Reasons why Infidelity happens in a Marriage and it’s effect on Happy Marriage.

Have you ever had a feeling that your once a happy marriage is quickly crumbling because your spouse is cheating on you? Have you looked into his/ her phone, diary or pocket/ bag and noticed some unusual emotional text massages, card from a person of opposite sex? Did you over heared him/her makinf some love conversation to an opposites sebx over at the other side of the phone?

Many couples have been in this situation and unfortunately many of them could not give any good reasons why the infidelity started in the first place.

Infidelity in marriage doesn’t just happen. There are so many reasons why a woman or a man could decide to cheat on each other.

It is imperative to read and understand this article well, to know every reason that caused infidelity in other marriages and how you can shield it from affecting your own marriage. Remember you are striving to build a happy marriage.

Below are some of the Known reasons for Infidelity in Marriage.

Not Having Time for your Partner:-

It is important that couples spend time with each other. Not just time but quality time. However, when there is not enough time to spend with your partner, infidelity sets in. This happens because the other partner in his/her quest to seek out another person to share time with may fall victim of infidelity without knowing it.

When Passion is Gone:-

After some years in marriage, passion slowly dies. The only difference between a broken marriage and a happy marriage is the ability to re-ignite passion in your marriage. Try to work on your passions if you think yours has disappeared. Do not allow your spouse to seek it outside. It may bring infidelity.

Couriousity:-

Some partners fall victim of infidelity just because they want to know what will happen in the “situation“. To avoid that from happening in your marriage, have a chit-chat with your spouse and find a solution to that problem immediately.

Bad Friends:-

Bad company the say corrupt good manners. One maybe influenced by a friend to do what he/she doesn’t want to. Some times one couple cheats because his/her friend lured him into having a taste. Meanwhile if your spouse did it at all, then there is no need blaming friends because he/she was not forced into it in the first place. The responsibility is he’s or her’s.

Revenge:-

One of the reasons why infidelity happens is when a spouse wants to revenge for what he/she thought the other party did.

Sometimes, your partner may feel that you are not faithful to him/her, probably for one reason or the other. This is why you must build trust in your marriage.

Inability to Satisfy yotrur Spouse Sexually:-

This is one of the most common reasons people give when they cheat, most expecially the women Most couples enjoyed everything in marriage but their sex life is very weak. If yours is the same, you should try and improve on it to prevent infidelity.

Emotional Validation:- Everyone want to be appreciated. That is the main factor in the intimacy of partners or in what partners feel for each other. Learn to validat your spouse often or someone else will.

From all these points, you will know if you are the reason for your spouses infidelity or not. However, when infidelity occurs, the word has not come to an end.

You can still make up and move forward in your marriage. It may not be easy but you can still have a happy marriage after infidelity.

How Infidelity Could Destroy your Happy marriage

There is absolutely nothing that can destroy a happy marriage fast than infidelity. Infidelity do not necessarily means that you are having an affair with someone else; when you develop an emotional feelings and attachment to someone else than your spouse, it may be more dangerous than having an affair.

Faithfulness means that you have no other person in your live than your spouse, that is when you can claim to be faithful emotionally, mentally as well as physically. Never allow yourself to get into any romantic relationship with any person except your spouse.

As a married man/woman, you are not allowed to have any attachment emotionally or even fall in love with another person than your spouse. When you do, then you are guilty of infidelity.

Infidelity is capable of destroying lives, not just your spouses life, but your childrene’s life. It can destroy any relationship as well as any happy marriage.

People can go to any length to revenge the act of infidelity without thinking of the implications. There is no amount of short term or “fleeting” pleasure that can compensate all the havocs that comes with infidelity. Even the most happiest marriage can crumble in one minute because of unfaithfulness.
Why Cheating is Painful
To understand how painful infidelity is, let us look at the differences between love and sex. Many people have tried to differentiate sex and love, especially when they want to cover up their unfaithfulness. But to me, there is no atom of difference between the two. It is one of those lies people tell to make excuses for what they have done.

There is an interconnectivity between love and sex.
A lot of people have tried so much as to reduce the impact of sex in relationship of a man and woman. Sex has now been made to look like a toy for the grown ups.. No one can deny that joy they derive in sex. The only question now is why has sex become that pleasurable, if sex isn’t pleasursble, thats why everyone would have become “extinct” so many years ago. If the men were not bestowed with that great sex drive, then most of them would not agree to take the responsibility of having a family.
Now lets look at how sex and love is related.
In marriage, sex helps in rearfirming that love that exists between man and woman in marriage. Sex makes a man and woman become one when they are having intercourse. The symbol of this is that it accentuates that commitment couples must have for one another.

During sex, people experiences love and validations. From all these point of views, sex can become a acceptance and commitment, that is why people are so disappointed when their partner cheats on them, the strayed partner has automatically sold him/herself emotionally and physically to another person.

When this happens, it affects marriage so much.

In Conclusion.

Never indulge in infidelity, if you want to maintain a happy marriage. You may cause a great pain to your spouse and to all your family members, and that may not be easy to overcome.

Dealing with Conflicts in your marriage (Happy marriage tips)

Hello and Merry Christmas. If you want to have a happy marriage, then you must learn to deal with the challenges that come to you and your spouse. In this special Christmas edition,

I have tried so much in describing some important things you can do to help minimize it.

I suggest you get a glass of coffee as you are reading this.

We are aware that conflicts are unavoidable in marriage, and can come at different times and purposes whether it is a happy marriage or not.

The only thing that matters is how we respond to the conflicts when it rears up its ugly head. What are the effects of your actions? Is it helping you to solve the problems or hurting it the more.

One thing you must have in your mind before taking any action concerning dealing with marital conflicts is that if your actions are good, then it will make your union a happy marriage and if not your marriage may be hurting so deeply that you will not find it easy to handle again.

Most conflicts we see in our marriages may be minor; therefore, simple solutions are usually agreed upon (mutually) when we agree to move forward in building trust, strength, and mutual understanding.

All these at a long run will helps so much in building a more stable and happy marriage.

Have you had conflicts in your marriage earlier that are still coming up again and again? Why did the two of you not have agreement or compromise in solving it?

What do you do when your spouse brings up an emotional concern, maybe something you have heard before? Would you be sincere enough to give listening ears to him/her?

When there are recurring issues or conflicts in your marriage, there are some destructive attitudes that tends to become jeopardy to our disadvantage when it comes to dealing with it.

Our inability to validate our companion or spouses concerns usually comes in a number of ways that usually makes the conflict to either persist or coursing a bigger problem in future.

Most importantly is the response we give to the complaints from our spouse, they are determinant factor in dealing with the conflict.

A happy marriage is not something you just fall into, even though you may have great chemistry and the best intentions, a strong bong is one where both partners takes the time to nurture each other each an everyday.

In Conclusion;
To keep a marriage is not always easy, but never be afraid when those conflicts and misunderstandings starts coming; they are normal and only came to make both of you stronger.

It is preferably good and more effectual to use a positive response like “sorry dear; I am sure how you feel about this”. It can go a long way in solving the problems, than saying things like “are you serious about this”.

Always show a sense of concern to your spouse’s needs and feelings. When your spouse sees the sincererity in your responses towards the conflicts, they will give you clues to the reasons for their actions.

These will give you a better chance to having a successful marriage.

From Me
Murphyaik.
Have a wonderful celebration!
See you at the top.

How to plan a successful (happy marriage) future together as husband and wife

imagesMarriage is an important step in life, but having a happy marriage is what every couple must strife to attain. This is the reason why careful steps should be taking to achieve a happier and stable relationship for the rest of your stay together in marriage.

 
Why planning is necessary

 
How do you feel when you heard the word “planning”? Many usually think it is unromantic when you said anything about planning relationship or marriage.
They usually believe that marriage happens naturally. They think one need only to follow his/her instinct, go with their heart, and that is enough to see them through, yes! I guess so too.
I believe every marriage must be rooted in love and romance, because they are the foundation for good union between husband and wife. However, I believe also it is important too that a life time commitment as marriage should be carefully planned for a lot of reasons.

 
Every happy and successful marriage is a union of two people who put their professions, personal talents, their aspirations and knowledge together.

 

Two different people coming together from different back ground; it will not always be easy for them to agree on a common opinion that is the reason a careful planning is important, so husband and wife should talk about the ways forward even before it happened.

 
Planning a marriage also strengthens the union between the couples. Everyone sees himself or herself as a valuable member and then get committed in achieving a common goal.

 
Steps to planning your marriage

 
One of the ways you can plan your marriage as husband and wife is to have a heart- to heart chat with your would be partner on the matter before starting the preparations for the wedding. Always have in your mind that though the wedding is a joyous moment and a day affair, but marriage is a long time commitment, so plan yourselves together very well.
To make it easier for you during planning, I suggest the following two important steps to help you
Have a goal written down

 
It is obviously the most important goal for you to have a stable marriage wherein you and your spouse are both committed to its achievement.
It is then more important you make other smaller goals that help you achieve your aim. Success is always the best motivation; those little complementing goals will motivate you the more to achieve your goals because you can see the fruits.

 

 

You can plan for weekend dates for you and your spouse,that helps to sustain the sparks of love that have been existing. You can also make it a point of duty to talk about your marital issues at the end of the day.
Be honest
Be honest from the very beginning. It pays to be truthful when you are planning for a happy marriage. Honesty brings trust and lies bring distrust. Never say the wrong things because you want to win your spouse. Eventually every lie will be noticed and trouble will start.

 
In conclusion I want you to understand that life comprises of pleasant and unpleasant surprises that usually beats even the most careful planning. However making a careful planning together as husband and wife can give you a step ahead in solving the problems that are yet to come.

Fidelity In Marriage

The prevalent hedonistic
culture in the world
today, convinces people
that the pursuit of
personal pleasure
outstrips all other
considerations. Fidelity
in marriage has become a
casualty. Marriage which
was considered the
building block of society
and bound two people
together in a physical,
mental and emotional
oneness, is now merely a
minority concept.
A good marriage doesn’t
happen automatically. It
involves commitment,
acceptance, and mutual
respect bonded together
with love. Spouses set
themselves apart from all
others, and give
themselves exclusively to
each other. A good
marriage is based on the
“reciprocity principle.”
Partners, who have
pledged to love each
other ’till death do us
part,’ must work at it
actively and
continuously. There is no
casual leave or vacation
written into the contract.
What do we mean by
Fidelity? It is the
quality of reliability
and trustworthiness to
one’s partner.
“To be faithful is not a
favour you bestow on your
spouse. It is a privilege
to bless yourself with,
says Michael Cohon.
The world is in the grip
of a sexual revolution.
Sex, sexual exploits,
sexual prowess are
recurring themes that
bombard us through both
the print and electronic
media. Personal pleasure
and self fulfillment are
characteristics of the
New Morality. Infidelity
is glamorized.
“Do what you want to,” is
the slogan of
Individualism.
A recent study done in
the US, shows that 30% of
women and 40% of men have
been unfaithful to their
spouses at some point in
their marriage.
The weakening of
religious and social
restraints, the easy
availability of sex,
permissive legislation
have all contributed to
the rise in infidelity.
Temptation is a gradual
process, which first
begins in the mind.
Suggestive articles,
movies, books or
magazines initiate
lustful thoughts.
Thoughts turn to desire
and desire to action.
Even a one-night stand
doesn’t happen suddenly.
It is preceded by
unworthy thoughts.
“An affair may be an
indication of marriage
malfunctioning,” says
Linda Wolfe.
There are three main
reasons for malfunction.
The first is Emotional
Immaturity. In a stable
marriage, spouses honour
and validate who the
other person is. When one
partner is selfish and
self centred, and
unwilling to make a total
commitment, the marriage
becomes unstable. Someone
who has lived a very
pampered life, doted on
by parents, and used to
having his own way, never
really grows up. He is
incapable of giving or
receiving love or
trusting others. Such a
person may flit from one
affair to another. The
“Paris Hiltons” of this
world are examples of
such emotional immaturity.
James Goldsmith
(Jemima’s father) was
also one such, who had
countless affairs. Even
after marriage to Lady
Annabel his third wife,
he did indulge in an
extramarital affair.
“When you marry your
mistress you
automatically create a
job vacancy,” he said.
Many young people enter
marriage with all kinds
of expectations. They
believe that marriage
will meet all their
needs, and is one long
state of love and
romance. They anticipate
no quarrels or
disagreements; that
sexual pleasure is an
indication of the
stability of marriage; or
that children will create
an inseparable bond
between parents. But when
they realise that the
practical realities of
every-day living are
quite daunting, they look
elsewhere for the
fulfillment of their
needs.
Unmet needs bring about
frustration and
disillusionment. When
couples don’t enjoy each
other’s company, don’t
like doing things
together, or going out by
themselves, boredom sets
in and life gets stuck in
a rut of ordinariness.
Lack of communication or
mental stimulation leads
to emotional
dissatisfaction. A woman
feels let down when she
receives no emotional
support from her husband.
He never compliments her
on her looks or attire,
and does not thank her
for the food she has
prepared. This may spill
over into the bed room.
Sex is not merely
physical. There is
psychological and
emotional involvement
too. When her needs are
not met, sex becomes an
unpleasant chore.
Husbands too can be put
off by nagging wives, or
‘clinging vine’ types who
lack initiative.
The basic needs of every
human being are Affection
and Appreciation. It can
be conveyed through a
glance, a word, a smile
or a kiss
Acceptance of the spouse
as a person is important.
Many problems arise when
one partner tries to
change the other, and
squeeze him /her into a
mould of one’s choice.
Even in marriage it is
important to maintain
one’s own identity and
values.
“When a man and a woman
are able to respect and
accept their differences,
then love has a chance to
blossom,” says John Gray.
Husbands and wives should
also be each other’s best
critics. Tactful and
loving criticisms done in
a non-judgemental way are
sure to strengthen
relationships.
Admiration is a big ego
booster. Appreciating the
virtues, achievement and
capabilities of the
partner in his role as
husband or father, his
patience, his courage and
dependability, makes a
man want to do better.
“I can live for two
months on a good
compliment,” said Mark
Twain.
Similarly a woman’s self
confidence depends to a
certain extent on her
husband’s estimate of
her. She needs to be
nourished and cherished
with praise and
appreciation.
Sexual appetite they say
is second only to hunger.
J. Robert Whitehurst
wrote in the Journal of
Sexual Behaviour that
“All men from the first
day of marriage think
about the possibility (of
extramarital
encounters)………..Alth
these tendencies diminish
in later middle life and
beyond, they never
entirely disappear or
vanish in normal men.”
Sexual dissatisfaction is
a symptom of marital
discord. One partner may
be frigid, or the other
may suffer from erectile
dysfunction. Sex may
become so routine when
partners refuse to
acknowledge each others
needs. As Esther Pirot
says, “Bedroom
familiarity breeds
contempt.”
While a woman is
stimulated in an
emotional environment, a
man’s interest is more
about sexual excitation.
Romance just fades away,
and the entire exercise
becomes mechanical and
devoid of feeling. Dr.
Albert Ellis describes
this as “Healthy
Adultery.”
A prominent Divorce
lawyer says that in 90%
of cases, divorce begins
in the bedroom.
When one partner turns
down a mate for sex, it
is a painful experience.
The partner feels
rejected. Men especially
begin to look elsewhere
to satisfy their
unfulfilled desires.
Dissatisfaction is a
preliminary to
infidelity. The “trapped
syndrome” makes them want
to flee the boring
marital bed.
Even the Bible counsels,
“The wife’s body does not
belong to her alone but
also to her husband; the
husband’s body does not
belong to him alone but
also to his wife. Do not
deprive each other except
by mutual consent and for
a time, except for
prayer. Then come
together again so that
Satan may not tempt you
because of your lack of
self control.”(1Cor
7:4.5.)
Long distance marriages
also lead to infidelity.
Prolonged absence does
not make the heart grow
fonder. It may drive them
apart.
The term “Managed
Monogamy” is a new word
added to the Manual of
Infidelity.
Here spouses have
extramarital affairs
while being in a
marriage, by mutual
consent. There’s nothing
clandestine about it.
They even discuss their
affairs and have a laugh.
Unresolved Conflicts can
also lead to infidelity.
Careers and jobs today
are so demanding that
couples don’t find time
to speak to each other.
Instead they form
relationships at work. A
wife who is housebound
feels neglected when her
husband is preoccupied
with his career. Her
loneliness and
frustration may goad her
into an affair.
A husband unemployed for
long period can be nagged
at or belittled by his
wife. This may drive him
into the arms of another
sympathetic woman.
Financial Problems either
due too poor salaries or
extravagant life styles,
or large families lead to
constant bickering and
dissatisfaction in the
home. It could trigger
infidelity.
In-laws can sometimes
drive a person to
desperation especially
when there is no support
from the partner. The
aggrieved spouse might
look for support
elsewhere.
Domestic Violence,
repressive husbands,
nagging wives or wives
obsessed with order and
cleanliness are also
causes for infidelity.
Economic freedom of women
has given them power and
opportunities to have fun
elsewhere.
A newspaper item said
that women are more
inclined to cheat in love
than men. The ratio
stands at 40% as against
34% males.
Unfulfilled goals in life
often create frustration
and irresponsibility,
which can also lead to
infidelity.
There are three
types of infidelity.
– The one night stand or
the one-time affair, like
Boris Becker’s quickie in
the broom cupboard in a
London restaurant. It
cost him his marriage and
a chunk of his fortune.
– It may be a short term
relationship. But too
many of these short
affairs could destroy
one’s marriage and lead
to depression, say
psychologists.
– Others have parallel
marriages with two wives
and two families. Many of
the Bollywood (Mumbai)
actors are into such
relationships.
The common reaction of
aggrieved spouses when
confronted by the
infidelity of their
partners is almost
similar to what one
experiences when a
partner dies. Surprise,
denial, anger,
disappointment and
eventually acceptance
follow.
Denial is a defensive
mechanism by the
aggrieved spouse even
when the signs are
glaringly evident.
Husbands sometimes
purposely leave clues
like hotel receipts or
lipstick on the collar
because it brings them
relief from guilt. But
many wives pretend that
all is well and refuse to
confront them. This
“ostrich syndrome” is a
way of coping. But it
eventually leads to
depression, insomnia and
sometimes suicidal
tendencies. A wife, who
has no other economic
means of support covers
up a partner’s guilt,
thereby condoning his
infidelity.
Anger is a common
reaction. Angry words,
refusal to do normal
domestic chores,
withdrawal of conjugal
rights, or running off to
Mother, are some of the
ways women show their
anger. Sometimes fights
ensue. The husband is
angry with his wife for
driving him to
infidelity. The wife who
is betrayed is angry at
being let down. There is
a breach of trust which
psychiatrists call
‘psychic injury.’
At times a woman may
retaliate by saying “If
he can do it, I can do it
too.” Imitating the
wrong doer is like being
controlled by the errant
spouse and is counter
productive.
Anger can sometimes be
directed at one’s self
for not being able to
make a success of
marriage, or at the
spouse for not meeting
her needs, or at God for
allowing such a situation.
Revenge is a fatal
reaction. Inflicting
physical injury or
throwing acid on a
lover’s face is becoming
quite common these days.
When Peter the Great
discovered the affair his
wife was having with
William Mons,
(Gentleman of the Bed
Chamber) he had the man
decapitated. The head was
preserved in a bottle
full of alcohol and kept
in the Queen’s bedroom.
Many women with poor self
image blame themselves
for their husbands’
infidelity. They feel
they have not lived up to
their husbands’
expectations and have
driven them into the arms
of other women.
Some like to force a
solution immediately,
without waiting for any
explanation from the
errant spouse. The
decision to split is
taken immediately,
leaving no room for
reconciliation.
Marriage is a
relationship that has to
be built over the years,
with love and deep
commitment to each other.
Infidelity is a breach of
trust that leaves the
offended spouse deeply
hurt and betrayed. An
affair is a crisis that
must be tackled calmly.
Facts must be sorted out
from rumours or
suppositions. It is
possible for wrong
conclusions to be drawn
from innocent gestures.
Partners who communicate
well with each other and
periodically conduct a
marital audit will be
able to sort out major or
minor conflicts. No one
is infallible. Mistakes
are possible but
confession must come
quickly, and remorse
should be rewarded with
forgiveness. The incident
thereafter should be laid
to rest and not recycled
with every argument.
Spouses must love “in
spite of” the other’s
faults.
“A happy marriage is the
union of two good
forgivers,” says Robert
Quillan.
Ogden Nash sums up the
secret of a happy
marriage in verse.
“If you want your
marriage to sizzle,
With love in the loving
cup,
Whenever you’re wrong
admit it,
Whenever you’re right
shut up.”
Spouses who love each
other deeply and have
pledged to be faithful
till the end, will not
compromise even on small
temptations. They will be
able to resist them.
Mutual respect, concern
for the other’s needs,
and the ability to
continually fall in love
with each other, will
keep the marriage bed
inviolate. Of course it
goes without saying that
Divine help is imperative.
“Couples who stay married
develop the ability to
not lose sight of the
love in their
relationship and to
express it,” says Robert
Levenson.
Eva Bell is a doctor of
Medicine and also a
freelance writer of
articles, short stories,
children stories.
Published in Indian
magazines and newspapers,
anthologies and also on
the web.
Author of two novels, one
non-fiction, two
children’s books. Special
interest- Travel and
Women’s Issues. [http://
www.evabell.net/]http://
www.evabell.net