstantial evidences that will buttress your suspicions, get yourself with what to say and also get yourself braced up for the reactions you are sure to get.

 

You must try and look into yourself and decide which way you want to go. If you want to forgive your spouse, you have to decide it immediately or maybe you want to leave the marriage. Be truthful to yourself about what you want to get from the confrontation.

 

Confront your spouse:-

 

Confronting you spouse after cheating without good evidence is like getting yourself ready to fail. But when you have investigated, and you are sure that your spouse cheated on you, then it is left with you to approach your spouse with the evidence. It may not be an easy task, but you must do that.

 

However instead of rushing into the house to yell and scream, l advice you to approach it in a more matured way, a way that shows you are actually in total control of the matter. Your main aim here is to get what you want from the conversation. Choose the best time to go to your spouse. It may not be good for you to go when you feel shocked about your discovery or when you feel raw.

 

The bottom line is to do all your home works well and be very prepared too. Never get surprised when you see your partner’s reactions, remain focused.

 

Know the Reasons for the Infidelity:

 

All though there is no better reason one spouse should cheat on the other. However, you must know why this happened in the first place if you are really seeking a way to deal with infidelity in your marriage. What if you are the reason why that happened?.

 

From the stories of infidelity I was opportune to listen to, I found out that most of the reason is lack of care from the spouse.

 

A woman will tell you that all the husband knows to do is work. He goes out in the morning and come back late. Even when he comes back, he will not have time to care about his spouses’ feelings and need.

 

This alone could make your spouse look for care and attention outside. Anyone who could fill that gap you created will definitely win her emotions. Just like I rightly said; there is never a justifiable reason to indulge in infidelity, but it will be good if you should know that your spouse has found those things she / he is not getting from the marriage.

 

Well! If you are the reason why your spouse committed that act, one of the ways you could avoid it from occurring another time is to repair the broken rope. Look for the loopholes and patch it. Make your spouse feel the love and care that is due. Never give him or her reason to seek for solutions outside.

 

Answer Some Important Questions By yourself:-

 

After confronting your cheating spouse, many types of questions will flood your mind. Your ability to answer those question like; How did I not believed my intuitions in the first place, Why and how should this happened to me, will prove to you that the healing process have started.

 

Those questions and answers definitely are the things that will make you retrospect all that happened to you and your relationship. Use the opportunity to think and understand when and where the trust between you and your spouse was breached and the get into the action of repairing your home.

 

What is Your Next Line Of Action?:-

 

This is the most important aspect of dealing with the infidelity in your marriage. At this point you must think about the steps to take next. The first thing to do is to make sure why your spouse cheated, is the act done willfully or mistakenly and maybe there is no sign of remorse, there may be no other option.

 

But what if your spouse is sorry for the act and seek to be forgiven, there may be a reason to reconsider giving your relationship or marriage another chance. This may have to be a kind of starting from the scratch to rebuild communication, trust, care and faith. Remember it is up to you to consider having in mind that it is not that easy to get over the feelings of imagining your spouse with the other lover.

 

Rounding Up

 

You must know that the act has been done. No one can bring back the hand of the clock and no one can change the past. You have to pick up your pieces and move forward with your life. Try to remember the good moments of your marriage / relations, though the stings of the ugly situation are still glaring at your face.

 

What matters most now is your future. Think of how to make your marriage stronger than it has always been. It is not what you could have done alone. Above all, let God start where you stop. You cannot do it alone.

Also read

Dealing with infidelity the first step to a happy marriage.

Infidelity in marriage

 

30+ highly sought after Happy Marriage Recipes you have never tried before.

happy marriage, husband and wife, getting married, love, joy peaceRecipe for building a happy marriage is a very vast topic on the internet. It start from communication, trust, love getting committed, having a day or week out as partners.

Here in happymarriagebuilder.com, we have done so much to cover various useful recipes that you require to build and sustain your marriage.
However, I have not created any eBook that covers all of those topics, here I have tried to roundup most of the recipes that are of very important to you.
We have really covered most of the recipes for happy marriage here in this blog; though I understand that you have not read many of them. May be because of your busy schedule you were not able to visit the blog or probably the new topics bushed them back.
Here are the lists of recipe for happy marriage you must read and also assimilate.
Useful recipes you must know.
Before I move forward with the recipes, I want you to know that you have the right.

(1) To ask questions on any topic you did not understand very well.
(2) To leave a valuable comment in our comment section when you finished reading.
(3) To share this blog to your favorite social medias.
(4) Finally, you can subscribe to our newsletters for regular updates.
(1)First Step to a Happy Marriage:-
Here I share some important things every couple must know and do if they crave to have a happy marriage. There is always a first step to everything in life and you must know about it to achieve you goal. Read it by yourself here and know what first step you have to take to achieve a happy marriage.
(2) What you must know about happy marriage:
Taking your first step is important. However, there are other important things you must know before you begin to make your moves easier and a smooth sailing. I have covered it here and you can read it by yourself here.

(3) Important roles every woman must play to build a happy marriage:-
Happy marriages don’t just happen. It takes the individual effort and commitment of both couples to make it happen. In this article, I discussed what a woman needs to do to make her marriage a happy one. It worth’s reading and you can see it here.
(4) Roles of a man in building a happy a marriage:-
The same way a woman has a role to play, the man also has his. Read this article and discover what a man must not fail to do. I am sure it will interest you when you discover that you have not actually done much. Read it here.
(5) 7 Rules of a Happy Marriage:-
There is a rule for everything on earth and you must abide by the rules to get the required result. Having a happy marriage requires you to abide by these rules written here to achieve your goal.
(6) How to be committed to your Marriage:-
Interesting tips on the things you must know to be more committed to your marriage. Here I shared how you can write down the things that will help you to stand your ground when there are challenges in your marriage. You may not know how easy it is until you read this post. Read it Here.
(7) How to Improve your marriage and Make it a Better One:-
If your marriage is not moving the way you want it now, there are still ways you can adopt to improve it and it is covered in this article. Read it here.
(8) How to Build Strong and Emotional Intimacy in your marriage:-
Every marriage must have a strong emotional intimacy present in their marriage to stay happy for ever.
In this article, I have covered everything you must do to build that strong emotional intimacy in your own marriage. Here is it.
(9) Communication is the Bedrock of every Marriage:

Communication is the most interesting happy marriage builder every couple must know how to do. Good communication builds a marriage fast and the opposite also destroys it fast.

Discover how you can increase communication in your marriage through this article I wrote for you. Here.

(10) Simple Mistakes you must not make if you want a happy and successful marriage:

Any mistake can cost you so much before you could get back on track again. You can avoid some of the mistakes that could cost you your happy marriage by reading this article. Read it here.
(11) Five secrets my Wife told me on How to stay Happily Married Even When There are no Reasons to Love your wife again:-
This is obviously what I learned from my lovely wife that kept our marriage strong and happy. I am sure you will want to know it too. It is here for you.

(12) How to Locate a Good Happy Marriage Therapist:

Most time in a marriage couple may need to see a marriage therapist to help them solve some important problems in their marriage. However, not every therapist is qualified to help you. You must locate the best to work with.
In this article I shared how you can locate the best for yourself. Here is it.
(13) How to Make Your Wife Happy:-

When a woman is happy with her marriage, she tends to do more to make it successful. In this article, I shared some important things you must do to make your marriage happy any you must know them to move your marriage forward. Here is it.
(14) All you may want to Know about Why Marriage Fails or succeed:-

You may want to know why some marriages last and why some don’t. These are the things I covered in this article and it is important you read them here.
(15) Important Steps to a Happy Christian Marriage:

Marriage is sweeter when the foundation is built on God. Discover how you can make your marriage the way the word of God describes it in this article. Here.
(16) How to spend Quality time with your Spouse and Enjoy a Happy Marriage:-

In this article, I proved so many couples who thought that sex is the only way to make your marriage strong wrong. I talked about how to spend time; not just time but how you can make each time a quality one. You have not seen those tips before. Read it here.
(17) Ten Things couples do every day to enjoy a Happy Marriage:-

It does not stop in having a happy marriage; you must do everything there is to maintain it.
In this article, I covered those thing happily married couples do every day to keep their fire burning. If you want to know it, then it is here.
(18) How to Plan a Successful Future as Husband and wife:-

To have a successful future, you need to plan. In this article I shared how you can plan it from the start with your spouse. It is worth reading and here is where you can see it.
(19) How Being Married and Feeling Single Can Harm Your Happy Marriage:-

A friend of mine told me that despite he is married, that he still feels single. You know what effect that can have in your marriage. You may not know it until you read this article. It is here for you.
(20) Dealing with Conflicts in Your Marriage:-

Conflict is inevitable in marriage. While some deal with their own conflicts and move forward, other are ignorant of what to do and so they resolve to divorce.
This article will show you how you can deal with those challenges and bullet proof your marriage for divorce. It is worth reading. Here is it.
(21) Why Infidelity happens in Marriage:

When a partner starts cheating on the other, there is always a reason for that. You may not know the reasons until your partner start cheating on you.
This article will show you why people cheat and what you must do to avoid it in your marriage. Read it Here.
(22) One important thing you must do if you don’t want divorce:-

You love your spouse so much and you do not want to divorce him/ her. Here is the list of the things you must do. I have listed them down here for you.
(23) Dos and don’t of every successful marriage:-
Here is another amazing article you must read. In this article, you will read about what to do and not to do in your marriage. It is very important you take a look at it here.
(24) Dealing with infidelity:

It is not a good thing when someone you love and trust cheats on you. How would you contain it? What are the steps you should take to deal with the situation? They are listed in this article and you can read it here.
(25) How to Keep a Happy Family:-

Having a happy marriage is different from keeping a happy marriage. In this article, I talked about not just how to make your marriage a happy one but also how you can sustain it and stay happily married for the rest of your life. You can find it here.
(26) 6 important things you must do to have the type of marriage you always wanted:-

If having a wonderful marriage is what you crave for, then this article could be what you are looking for. I discussed about the 6 important things that make such a heart desire possible. Read it Here.
(27) More on what a woman must do to make her marriage happy:-

This is the continuation of my first article “The role of a woman in making her marriage Happy ‘If you have read the first, then you need to see this one too. Here is it.
(28) Ways to Keep Scores in your Marriage:

Understanding the best ways to keep scores in your marriage should be one of the things you desire most. Until you understand these, you may find it hard to move your marriage forward. In this very article, I discussed all you need to know it.
It may be very different from what the guru’s told you, but it maybe what you can’t do without. Check it here.
(29) Important of Sex in your Marriage:-

How much is sex important in marriage? Is having a quality time together with your spouse all about having sex? What if your sex life is boring, how would you make it active again? All these have been discussed in this article and it is important you lay your hands on it right now. Here is it.
(30) Ways to Build Trust in your Marriage:-

The presence of trust in any marriage shows that the marriage is moving forward. If there is no trust in your marriage, then make it a point of duty to build it. In this article, you will learn the step by step tips to build trust in your marriage. Check it out here.
(31) Things you may see in your marriage that can make you think of Divorce and how you can Stay Married forever:-

In this article, I shared about all you could do when there is a quarrel that looks big in your eyes. The types of challenge that will make you want to through in the towel. Using the systems listed here will aid you in making your marriage a happy one again.Here
(32) Having kids and maintaining a happy marriage:-

When kids starts coming in a marriage, the responsibilities of couples starts increasing as well. You may want to know how to balance the equation of taking care of your kids as well as maintaining your happy marriage. This article is the answer to your questions. Read it here.
(33) 10 Red hot Bible verses on having a happy marriage:

Here you will see the opinions of God about husband and wife living and enjoying their marriage. It will aid you to take the first steps of your marriage bearing God in your mind. I think you could do yourself good by taking a look at it. It is here.
Rounding up:-

Here are just few of the tips ant you can still search our archive for some more useful guides and posts too.
Thank you for reading.